Allowed 628 yards of offense and 42 points to Texas A&M, but scored 49 in response and relied on the arm of AJ McCarron to throw for 334 yards and 4 touchdowns. All told: 62 first downs between the two teams, a back-and-forth free fire zone of a football game, and a breathless run to the finish line finishing with an Alabama passing TD. In other words? CLASSIC ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE FOOTBALL.
2. Ohio State.
Beat Tennessee 59-14, handing the Volunteers their worst loss since 1905. Elated Oregon students chanted "We want Bama!" at the end, which seems funny until you remember that Tennessee has to play Alabama in October, where they could suffer the next-worst loss in the history of the program. Stop making us sad about clusters of historical beatdowns, elated Oregon students.
A polite 34-20 win and scrimmage in honor of our country's fighting men and women. You know what David Shaw has shown on tape for opponents to study? As much as you need to beat San Jose State and Army, or exactly nothing.
6. Texas A&M.
Lost 49-42 to America's new kings of fast-break offense, the Alabama Crimson Tide. Mike Evans, Aggies wide receiver, had 279 yards receiving against the best defensive team of this era. The Aggies play SMU next week, a team that barely beat Montana State 31-30. The number of points the Aggies can score against mortals is limited only by the duration of their sustained anger, is what I'm basically trying to say here.
A functional, 27-13 win over Kentucky looks a lot better when you remember that the Cardinals got off to a sluggish start, and also held Kentucky to zero third-down conversions. The game kicked off at noon and no, we don't care what you say, no one has ever played a well-wrought game of college football at noon. College students are barely awake at noon, much less ready to hit each other and catch footballs capably.
Demolished Kent State 45-13, and did away with their MAC opponent handily. Unlike some people in the top 25.
A bye week that you totally, absolutely need before facing the formidable North Texas Mean Green in Week 4.
10. Florida State.
In the second quarter, Nevada actually led this game 7-3 after getting good field position off a Jameis Winston interception. That's something you can never take away from Nevada, and so are the 59 points the Seminoles dropped on them after that brief moment of hope in a 62-7 blowout.
DOMINATED AKRON IN A terrifying, ramshackle, and completely unanticipated 28-24 VICTORY.
12. Oklahoma State.
Hammered Lamar 59-3, but that's what Lamar gets for owing Mike Gundy money.
13. South Carolina.
Jadeveon Clowney didn't even throw a single touchdown in a 35-25 defeat of Vanderbilt.
51-20 over Tulsa thanks to Blake Bell's exceptional work in his first start at quarterback. Bob Stoops didn't formerly base his QB depth chart on "ability to flatten a convenience store with bare hands," but life's a journey, not a destination, and sometimes that journey means giving the ball to the hairless mastodon in shoulder pads. (P.S. That's Blake Bell, because he is huge, and probably files down his tusks to prevent them from sticking out of his helmet.)
Spent the bye week laundering Al Golden's impossibly huge shirts.
Recovered from a 21-3 deficit to defeat Nebraska 41-21 in Lincoln. There is a requisite and easy point to be made about Nebraska's defense dissolving yet again, but the more intriguing story here is Nebraska's volatile offense being held to zero points in the second half by the Bruins' defense.
P.J. Fleck's Western Michigan team might have lost the war in a 38-17 loss to the Wildcats. You can never defeat rhythm, however.
Bye week, probably spent dropping something priceless and uninsured down a flight of concrete stairs.
Look at you, Illinois, staying within 10 points of Washington, 34-24. That sounded less sincere than it was. Here, try this, because we'll take sincere statements about Illinois football for $400, Alex.
Lost the most bizarre game of the weekend 32-30 to Arizona State. (This does not include Texas Tech-TCU. Lubbock is an unfair advantage in any contest of the bizarre.)
21. Notre Dame.
Tommy Rees played brilliantly in a 31-24 road win over a real, live, competitive Purdue football team. Smile, Notre Dame fan, for there is no kicker to this statement, nor any qualification of Rees' performance. He was good, and for this week you may exhale.
Bye week spent calibrating optimal levels of TURNT. Findings: optimal turnt levels are "all the way up."
Lost badly at home to 41-21, but, um ... IT WASN'T A NEAR-LOSS TO AKRON? Yeah!
Hosed by deranged officiating in 20-10 loss to Texas Tech in Lubbock.
25. Ole Miss.
Only ran for 272 yards against the Texas defense in a 44-23 win over the Longhorns, so is clearly half the team BYU is.