Rather than wait for columnists to bait readers into blind Internet anger, we at SB Nation believe in setting the curve ourselves and doing so honestly. On Troll Tuesdays, we attempt to construct the most obnoxious column on earth. Today: Let's talk about Alabama.
MIAMI — It was a night of bright lights in Miami, and a dark day for college football.
Notre Dame never had a prayer.
Alabama thundered up and down the field in Miami, and by the end, all that was left to talk about was the quarterback's girlfriend and all her Twitter followers.
Maybe now's the time we should all say a few Hail Marys.
Great season, college football.
Another memorable year we all wish we could forget.
Don't get me wrong: Alabama impressed me Monday. They impressed everyone. Eddie Lacy was a bulldozer battering his way to paydirt time and again, tearing through the Miami night like a young Larry Csonka. The defense smothered the Irish. Whether Nick Saban stockpiles all that talent legally or not, they were the better team Monday Night. Nobody can take it away from the Tide. At least not yet.
But watching the sun rise in Miami Tuesday morning, I couldn't help but wonder if the sun is setting on college football's glory days.
In fairness, part of the blame for this year's debacle falls with Notre Dame, so let's talk about Brian Kelly's team for a minute. We saw the Irish Monday, but there wasn't much fighting. And I have a theory here, after their dream season ended with a nightmare. Did you notice something different about Notre Dame Monday? For the first time all season, the Irish broke tradition and added names on the back of their jerseys.
Oh, they've done this in bowl games before, you say?
Never on a stage this big.
With the stakes higher than ever, this was Notre Dame's chance to show the world what they play for. They had chance to show the world that there's a world beyond draft stock and highlights, where all that matters is 100 anonymous men doing something unforgettable. And they blew it. It was a miscarriage of judgment, or maybe an Adidas-sponsored abortion.
Instead of showing what sets them apart, they fell in line with the rest of society.
Anything to impress recruits, right? A 17 year-old star says jump, and these days college coaches everywhere will sprint to ask him, "How high?"
Well Notre Dame, I know this much: Jesus never asked for a name tag. It's just a thought for Brian Kelly and the Domers out there. Or hey, maybe it's just coincidence that Manti Te'o had the worst game of his life Monday night. You be the judge.
In any case, the Fighting Irish got KO'd in a National Championship game that was over by halftime. Just like last year. Just like every year these days. It's a new day for this sport. There's one superpower now, and nobody can stop them. Alabama may be good or even great, but that's not the point. The simple fact here is that Alabama is so good they might be bad for the game.
There's no little guy to cheer for anymore. No TEAM to conquer that can conquer all these individuals from Tuscaloosa. Think about this: The only two quarterbacks to dominate the Crimson Tide in the past four years are Cam Newton and.
We know all about Cam and his cargo plane full of baggage, and now there's Manziel, the feel-good Heisman winner who's sitting courtside and slowly lighting his reputation on fire. College football is dying, and all we have left are "legends" like Manziel and this lifeless Alabama team steamrolling everyone else.
This morning I saw an article that said Monday night's title game was the highest-rated cable broadcast in the past two years. Maybe so, but there wasn't much drama in this blockbuster. How long until America changes the channel?
Nobody likes blowouts, and nobody wants to see Goliath beat David over and over again. So now you ask: Where do we go from here? I don't have the answers, but it's a question worth asking. For one thing, I know some folks in Indianapolis who might be interested in looking into A.J. McCarron's brand new luxury truck, but that's not my job. (Did Bear Bryant's players have luxury trucks? Forget I even asked.)
No, all we can do is watch, and if we're being honest, the only thing anyone watched Monday was the quarterback's girlfriend, Katherine Webb. Ten years from now, will anyone remember anything else about the game? This is our reality with Alabama on top. We'll talk about anything to avoid talking about college football when Alabama's dominating.
So today, a woman Katherine Webb is the most famous participant from this year's national championship. They were talking about her on the Today Show this morning, I'm sure she'll be on the cover of People magazine soon, and maybe she and A.J. will be on Jay Leno next week.
Just what we needed.
One more insta-celebrity for America to worship, and follow, and tweet. All thanks to Alabama football. It's nothing against Ms. Webb, I wish her the best. And with Alabama on top and favored to win next year, I'm sure we'll all be talking about her again this time next year, after another Alabama victory that everyone wishes they could forget.
Maybe she and A.J. McCarron will have a TV show by then, and they'll both wear Alabama jerseys and live happily ever after on MTV. Isn't that how fame works in 2013?
Roll Tide, America.
Wake me up when this reality show is over.