This Week in Schadenfreude: 404 Georgia coaches not found

CBS

Every week, This Week In Schadenfreude collects dumb things, and some clever ones, said about college football. This week: Ginger Thor sinks Georgia! Duke makes grown men quit! It's not your fault, Northwestern fans! Unless you decapitated a house cat! That's on you! That's sick, dude! Dana Holgorsen's hair: under fire!

Georgia's coaches are all dead. This is the good news for them after Auburn catches a Hail Mary that two Georgia players lovingly put on a platter for the Tigers.

If they were not dead — and they are dead — they would have to put up with Georgia fans, at least those who are not dead. Which most of them are. The embattled post-apocalyptic survivors are slightly pissed off. And mutants. But mostly pissed off.

Game thread:

DE MOTHERfrickING FENSE!!!!! WE GOT THIS SHIT!!!!!

Relying on the defense. Not feeling good.

How much time?

1:45

Wow.. good play there. Used some clock on that one, too.

Let's get a stop!

This is it men!!!!!! Comeback of the YEAR!!!

BLITZ.....DO NOT RUSH 4. Please Grantham

Oh no 4th and long against Auburn.

Anybody else more nervous about 4-18 than a 4-5?

I think we bring it on this..the farm...all in....

The event happens, and this is the most perfect response in the history of game threads.

(no message)

and then

WHAT THE F$&K!!!!?????????????????

I knew it, I knew it. 2005 all over again.

Why did they not knock it down. It makes no sense.

Thats why u just knock it down. Easy win and dude is going for a pick. WOW

it sums up our lives as UGA fans...we are the Cubs fans of college football.

Wow! just wow! The Football Gods hate us...

I can't believe how lucky Auburn can be! what a fricking joke!!! WE WON THAT GAME AND THAT DUMB THIEF STOLE ANOTHER GAME FROM UGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's in reference to Auburn quarterback Nick Marshall, who was at UGA until an incident got him kicked out of school.

In the aftermath, this man decided he would commit internet suicide.

frick wins and losses (Posted on 11/16/13 at 8:21 pm)


This is the best damn season of football I have ever watched. I've damn near been on the edge of my seat all season. So glad I'm not a bama fan watching all those boring arse games. Go Damgs!

Go damgs!

Responses:

Damn Good Dawg: fricking moron

dawgfan24348: No

DaveyDownerDawg: You are a fricking idiot if you think this is an exciting football season. Gotdamn Disney muthafrickas!

Choose a side.

Disney or Doom which are you? (Posted on 11/17/13 at 1:14 am)


With a lot of new poster/alter on the board Me thinks we need to know where everyone stands
option 1

option 2

option 3
Myself I fall in the Option 2. I always have hope for the dawgs but also feel there needs to be some sort of change in the way the coaches are doing business........ everything isnt the Magic Kingdom but its not TWD Atlanta either...

Aaand finally, DC Todd Grantham is less than popular at the moment.

I cannot stand ginger thor that soulless jack ass

Georgia, you have acquired the Tears of Unfathomable Sadness. Next time, bat them down, not up.

ACC

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This was actually last week.

Miami lost to Duke, and that makes a lot of fans think "my team is worse than Duke." Like, oh, I don't know, me. But this bit is about Miami. Delving into Canespace, where a Styx reference…

The 1980's rock group Styx had it right. It is possible that Miami head coach Al Golden has pulled the "Grand Illusion" over Miami Hurricane fans.

…is immediately followed by a profuse apology.

Open Letter To Hurricane Fans And Coach Golden

Last night, after Miami's tough loss to Duke, I was very harsh and critical about the game and UM head coach Al Golden. While I, like most Hurricane fans, am still very disappointed with the loss to the Blue Devils, I wanted to apologize to Hurricane fans and Coach Golden for my rant and venting on the blog.

This has about 20 fewer instances of the word "azz" than expected. But before that, the guy whose run Canespace since 2006 — it is prehistoric in internet terms — was going to quit:

No, Sorry folks, but I am not kidding or bluffing, I am done. There will be no more Canespace after this season is over.

I can't take it anymore. If someone wants to buy me out and take it over email me at:

canespace86@aol.com

NO SERIOUSLY.

He got better.

Elsewhere in that thread:

an abomination of an abortion of a sham of a travesty of a football game

Look at the bright side I bet we would kill duke at bench press absolutely dominate

IT'S SO BAD THAT IM NOT EVEN MAD??? I WON'T LET THIS CRAP DESTROY MY WEEKEND. LOVE MY FAMILY MORE THEN THE CANES AND THAT IS MOST IMPORTANT TO ME. … I WILL HAVE MY SIGN THIS SATURDAY. D"NO= NO"D LOOK OUT FOR IT, WE'LL IT WON'T BE REALLY HARD ME BEING ONE OF THE 9,000 THERE

That's from "Canezilla."

Judging from ABC's ratings, I'm surprised they don't put us in prime time and try to fool people into watching by calling it "Finishing Bad".

I see what you did there.

Big Ten

I was live and in person as Northwestern lost in a way only Northwestern could lose, as Michigan pulled off the fire-drill, last-second field goal for the first time in history (probably). I'd promised to find a Northwestern fan and give him the Good Will Hunting fix and did not, so let me just say to any Wildcat fans who stumble across this while trying to find a support group: it's not your fault.

This also demands a gamethread delve. Starting from the top:

Why am I here

Let's get this over with

What a sad game all around

*vomit*

2 runs for nothing and then a 6 yard pass on 3rd and 8

it’s like john shoop is still haunting the chicagoland area

"Even on a Saturday the library's busy"

Come on, there was just one guy on a laptop in that b-roll! Stereotypes!

is there a name for this?

where one team moves the ball down the field, without punting or turning it over?

i think it's called a fluke

NU punts for six yards, up 9-3.

WOW.

This is the part where I shoot myself

THIS IS A FUN GAME TO WATCH

Michigan goes three and out from the 10, FG, 9-6. Northwestern punts, M gets down to the four, goes on fourth and two, stuffed.

well

that is not what i expected to happen

Michigan's got the ball, attempting to score in the two-minute drill.

It's time to clench your heinies everyone.

NO

F--- YOU WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT

I have no idea why this person said this thing, because, well, everything about this game demands that statement.

we will somehow find a way to lose this right?

Gardner's fourth or fifth ball into a Northwestern defender's chest that is not brought in…

God damn it catch that shit aguahgh

how can you drop that!

I seriously just want to cry. This is the worst season of football I've ever seen

Michigan does the thing with the field goal.

First, Bring Your Champions, They're Our Meat:

WHAT

ARE YOU F---ING KIDDING ME

lolololololololololololo

F--- EVERYTHING

and I'm officially crying

I am a person who is just about incapable of crying

I’ve been clutching a pillow sobbing for a minute straight.

Just give both teams an L and be done with it

can't wait to buy a game worn jersey

Yeah, you'll definitely want to memorialize this season

Overtimes happen. Michigan wins.

Well at least it's not as bad as what just happened to Georgia

And this man may be dying, or may already be in hell:

I'm sick...really

Dear Northwestern Wildcats – You are killing me. I am not kidding.

My blood pressure is 164/97…

Pulse is dangerously fast…

Family is saying that they will sue Northwestern if I die watching a game.

Just took emergency blood pressure meds…

Family is starting to think I have a death wish because I refuse to miss a Northwestern game…

The Nebraska game almost killed me. After this game, I’ve one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel.

Family noted that they are glad that "Are you a Northwestern Fan?" isn’t on insurance applications.

I’m having an existential crisis here… Maybe I’m actually dead and wound up in Hell. Or maybe I can’t die – even with my blood pressure spiking.

Family is starting to think I’m insane for being a Northwestern fan. That’s probably true. But I plan on watching the next game anyway.

As for Rodger, he wrote this:

People say things like "this is the worst football game I've ever watched" a lot. But I genuinely think this was the worst football game I've ever watched in regulation. …

Of course, because there's a god of football and he hates us all and wants us to be unhappy, Michigan ran a awful, terrible two-minute drill, and somehow managed to have their holder slide in for a game-tying field goal to make it 9-9 going into overtime. Yes, we had to watch another Northwestern overtime game.

Then we had to watch a Northwestern double overtime game.

Then we had to watch a Northwestern triple overtime game.

And ate pudding looking like this:

And everyone was sad. It's not your fault, Rodger.

Finally:

I’m going to go decapitate a house cat and leave the head on Pat Fitzgeralds lawn. It seems like the most rational thing to do at this point.

They probably should just abandon the idea of college football in Illinois entirely at this point.

Dana Holgorsen is Derek Dooley with bad hair.

Big Twelve

The hot bag of garbage that is Kansas snapped its epic conference losing streak on Saturday, and whoever that happened to is going to go nuclear. So come on down, West Virginia.

Oh man no.

Leave the man's hair alone, Twitter. Unless you want to destroy the rest of the national monuments, too, you Ron Swanson, you.

You can tell when things get bad at WVU when people start pining for Rich Rodriguez. This one brings unusual flavor to the party:

Why I miss Rich Rod...


I was his dog trainer, and would meet with them, well mostly Rita once a week. I'm not gonna lie, they have paid the most out of all of my clients. I miss it. Too bad Dana doesn't have a dog.

wvuweaponX: Warning. You're leaving an awful lot to the imagination for this board.

This is especially selected to force Orson to lay down with palpitations:

Will Muschamp is exactly who I feel we need as a coach at WVU

He's going to be fired at Florida after they killed by FSU on the 30th. Great defensive mind that has coached in the conference before and knows how to recruit key areas like Florida, Georgia, and Alabama.

And banghead.gif:

Well, WVU leads the Big 12 Conference in

Excuses.
Rutgers, Marshall and MAC teams would beat WVU this year, even though none of those have won against the Mountaineers since 1949.
But we are NO. 1 -- in excuses.
Spare me. Just win the damn ball games.
It's Kansas. The only time there's crying in football is when you lose to Kansas. It happens about every 3 years or so.
banghead

In response:

I, too, am fed up with excuses. Our coach sounds like obama (sic). He continues to come across as immature, and shows less leadership than the AFLAC duck.

That guy just deployed (sic) on something he wrote. Bro, do you even edit?

Always look on the bright side of life:

wear black to the last home game


as a sign of protest for a dying program

wvuweaponX: Typically, I'd ridicule these types of threads but I think this is an unmistakable message plus, it gets fans to the game.

llllllllll: I think everybody should come in wearing Pitt apparel to symbolize what is at the end of the path that this program is on. That would really get some attention.

Texas got run out of the building by Oklahoma State in a harsh reality check after scooting out to an undefeated, if obviously fortunate, start to their Big 12 season. When not evaluating coaching candidates (Wisconsin's Gary Andersen is the commentariat's favorite), Barking Carnival is threatening old people:

Bummer of a game, but unlike the BYU liver punch, my blood pressure never broke 120/80. I know this because I watched the entire game at a Walgreen's pharmacy on my iPad, my arm wrapped in a free screening pressure cuff, eating Mike & Ikes. When old people rolled up on their Hovarounds to test their own blood pressure on the machine that I dominated for three plus hours, I shooed them away by throwing their medicine into the diarrhea aisle and telling them to register any complaints on the Health & Human Services website.

Texas, you're back. We've missed you.

Pac-12

Stanford made their loss to Utah a lot less inexplicable by empowering Coach O to run around with a sword (THOUSANDS DEAD IN BIGFOOT RAMPAGE – LA Times) after USC beat them. Now comes the hard part: trying to understand Stanford fans.

I still think we'll be a winning team next year, but can't see any way we'll be elite. Do we regress to the mean now and go through cycles of somewhat strong seasons interspersed with poor seasons?

In other words, did we just finish the Good Old Days?

Regress to the what lol.

…this loss hurts and it literally made me lose sleep last night, but the sky isn't falling. Try to be positive!

I mean…

I'd rather play the LA teams every year then every other. I don't mind a incredibly tough schedule. It's given us some great football so far this season.

I hate you, Stanford fans. Not because you're bad people. Because your internet is sane. This is not the internet the rest of us know. I am going to point some laser pointers at your chest, and then see how you feel.

9fhqc64_medium

Cal lost to Colorado, confirming themselves the worst team in the league and making it a bad week for West Coast nerds everywhere. Cal fans are usually in the tweed jacket and bubble pipe category, but even in year one this is too much for some:

I want firings.

I don’t care who, but the defensive staff gets top billing above all else.

atomsareenough: You know, I’ve come around. This game finally did it. The fans need a scalp.

Auricursine: Isn’t bloodlust something???

I want the kids to do well, but this year is like an undisciplined classroom under a rookie teacher with no training.

Well, everything is looking up. since we are flat on our backs.

Yes. Come to the darkside, nerds of the Bay Area. Go Cal! (You're going to die.)

SEC

South Carolina actually won, because they were playing Florida, and Florida is SEC Michigan, but at one point things looked grim and this child embodied the last three months of my life:

10895479626_a7f912f757_o_medium

Speaking of Florida, teams are now getting their kicks on the lifeless body.

14bq1k7_jpg_medium

Via bullg8rdaddy

There is only one logical response:

Gators Should Stop Playing "Fair"

One thing I'm tired of as a fan is Florida trying to be above the fray when it comes to NCAA rules. Screw the NCAA!. I don't care if players use drugs or sell autographs. Talent should only come off the field for very good reasons.

The fact that we had Cam Newton sitting behind Tebow and lost him over a stolen laptop and maybe some classroom cheating makes me sick. So, the kid just plays Juco for a year, and then any other university can recruit him. What kind of rules are these?

We should have paid hush money to the victim of the laptop theft, ignored any cheating in the classroom by Newton, and enjoyed another Heisman winner and won more games. Instead, we were left with Brantley and the "3-bow" offense.
Things have to change. In most jobs in the US, there are not drug tests performed on employees throughout the year. They're usually only performed pre-hire or after a workplace injury.

Also, why should anyone else in society be able to make money based on any fame they obtain, but college athletes are forbidden to do so? Even Olympic athletes can earn money from endorsements.

I was going to make fun of this but now I think this guy could take Mark Emmert in a debate.

NEXT WEEK: Nothing of interest happens in the ACC except Duke going 9-2 to make you feel horrible about your team! Baylor! Oklahoma State! #pray4scoreboards! Northwestern leads MSU late, loses in improbable fashion! Illinois versus Purdue! Cal loses to Stanford by 80! Does Georgia Southern Have a chance against Florida? Maybe!

More from SB Nation college football:

Full Week 13 TV schedule, including five ranked games

Start hot: this week’s best stats in The Numerical

TWIS: Georgia fans react to Auburn’s insane Hail Mary

Bowl projections: Bama-FSU, Clemson-Wisconsin and more

Long CFB reads | Has Baylor crafted the ultimate football offense?

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