A comprehensive list of things Iowa could buy with Kirk Ferentz's buyout

Christian Petersen

Instead of buying out Kirk Ferentz's contract, the University of Iowa could make the following wise investments.

The other day, Iowa Hawkeyes head coach Kirk Ferentz decried the spreading influence of money in college athletics. This is funny for several reasons, but you don't really need to go past the fact that Ferentz is paid $3.8 million a year to coach Iowa's football team, and does so while providing a comically small return on investment. In situations like this, schools would normally cut bait and fire the coach, but Ferentz is protected by a buyout that makes his contract look downright reasonable.

If you want to see how Ferentz's buyout is calculated, Patrick Vint has a clear breakdown over at Black Heart Gold Pants. For those of you who don't really care how the sausage is made, if Iowa were to fire Ferentz today, the school would have to pay a buyout of $17,531,360.

$17,531,360. For Kirk Ferentz. To not coach.

That is a vast sum of money for any purpose, but it is a preposterous amount to pay a man in order for him to stop coaching a college football team. There are countless ways in which the University of Iowa could make more productive use of those funds, so let's go through some of them, shall we?

111 houses in Iowa City

2,805,017 burritos from the Iowa City Pancheros

26,929 corn futures on the open market

An island, probably

501,039 boxes of printer paper which they could use to print things on, such as this:

Go-iowa-awesome_design

1,403 Smart Cars

350,697 Fast and the Furious box sets, containing movies 1-5

35,152 iPads, on which Greg Davis can diagram screen passes

17,531,360 beers on dollar beer night at Iowa Cubs games, which is a respectable amount of beer

774.8 pounds of pure gold, which can be used to fashion a statue commemorating this moment:

Hayden_medium

10,625,066 grande coffees from Starbucks, which then should be thrown on the ground because Starbucks makes terrible coffee

Jet skis, and lots of 'em

116,875 Ray-Ban Wayfarers, for looking cool while enjoying said jet skis

292,433 pairs of New Balance MW411s, an outlandish dad shoe that I can personally guarantee Ferentz wears around the house and sometimes sleeps in when it gets cold

1,950,095 American flag neckties off Amazon, because #loveitorleaveit, right Herky?

Herkyusa_medium

An amount of cheese I care not to calculate

The entire contract AND buyout of a new head football coach, which would really do the trick, I think

More from SB Nation:

Bill Connelly on the never, ever boring Ole Miss Rebels

Wait, how fast is Braxton Miller?

American Athletic Conference unveils new logo

The college football Twitter directory

National recruiting coverage

Today’s college football news headlines

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.