The breeziest story any college football writer gets to do all year is the set-it-and-forget-it NCAA Football simulation. This is by no means a shot at any writer who might have done such a relaxing thing already this year, since it'll be done one million times by every website probably up to and including WhiteHouse.gov by August 29. And probably weekly throughout the season at 100 websites each. And that's great.
But why not try something different? Last year, we attempted to create the worst NCAA Football 13 simulation possible. It was horrific. Colorado State went 11-2.
This year, 2013 has been simulated for you 10 times over. These combined results will be more comprehensive and hopefully more amusing than using one simulation, because great day in the morning is Washington way too good every single time or what.
First up, the big winners from each of the 10 2013 seasons.
The national championship
Yep, Longhorns vs. Aggies for the national title lined up at one point. Here are the national champs from each simulated 2013:
|Alabama (13-1) over Ohio State (13-1)|
|Louisville (13-0) over Boise State (13-1)|
|Michigan State (12-2) over Alabama (11-3)|
|Notre Dame (12-1) over Texas (12-1)|
|Ohio State (14-0) over Georgia Tech (13-1)|
|Ohio State (14-0) over Washington (13-1)|
|Texas (13-0) over Alabama (12-2)|
|Texas (13-0) over Texas A&M (12-2)|
|Texas A&M (13-1) over Ohio State (10-3)|
|Texas A&M (14-0) over Boise State (12-2)|
|Total national championships: Ohio State, Texas, Texas A&M 2; Alabama, Louisville, Michigan State, Notre Dame 1 each|
|National championship appearances: Ohio State 4; Alabama, Texas, Texas A&M 3; Boise State 2; Georgia Tech, Louisville, Michigan State, Notre Dame, Washington 1|
Lots to learn from this, but mostly that you're probably happy if your team is up there. It's almost like if you ask a video game to run a bunch of numbers tied to real-life things, you'll find some that make people who like those real-life things happy. Amazing! Internet! Georgia Tech and Michigan State and Washington somehow!
Heisman Trophy finalists
The scoring system here: five points for a first-place finish, four points for second, and so on. All 10 top-fives were then added together.
|Braxton Miller, Ohio State QB||43|
|Johnny Manziel, Texas A&M QB||36|
|Teddy Bridgewater, Louisville QB||11|
|Jordan Lynch, NIU QB||10|
|Logan Thomas, Virginia Tech QB||9|
|AJ McCarron, Alabama QB||6|
|Taylor Martinez, Nebraska QB||6|
|Joe Southwick, Boise State QB||5|
|Marcus Mariota, Oregon QB||5|
|T.J. Yeldon, Alabama RB||5|
|Blake Bell, Oklahoma QB||4|
|Johnathan Gray, Texas RB||4|
|Kolton Browning, ULM QB||4|
|Noah Copeland, Navy RB||4|
|Robert Godhigh, Georgia Tech RB||4|
|Vad Lee, Georgia Tech QB||3|
|Devin Gardner, Michigan QB||1|
|Tajh Boyd, Clemson QB||1|
Video games like quarterbacks.
Also, this video game, which has greatly improved the utility of its option-run offenses, has a highly overpowered Georgia Tech and terrifying service academies. All option attacks are more effective than they were in previous editions, and it appears the offenses that run nothing but option plays are just about unstoppable. Which is better than them being totally useless like they were last year, at least.
Simple. The number of times each team won its conference.
|American||ACC||Big 12||Big Ten||Conference USA|
|Louisville||8||Virginia Tech||3||Oklahoma||4||Ohio State||8||Marshall||3|
|MAC||Mountain West||Pac-12||SEC||Sun Belt|
|Ball State||3||Fresno State||2||Washington||2||Texas A&M||2||ULL||2|
|Buffalo||2||San Diego State||1||UCLA||1||Florida||1||WKU||2|
Reasonable, except for the ACC, Pac-12, and Conference USA. Clemson and Florida State combined for only two titles, Oregon and Stanford were shut out, and Tulane won something. Georgia Tech and Washington remain too prominent.
Position award winners
Same as above. These are completely all over the place, which I appreciated seeing. Except Ohio State won 21 out of a possible 150.
|Maxwell (Player)||Camp (Player)||Bednarik (Defender)||Nagurski (Defender)||O'Brien (QB)|
|Johnny Manziel, Texas A&M (4)||Johnny Manziel, Texas A&M (4)||Ciante Evans, Nebraska (2)||Chase Vasser, Georgia||Braxton Miller, Ohio State (3)|
|Braxton Miller, Ohio State (2)||Braxton Miller, Ohio State (2)||Cameron Truss, Bowling Green||Corey Marshall, Virginia Tech||Joe Southwick, Boise State (2)|
|Kolton Browning, ULM||Kolton Browning, ULM||Carrington Byndom, Texas||Donovan Lewis, Fresno State||Johnny Manziel, Texas A&M (2)|
|Teddy Bridgewater, Louisville||Teddy Bridgewater, Louisville||Chase Vasser, Georgia||Geneo Grissom, Oklahoma||Teddy Bridgewater, Louisville (2)|
|Dayonne Nunley, Miami (Ohio)||Jackson Jackson Jeffcoat, Texas, Texas||Kolton Browning, ULM|
|Jadeveon Clowney, South Carolina||Jadeveon Clowney, South Carolina|
|Justin Gilbert, Oklahoma State||Malcolm Brown, Texas|
|Prince Shembo, Notre Dame||Shembo|
|Randall Evans, Kansas State||Stephon Tuitt, Notre Dame|
|Tahj Jones, LSU|
|Walker (RB)||Biletnikoff (WR)||Mackey (TE)||Outland (OL)||Rimington (C)|
|Ben Malena, Texas A&M||Matt Miller, Boise State (4)||Craig Wenrick, UTEP (3)||Jake Matthews, Texas A&M (5)||Corey Linsley, Ohio State (5)|
|Carlos Hyde, Ohio State||Mike Evans, Texas A&M (3)||Blake Annen, Cincinnati (2)||Mason Walters, Texas (2)||Andrew Miller, Virginia Tech (4)|
|Jeremy Hill, LSU||Corey Brown, Ohio State (2)||Holden Huff, Boise State (2)||Andrew Norwell, Ohio State||Austin Barron, Florida State|
|John Hubert, KSU||Jaz Reynolds, Oklahoma||Jake Long, Nebraska (2)||Anthony Steen, Alabama|
|Johnathan Gray, Texas||Adam Roberts, San Diego State||Taylor Lewan, Michigan|
|Josh Robinson, Mississippi State|
|Noah Copeland, Navy|
|Robert Godhigh, Georgia Tech|
|T.J. Yeldon, Alabama|
|Todd Gurley, Georgia|
|Lombardi (DL)||LB||Thorpe (DB)||Groza (K)||Guy (P)|
|Adolphus Washington, Ohio State (2)||Chase Vasser, Georgia||Randall Evans, Kansas State (3)||Anthony Fera, Texas (2)||Kris Albarado, USC (2)|
|Jackson Jeffcoat, Texas (2)||Conor O'Neill, Wisconsin||Dayonne Nunley, Miami (Ohio) (2)||Kyle Brindza, Notre Dame (2)||Mike Sadler, Michigan State (2)|
|Stephon Tuitt, Notre Dame (2)||Jonathan Brown, Illinois||Bradley Roby, Ohio State||Colby Perry, Temple||William Russ, Texas (2)|
|Anthony Chickillo, Miami||Jordan Jenkins, Georgia||Carrington Byndom, Texas||Daniel Schwarz, Tulsa||Cody Mandell, Alabama|
|Jadeveon Clowney, South Carolina||Joshua Perry, Ohio State||Ciante Evans, Nebraska||Drew Basil, Ohio State||Drew Riggleman, Arizona|
|James Gayle, Virginia Tech||Kyle Van Noy, BYU||Justin Gilbert, Oklahoma State||Travis Coons, Washington||Kyle Christy, Florida|
|Taylor Hart, Oregon||Prince Shembo, Notre Dame||Raymon Taylor, Michigan||Kyle French, Wisconsin||Tyler Hull, South Carolina|
|Ricky Dowdy, N.C. State||Taylor Zalewski, Illinois|
|Steven Jenkins, Texas A&M|
|Tahj Jones, LSU|
Bowl wins and appearances
I'm not gonna lie to you. I got sick really quickly of tracking how many bowl wins and appearances each team earned. That's 70 teams per sim, or 700 overall.
Just know that TCU and Iowa met in the Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl three times, which sounds like something Dante would've scrapped for being too agonizing, and that Oklahoma State and BYU met in the motherf-----g Compass Bowl at some point somehow.
I did keep track of BCS bowl wins and appearances for you, though.
BCS bowl wins and appearances
Please note Alabama missed out on a BCS bowl exactly once and that N.C. State won a Sugar Bowl as an at-large.
|BCS bowl wins||BCS appearances|
|Ohio State||5||Ohio State||8|
|Boise State||3||Texas A&M||6|
So that's that. How do we feel about all this? You're probably mad about Texas being really good.