Zaxby's founder Zach McLeroy left his chicken bunker to travel across the country and record this propaganda film, declaring his chain "the Official Chicken of College Sports." The company has also signed up two FBS schools for each state in its footprint.
Naturally, EDSBS's @celebrityhottub and I had a few questions about this.
Martin: Well, I had no idea Zak (Zack? Zax?) was a real person. That is one mystery that is solved for good.
CelebrityHotTub: Unfortunately, that creates a second, more disturbing mystery: if Zak/Zack/Zax is a person, what does that make Zax Sauce?
Martin: [/Shudders] What gives Zaxby's the right to call itself the official chicken of college football? I thought that by default went to Chick-fil-A. This is a turf war it might not want to get into. It will end badly. It will not end in snapping and showtunes.
CHT: And how did they pick their two schools per state? Tennessee and Vanderbilt, sure. Baylor and Houston? What?
Martin: Well there was no way in heaven or hell KFC was letting Zaxby's into Louisville. That's sacred ground.
CHT: Southern Miss over Mississippi State. Damn, Zax, you don't watch much football, do you?
Martin: Speaking of the teams themselves, I couldn't be the only one who noticed how Purdue was the school represented when ZakAttack delivered his sad and pathetic line about house salads.
CHT: Is it possible this is a prelude to the first entirely corporate athletic conference? The answer is yes, and that means we'll eventually get to hear Jim Delany talk about how important it is for the winner of the Wendy's Baconator Conference to play in the Rose Bowl.
Martin: It won't be the Rose Bowl by then. It'll be the Weetabix Bowl. And it will be in Sussex.
CHT: The good news is there's still room for much of corporate America. College sports still needs an Official Soft Drink (Mountain Dew), an Official Razor (Schick Quattro), an Official Home Stairlift (Ameriglide), and an Official Antibiotic Ointment (also Mountain Dew).
Martin: Not to mention, the Official Morning After Pill (Holgo's Own). Okay, so which scene is the most uncomfortable? It's got to be him in the Vols jersey, right? Or cutting down the net in a vest usually reserved for blackjack dealers?
CHT: All better than him getting carried off. I count at least nine people rushing that field in the middle of nowhere, and only two bother to actually lift Zax. One misstep by either and this turns into a tragic groin injury.
Martin: So basically it's Iowa's offense. Do you think this thing has any chance of taking off whatsoever?
CHT: It's breaded chicken and football. It doesn't have to make sense to work.
Martin: Roll Tide?
CHT: ROLL TIDE.