Tanking for right to draft Jadeveon Clowney needs a catchy name

USA TODAY Sports

"Suck for Luck" was so 2011.

Your favorite NFL team is terrible, but not terrible enough to lock up the 2014 NFL Draft's No. 1 pick and thus pencil South Carolina's Jadeveon Clowney onto its future roster. Not until it rallies itself into believing and achieving by way of a memorable slogan like the one Colts fans came up with a couple years ago, that is.

A few recommendations:

  • Eat a real gross brownie for Clowney
Actually, that might be the only real rhyme, so we turn immediately to made-up words:
  • Not wavey, but drowny for Clowney
  • Evacuate the towny (rabid malamute infestation!) for Clowney
  • Discourage scoring a touchdowny for Clowney
  • Oh wait, we can also use his first name, like become a peon for Jadeveon
  • In a single NFL season, endure the sum universal pain of an entire eon for Jadeveon
  • Go to a yard sale in search of banned Freon (maybe get fined or something, maybe not, seems like a spottily enforced regulation, haven't heard much about it in years, but then again I live in a red state) for Jadeveon
  • Jadeveon actually rhymes more with words like Ian than it does with words like neon, so change your name to Ian for Jadeveon (no offense, Ians)
  • Make stupid Bryce Harper joke for Clowney
  • Play paintball in a nightgowny for Clowney
  • Turn frown upside down and back into frowny for Clowney
  • Eat entire chocolate cake after sundowny for Clowney (you'll have bad dreams)
  • Emulate a Cleveland Browny for Clowney
  • Pronouny for him

And then there are near rhymes, like mountie and dowry and hourly and foundry and county.

Think about it. You've got time.

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