2013 college football HOMER STANDINGS: How great will your team be this year?

Matthew Emmons-USA TODAY Sports

Every college football team is taking steps forward. Especially yours. Why doesn't the national media recognize this?

College football season nears, which means fans of every college football team are becoming more and more convinced everything's gonna break the right way this year, and it would be both ridiculous and indicative of an agenda to suggest otherwise.

"We can't have injury luck like we had last year."

"Can't lose that many fumbles again."

"Alabama's not on the schedule, or we get Alabama at home, or Alabama lost a bunch of offensive linemen."

"Our new coach or coordinator or whatever is taking the restrictor plate off."

"We got some great recruits coming in, as if we're the only program in the country with some great recruits coming in."

"Ticket sales are up or only slightly down."

"Our rival is falling off hard. I can smell it."

"We finally have a quarterback. That's not an overstatement. We did not have a quarterback last year."

"At least we're not Maryland."

In short, every single team in the country will be better than it was last year. There's no way around it. Thus, below we have the standings we'll have at the end of the regular season, assuming each fanbase's homeriest faction is correct about its team. These were arrived at by looking at each team's schedule, weighing how homery each fanbase's homeriest members will be by August, and (lastly) sort of thinking about how good each team is.

These are not predictions. These are HOMER STANDINGS.

Three facts about the following lists:

  1. Multiple readers will be bothered by their teams being awarded fewer wins in the HOMER STANDINGS than were hoped for, meaning multiple readers will out-homer the HOMER STANDINGS. (Or the HOMER STANDINGS were actually too low!)
  2. "Absolutely no fan of [my team] is that deluded." You are not correct. Go through the games on your schedule, week-by-week. You'll feel yourself leaning toward such a number. Reason might prevail, but it might not.
  3. One team will actually exceed its HOMER STANDINGS win count, because college football is forever stranger than any fiction.

ACC

Miami 9,000-0

Florida State 100% wins

Clemson 12-0

Georgia Tech 11-1

North Carolina 11-1

Virginia Tech 11-1

Duke 10-2

N.C. State 10-2

Boston College 9-3

Maryland 9-3

Syracuse 9-3

Virginia 9-3

Pittsburgh 8-4

Wake Forest 8-4

AAC

Louisville :)

Rutgers 12-0

Cincinnati 11-1

UCF 11-1

Connecticut 9-3

SMU 9-3

Temple 9-3

USF 9-3

Houston 8-4

Memphis 7-5

Big 12

Baylor 12-0

Kansas State 12-0

Oklahoma 12-0

Oklahoma State 12-0, but dickish

TCU 12-0

Texas 12-0

Texas Tech 10-2, but pretty

West Virginia 10-2

Iowa State 9-3

Kansas 7-ha ha I'm sorry no

Big Ten

Michigan One more than Ohio

Ohio State One more than TSUN

Nebraska 12-0

Northwestern 12-0

Wisconsin 12-0

Michigan State 11-1

Penn State 9-3

Purdue 9-3

Minnesota 8-4

Illinois 7-5

Indiana 7-5

Iowa send beers

C-USA

East Carolina 11-1

Louisiana Tech 11-1

Tulsa 11-1

Marshall 9-3

Middle Tennessee 9-3

North Texas 9-3

Rice 9-3

UTSA 9-3

FAU 8-4

Southern Miss 8-4

UTEP 7-5

Tulane 6-6

UAB 6-6

FIU

Independent

Notre Dame

BYU 12-0

Navy Army

Old Dominion 8-4

Army Navy

Idaho 7-5

New Mexico State 6-6

MAC

Bowling Green 12-0

Northern Illinois 12-0

Ohio 12-0

Ball State 10-2

Toledo 10-2

Kent State 9-3

Miami (Ohio) 9-3

Western Michigan 8-4

Central Michigan 7-5

Eastern Michigan 7-5

Buffalo 6-6

Akron 5-7

UMass N/A

MWC

Boise State 61,493,451,3,25325

Fresno State 12-0

San Diego State 11-1

San Jose State 11-1

Nevada 10-2

Air Force 9-3

Utah State 9-3

New Mexico 8-4

UNLV 8-4

Wyoming 8-4

Hawaii 7-5

Colorado State 7-5

Pac-12

Oregon 12-0

Stanford 12-0

UCLA 12-0

Arizona State 11-1

Oregon State 11-1

USC Grumbling

Washington 10-2

Arizona 9-3

Cal 9-3

Utah 9-3

Washington State 6-6

Colorado 2-10?

SEC

Alabama Alabama

Florida 12-0

Georgia 12-0

LSU Douze et zéro

South Carolina 12-0

Texas A&M 12-0

Vanderbilt 11.99-.01

Ole Miss 11.95-.05

Tennessee 11.91-.09

Kentucky 11.73-.27

Auburn 11.61-.39

Mississippi State 11.47-.53

Arkansas 11.39-.61

Missouri 9-3

Sun Belt

Arkansas State 11-1

Louisiana-Lafayette 11-1

Western Kentucky 11-1

ULM 10-2

Troy 9-3

South Alabama 8-4

Texas State 8-4

Georgia State hello

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