Your favorite NFL team is terrible, but not terrible enough to lock up the 2014 NFL Draft's No. 1 pick and thus pencil South Carolina's Jadeveon Clowney onto its future roster. Not until it rallies itself into believing and achieving by way of a memorable slogan like the one Colts fans came up with a couple years ago, that is.
A few recommendations:
- Eat a real gross brownie for Clowney
- Not wavey, but drowny for Clowney
- Evacuate the towny (rabid malamute infestation!) for Clowney
- Discourage scoring a touchdowny for Clowney
- Oh wait, we can also use his first name, like become a peon for Jadeveon
- In a single NFL season, endure the sum universal pain of an entire eon for Jadeveon
- Go to a yard sale in search of banned Freon (maybe get fined or something, maybe not, seems like a spottily enforced regulation, haven't heard much about it in years, but then again I live in a red state) for Jadeveon
- Jadeveon actually rhymes more with words like Ian than it does with words like neon, so change your name to Ian for Jadeveon (no offense, Ians)
- Make stupid Bryce Harper joke for Clowney
- Play paintball in a nightgowny for Clowney
- Turn frown upside down and back into frowny for Clowney
- Eat entire chocolate cake after sundowny for Clowney (you'll have bad dreams)
- Emulate a Cleveland Browny for Clowney
- Pronouny for him
And then there are near rhymes, like mountie and dowry and hourly and foundry and county.
Think about it. You've got time.