This Week In Schadenfreude: LSU fans smell like bourbon anyway

Daniel Shirey-USA TODAY Sports

TWIS unearths the funniest/stupidest/most unhinged fan behavior on the college football internet. This week: LSU fans self-scout about corndogs! Georgia Tech deploys umlauts! Notre Dame does not sing a particular song! Purdue! Even more Monsoon Popcorn Guy! Voyeurs from the land of Gump!

It was a week light on truly humiliating losses that were not immediately followed by Most Extreme Coach Termination, so we'll go with LSU in this space since it's rough to see your national championship hopes severely damaged right after you thought you'd rescued them. The Tigers were losing, and then were winning, and then were losing again in the span of about a minute and a half, causing the usual implosion on LSU boards. But first:

TigerFan244: Why are we called "Corndogs"???? I don't get it

The Dude's Rug: I don't get it either. I love corndogs. A UGA dude threw one at me last night and I ate it.

High C: I ate one last night

CajunRevolution: Does anyone actually eat corn dogs around here?

Geaux Tahel: Cant you read?

PeaRidge Watash: Everyone knows LSU fans smell like bourbon anyway.

And now:

Congrats Chavis on the first regulation loss in history while scoring 40+


This is the worst defense in the history of LSU. We should not be this bad even if we lost 11 starters. Recruiting is the problem. We have 11 players starting on one side of the ball who really should not be playing SEC football. Shame that we finally got an offense and now the defense fricks them over.

This does not go over well:

The OP is 17. Fact. GTFO dip shite.

Lou Tepper is laughing at your post as we speak.

Then the shocking reveal!

[If the OP was 17] that would mean he was a mere 7 yr old when he signed up at TD. Impressive.

Elsewhere:

things I'd rather have at MLB


- a cardboard cutout of Kevin Minter
- a $100 bill
- a pretty girl
- a pizza
- a stop sign
- orange cones
- a mean looking scarecrow
- a basket of puppies

Someone suggests a $50 bill would do it, but the OP disagrees:

I feel a hundred is more flashy and recognizable, and we need something a RB might actually slow down for, since our MLB is apparently of no interest or concern.

Also:

Does Anyone Remember the Depression after Georgia in 1998?


Baton Rouge was like a ghost town. I remember all the radio shows people were not mad, they were sad. It was like a funeral.

ballscaster: I remember being really sad after that game. I was 18 back then. Now that I'm 23 and with a math degree, I'm mature enough to move on with my life and not let college football upset me so much.

HeadyBrosevelt: Watch out! We got a math major here!

lsu_mike: Man you only aged 5 years since 1998. That's incredable

StadiumDormRat'72: Inviting ridicule upon yourself to deflect some of the frustration and criticism being taken out on your team. That's commendable. Well-played, sir.

ballscaster: I try to be Christlike.

And in that you succeed. Jesus had no idea how many fish he had, either. Ballscaster and friends win the internet. Finally:

LSU! You are the recipient of the Tears of Unfathomable Sadness. Don't spend them all in one place.

The rest of the week in spleen:

ACC

Georgia Tech lost to Virginia Tech back on Thursday, and continued using Nerd God as their PSA, which delights me, but not some others:

I don't think Bobinski has ever played one single down of college football, and I know CPJ has not. How can you expect for us to be successful? And to put a nerd on national tv before a game to represent us? Embarrassing! It's a certain sign to me that the powers to be want to deemphasize FB at GT and be in the second rate bottom of the ACC.

I don't have much else from GT, which seems to be saving it up for a future debacle. There is this after Johnson went for it on fourth and two at his own 30 late:

DefaultJust flat out stupid!


I'm sorry but I still can't get past why CPJ went for it on our own 30 yard line towards the latter part of the game, is he just flat out stupid!??

MTrain: I dont even try to figure out what CPJ is doing. he's like a troll

Highriser987: I think ur right, he wants to make us butthurt or force a massive bigcry outbreak.

FWIW, most of the people in that thread thought it was the right move what with GT's slow, no-throw offense.

Finally, Stingtalk has the most entertaining profanity filter on the internet:

Defaultöööö


That is all.

GoTech19: I totally ööööing agree. Great ööööing start

GTCrew4b: Same öööö different game.

JEMJacket: im about to lose my öööö already

renegadeagle: what the umlating umlat u.m.l.aaaaaaaaaaaaa.tttttt

By the way:

ElCidBUZZingFAN: This appears to the most appropriately named game thread in the history of StingTalk.

Yup.

NOTRE DAME saw Tommy Rees throw interceptions on his second and third attempts, fell behind 14-0 as a result, and never recover. Barstool Sports pawed through the Jen Bielema-level reaction on Twitter and came out filthy, but covered in pageviews. My favorite is from one Connor Korenchuk, who ends his hatetweet with a hash tag that lets you know he's all right:

Screen-shot-2013-09-30-at-12

The actual, non-subway alumns have a bigger problem, though: Notre Dame did not stick around to sing a song after the game. The student paper has four(!) articles on ND not singing their alma mater after the loss:

Early Exit by Irish Adds Insult to Injury
- "Part of what makes Notre Dame the Notre Dame family is that we treat our student athletes as students and athletes," Finan said. "… Telling them to go into the locker room tells me that [Kelly] values them as athletes before students and that’s incorrect."

Praise Thee Notre Dame
- If you are a player, don’t listen to [Brian Kelly]. Stay. It’s your choice. If you are a student, don’t support this decision. By all means, boo the players who turn their backs on you.

Tradition Transcends Winning and Losing
- Originally, this seemed to be some players who in their frustration had lost sight of our tradition. That would have been pretty terrible. But it was so much worse to find out that in fact, they had been following the new "policy" of the Notre Dame football team.

I Stand By My Team
- What though the odds, I stood by my team because loyalty, unity and support are infinitely more important than a win or a loss. I still do, and always will, stand by my team. And at the end of the next game my team loses, I hope they will stand with me. We are a family. We are ND.

Notre Dame problems. Like going to the national title game last year.

Is Kelly more disliked than Weis, Davie, or Ty?
by Whitefieldwarrior (2013-09-29 10:04:30)


I can honestly say, it sure feels that way. Count me in as one that just loathes this arrogant prick. He's a 8 win coach at this level. Last year he had a special group of kids that found a way to win in spite of him.

There's a reason we lose recruits in the 11th hour, transfers every off-season, and we haven't had a year that we haven't had issues off the field under his watch. I put that square on Pig Face.

Most people disagree with this while making it clear they dislike Kelly, and then this guy…

Everyone knows a Brian Kelly. The mid-level manager that thinks he should be running the company.

HE IS RUNNING THE COMPANY.

BIG TEN

Purdue lost by 31 points to a MAC team—tying the worst-ever loss by a Big Ten team to a MAC team—and then things got worse, as two receivers were arrested. For shoplifting. Tie bars. From Kohl's. BIG TENNNNNN!

It's bad.

Purdue put on one of the most pathetic showings I can remember and was absolutely manhandled by the Huskies.

But it's worse that…

That was back in 2009 under good old Danny Hope.  That’s the only time these two teams have played and Purdue lost 21-28 but honestly it wasn’t even that close.

…that post isn't even about what just transpired. This is the post about what just transpired:

Purdue, We’re not Good at Football

Purdue got absolutely embarrassed and manhandled in every single way yesterday afternoon in Ross-Ade Stadium as Purdue lost to NIU 55-24. … the 55 points allowed by the Boilermaker defense was the most points allowed in a home game in Ross-Ade Stadium.  So there’s that!  This was perhaps the worst Purdue football game I’ve ever sat through.

The bad includes this:

The crowd was once again overtaken by opposing fans this time from NIU. Not good.

A MAC school just pulled a Nebraska-at-Notre Dame on Purdue. I'd say this disqualfies them from future participation in the league, but it absolutely does not. Big Ten.

BIG 12

The infallible transitive property of college football states that Oklahoma State is 46 points worse than Maryland after they lost 30-21 to a WVU outfit that was smoked 37-0 by the Terps the week previous. As a group, Cowboy fans are perturbed but mostly just grateful to be watching quality football after decades of dealing with a malevolent octopus god. Only occasionally do they dip into TWIS-worthy material:

Hahahahahahaha, I'm so mad i started to laugh.
Can't run, can't pass, can't catch, can't kick, can't block. Btw, whos our OC again? How come i dont remeber his name

Because you are drunj.

Also:

We just lost to West Va by more points than William & Mary.
I think we suck.

And:

Since some on this board think the reason we got our asses kicked at Arizona last year was due to traveling west into a different time zone, wouldn't that mean we should play better by traveling east into a different time zone??

No one else in the league lost, as a lot of teams took bye weeks.

PAC-12

Washington State trails by a zillion points against Stanford in a driving rain storm. One man responds with hedonistic nihilism. One man, against the darkness.

YOU CAN TAKE OUR SPORTS ENJOYMENT BUT YOU CAN NEVER TAKE OUR POPOCOOOOOORN

Spencer already filed this guy with Pained Red Raider Fan as co-rulers of fandom; Mike Leach called that guy awesome and broke down his form; this space concurs. Guide us in our times of need, Monsoon Popcorn Fiend and Pained Red Raider Fan.

Now for the exact opposite of that guy: USC's relatively brief nightmare with Lane Kiffin is over after a 62-41 loss and tarmac canning. How's our favorite USC fan feeling?

you need to go

By: San Clemente

FAWK YOURSELF , YOU BRAIN DEAD PIECE OF SHIT RAH RAH.  ya, that's right.  You are a hunk of CRAP who should stick to making 7 layer bean dips and posting , "a big fight on for groots", on your censored rah rah boards.

SHOVE YOUR POM POM UP YOUR ASS. TICKLE YOUR TONSILS TO THE BEAT OF CONQUEST AND SHUT THE FAWK UP.

as much as Kiffin.  YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. SC

He's consistent. And guess who he wants for head coach? No, seriously, guess. You are going to get it right.

Lexo: CLEM u have me intruiged re GRUDEN

San Clemente: He's a workaholic, ADD type. think of Pete carroll with a much much higher IQ, and without the need for mountain dew.   sc

Gruden gets his support because he has ADD.

SEC

Ole Miss fans are incensed that a former staffer of theirs, Tyler Siskey, is now an Alabama staffer and was spotted watching the game with binoculars. That is why they scored zero points against the notoriously permeable Alabama D.

Siskey youtube clip! We don't need to let this go! 

and if it means OM hiring its own lawyers, etc...  it needs to be done.  Not saying we would have won but clearly that was not a level playing field of fairness!  I am sure though if we go to look into it Slive and his band of crooks will "threaten!"  Hell, remember the Albert Means case!  Proof is in the pudding that bama will win at all cost!  This is the reason I will NEVER EVER give them respect!  they don't deserve it!  I hope the whole NCAA nation looks at this and ruin their reputation!

It is also proof that ole Nicky was worried about the players safety and the hurry up offense, so worried he obviously hired a spy!
He can burn in hell with Bear for all I care!
http://youtu.be/kLbSl1ulPXI devil

Amateur lip-readers have deciphered that clip. In it Siskey proclaims "it's a pass" with Ole Miss in a four-wide shotgun formation on fourth and five two seconds before the snap. To the lawyers!

This is less throwing a rock from a glass house than throwing a rock at a rubber house such that it gives you a concussion (emphasis mine):

It's been "let go" too much 

The cheaters need to be held accountable.  It's past time.  Cheating is the only way they are #1.  From SEC officials, the crook Slive, to Bammer coaches, to player buying alumni, to tree killing walk-on alumni.  They are a sorry ***, unethical, arrogant, win at all cost bunch. Do you seriously believe 5 star athletes from other parts of the nation would attend school in this s---hole without being bought??? I have lived there.  It sucks!

Thus ends irony.

On the other hand, this man's screed against Alabama drive-by trolls is a pilot I would get on if I was AMC facing a Breaking Bad-shaped hole in the lineup:

Voyeurs from the land of Gump 

Well, the voyeurs from the land of Gump are showing up in numbers to check the misery index of their latest vanquished  opponent.  …indications are that some lurking rubes are manifesting their boorish behavior by reminding their opponent post-contest of the soundness of the victory, as if to inoculate themselves  with another  weeks worth of self-esteem . If they are indeed here and doing the same, then they indeed know the truth about themselves, if only in those places deep inside that they don’t talk about at parties. …

The Adlerian complex is in full effect here as it is an exposition of their efforts to compensate for their self-perceived inferiority to others. According to Alder, these feelings of inferiority may derive from their low position in their family structure, particularly if early experiences of humiliation occurred; a specific physical condition or defect existed; or a general lack of social feeling for others was present. Maybe some guy in the park had a little something in his pocket once and now they spend their time trying to heal themselves by attaching and proclaiming as "theirs" anything that appears alpha to them in an attempt to believe that by this they may be alpha too. This is apparently epidemic. Living vicariously through a football team is an art form in the" Row-Tyyde-Row" state.

…But for all you Saturday winners, you will realize that come Monday morning your hemorrhoids will still bleed, your wife’s thighs will still rub and your brother will still be driving that ’92 Camaro and thinking it is cool. The odd stain on your daughter's car seat you will just ignore because you are a little intimidated by her boyfriend as he really is alpha. It will be that way regardless of how your team plays.

Unfortunately, the last bit is not true no matter how much you may squint and hope it to be so.

Etc.

NEXT WEEK: Michigan beats Minnesota by a half-point after turning the ball over eight times, causing both fanbases to dissolve! Alabama probably loses to Georgia State! Maryland is probably too good to be Annual Florida State ACC upset, but they'll try! West Virginia probably has a bad time against Baylor! Iowa-Michigan State disgusts all who partake of it!

More from SB Nation college football:

Government shutdown has Air Force-Navy, Army-BC games in jeopardy

Spencer Hall’s Alphabetical: Lane Kiffin, Alabama and more

Who’s next after Kiffin? | Who’s next for USC?

Oregon is terrifying: the weekend’s best stats

Longform: Inside Chip Kelly’s offense at New Hampshire

Today’s college football news headlines

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.