Unless you've been living under a rock for the past year, and probably even if you have been, you are well aware that Alabama and Texas A&M play on Saturday, and oh boy, the Tide sure gonna fix that no good Johnny Manziel kid; he needs to learn him some respect for the game, anyway I'll hang up and listen, Roll Tide, Pawl.
Contrary to popular belief, however, other games will be played as well. Here's your TV schedule for the weekend, as well as which games to watch.
As always, we'll be grouping games together by day and time slot -- Saturday Lunch, Afternoon, Evening, and Night -- and ranking those games in tiers by anticipated relative viewing quality: Best option, Plan B, Keep it in mind, and Break in case of emergency. Personal fandom obviously can make a difference, but this is trying to be as objective as possible.
Note: We've removed the games that have already happened, for your convenience.
|12 p.m. ET||16 UCLA||at||23 Nebraska||ABC|
|12 p.m. ET||5 Stanford||at||Army||CBSSN|
|12 p.m. ET||7 Louisville||at||Kentucky||ESPN|
|12 p.m. ET||Akron||at||11 Michigan||Big Ten Network|
|12 p.m. ET||Tulsa||at||14 Oklahoma||ESPN 2|
|12 p.m. ET||Virginia Tech||at||East Carolina||FSN|
|12 p.m. ET||Bowling Green||at||Indiana||ESPNU|
|12 p.m. ET||Western Illinois||at||Minnesota||Big Ten Network|
|12 p.m. ET||Georgia State||at||West Virginia||Mountaineer Network|
|12:21 p.m. ET||Southern Miss||at||Arkansas||SEC Network, ESPN3.com|
|12:30 p.m. ET||New Mexico||at||Pittsburgh||ACC Network, ESPN3.com|
|12:30 p.m. ET||ULM||at||Wake Forest||RSN, ESPN3.com|
|1 p.m. ET||Eastern Michigan||at||Rutgers||ESPN3.com|
|1 p.m. ET||Fordham||at||Temple||ESPN3.com|
|2 p.m. ET||Fresno State||at||Colorado||Pac-12 Network|
|2 p.m. ET||Youngstown State||at||Michigan State||Big Ten Network|
|3 p.m. ET||Boston College||at||USC||Pac-12 Network|
|3 p.m. ET||Texas Southern||at||Sam Houston State||CSN-HOU|
|3:05 p.m. ET||Colorado Mesa||at||Montana State||Max Media|
|3:30 p.m. ET||1 Alabama||at||6 Texas A&M||CBS|
|3:30 p.m. ET||Nevada||at||10 Florida State||ESPN|
|3:30 p.m. ET||Tennessee||at||2 Oregon||ABC|
|3:30 p.m. ET||Stony Brook||at||Buffalo||ESPN3.com|
|3:30 p.m. ET||Cal Poly||at||Colorado State||TheMW.com|
|3:30 p.m. ET||Georgia Tech||at||Duke||ESPNU|
|3:30 p.m. ET||Delaware||at||Navy||CBSSN|
|4 p.m. ET||Ball State||at||North Texas||FSN|
|4 p.m. ET||Wagner||at||Syracuse||ESPN3.com|
|4 p.m. ET||Northern Colorado||at||Wyoming|
|5 p.m. ET||Northern Illinois||at||Idaho||GoVandals.com|
|5 p.m. ET||Alabama State||at||Arkansas-Pine Bluff||ESPN3.com|
|6 p.m. ET||19 Washington||vs.||Illinois||Big Ten Network|
|6 p.m. ET||Bethune-Cookman||at||FIU||FIUSports.com|
|6 p.m. ET||Iowa||at||Iowa State||FOX Sports 1|
|6 p.m. ET||UCF||at||Penn State||Big Ten Network|
|6:30 p.m. ET||Southern Utah||at||Washington State||Pac-12 Network|
|7 p.m. ET||4 Ohio State||at||California||FOX|
|7 p.m. ET||Vanderbilt||at||13 South Carolina||ESPN|
|7 p.m. ET||Kent State||at||8 LSU||ESPNU|
|7 p.m. ET||Mississippi State||at||Auburn||ESPN 2|
|7 p.m. ET||Northwestern State||at||Cincinnati||ESPN3.com|
|7 p.m. ET||UMass||at||Kansas State||K-StateHD.tv|
|7 p.m. ET||Nicholls||at||Louisiana-Lafayette||ESPN3.com|
|7 p.m. ET||Memphis||at||Middle Tennessee||CSS|
|7 p.m. ET||Eastern Washington||at||Toledo||ESPN3.com|
|7 p.m. ET||FAU||at||USF||ESPN3.com|
|7 p.m. ET||Rhode Island||at||Albany||NBCSports Regional|
|7 p.m. ET||Montana||at||North Dakota||Max Media|
|7:30 p.m. ET||Lamar||at||12 Oklahoma State||MASN2|
|7:30 p.m. ET||Maryland||at||UConn||ESPN3.com|
|7:30 p.m. ET||Kansas||at||Rice||CBSSN|
|7:30 p.m. ET||Western Kentucky||at||South Alabama||ESPN3.com|
|8 p.m. ET||21 Notre Dame||at||Purdue||ABC|
|8 p.m. ET||25 Ole Miss||at||Texas||Longhorn Network|
|8 p.m. ET||Marshall||at||Ohio||ESPN News|
|8 p.m. ET||Weber State||at||Utah State||ESPN3.com|
|8 p.m. ET||UTEP||at||New Mexico State|
|9 p.m. ET||Western Michigan||at||17 Northwestern||Big Ten Network|
|10 p.m. ET||Central Michigan||at||UNLV||Mountain West Network|
|10 p.m. ET||Oregon State||at||Utah||FOX Sports 1|
|10:30 p.m. ET||20 Wisconsin||at||Arizona State||ESPN|
|10:30 p.m. ET||UTSA||at||Arizona||Pac-12 Network|
Best option: UCLA at Nebraska
Announcers: Sean McDonough, Chris Spielman, and Shannon Spake
Odds: Nebraska -4.5
Weather: Mostly sunny with a high in the mid-70s.
An early season non-conference game featuring two ranked teams in the noon time slot? Yes, this Saturday is great. UCLA is good at running the ball, and that's precisely what Nebraska is bad at stopping. Points could come in bunches -- no, bushels -- in this one.
Plan B: Louisville at Kentucky
The Cards are big favorites over the Wildcats, but watching the fanbase of the losing team melt down might be the more entertaining than seeing Teddy Bridgewater tear Kentucky's defense to shreds.
Keep it in mind: Bowling Green at Indiana
Both of these teams like to score a lot. Not sure what else you're looking for at noon on a Saturday.
Break in case of emergency: Tulsa at Oklahoma
Blake Bell will get the start for the injured Trevor Knight. If he plays well and shows a decent ability to throw the ball, Knight may not get the job back anytime soon.
Best option: Alabama at Texas A&M
Announcers: Verne Lundquist, Gary Danielson, and Tracy Wolfson
Odds: Texas A&M +7.5
Weather: Partly cloudy with a high in the mid-90s.
We've been looking forward to this game for almost a year. You've read all the analysis. Let's do this.
Plan B: Tennessee at Oregon
The Vols have looked good against overmatched competition so far. So have the Ducks, to be fair, but they're a liiiiiiittle bit more of a sure thing right now. An SEC team is making a rare west coast trip, so good on Tennessee for living adventurously. It will probably result in a loss, but risks are what make life spicy.
Keep it in mind: Washington at Illinois, UCF at Penn State
All four of these teams have had encouraging starts to their 2013 seasons. That's going to end for somebody here, so keep an eye on these and have your remote ready.
Break in case of emergency: Iowa at Iowa State
SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: This game is only to be consumed if your hard-workin'-family-values levels are dangerously low. Be advised.
Best option: Ohio State at Cal
Announcers: Gus Johnson, Charles Davis, and Kristina Pink
Odds: Off at the moment, due to Braxton Miller's injury situation at time of publication.
Weather: Mostly sunny, high in the mid-70s.
We basically know what we're getting in Ohio State, but Cal has looked friskier than advertised to start the season. They'll need a better defensive effort to keep the Buckeyes within striking distance, but I'm sure Sonny Dykes and the Bears will be perfectly happy to turn this game into a shootout.
Plan B: Vanderbilt at South Carolina, Ole Miss at Texas
If the Gamecocks can't put last week's loss behind them and stumble once again, their 2013 season could be dead in the water before September is halfway over. Vanderbilt will be the underdog for sure, but they are certainly not a team to be taken lightly at this point.
Meanwhile in Austin, the townsfolk are at Mack Brown's gates with torches and pitchforks, and I don't know if Manny Diaz's dismissal will sate them. The Longhorns gave up an astounding 550 rushing yards against BYU last week, and Hugh Freeze must be licking his chops thinking about what his playmakers can do in space against this defense.
Keep it in mind: Mississippi State at Auburn
Break in case of emergency: Notre Dame at Purdue
Bold prediction: You're not going to watch this game unless you're a Notre Dame or Purdue fan.
Best option: Wisconsin at Arizona State
Announcers: Dave Pasch, Brian Griese, and Tom Luginbill
Odds: Arizona State -5.5
Weather: Partly cloudy with a high above 100.
Put on a pot of coffee, because this game is worth staying up late for. Neither of these teams has yielded a point to opposition so far this year, which is still impressive even when you take into account the overmatched competition. The winner of this game should be a legitimate top-20 team.
Plan B: Oregon State at Utah
The Beavers recovered nicely from their loss to Eastern Washington, but they have a much tougher task ahead of them in Utah. The Utes have quietly begun the season in a very competent manner, and could announce themselves with a big win against Oregon State. This feels an awful lot like a fork in the road for the Beavers.
Keep it in mind: UTSA at Arizona
Weird things can happen in the desert at night.
Break in case of emergency: Central Michigan at UNLV
The option is there, is all I'm saying.