14. Kentucky
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It's a floor.
13. Vanderbilt
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It's a floor with modified elevation.
12. Ole Miss
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Likely higher on your rankings list than it is on mine, but that's probably because you like bowties and chandeliers more than I do. And that's okay.
11. South Carolina
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@JasonKirkSBN Darude doesn't even get that jacked up about "Sandstorm."
— Jane Coaston (@cjane87) April 22, 2014
10. Florida
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Bonus points for including essential instructions as to which hand does the chomping and which hand receives the chomp.
9. Georgia
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You might burst into laughter upon realizing Georgia's is, of course, a look back at that time the Dawgs were really good. Your laughter will silence as soon as you hear Larry Munson bellowing from above.
8. Arkansas
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Bonus points for majestic, slow-motion hog emergence.
7. LSU
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Demerits for using Guru's "Loungin'" instead of one of the billions of available Louisiana rap songs. Even an edited version of "Bitch, I'm From Louisiana" would've rocketed the Tigers into the top two without question.
6. Missouri
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Standard, effective commercial montage business. Commercials have gotten really good at showing ever-shifting groups of people saying the same thing. This is that commercial box being checked, and it is checked well.
5. Texas A&M
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DOG CULT
4. Auburn
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TREE CULT
3. Tennessee
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Undoubtedly the most polarizing. Could be your worst or first, depending on your allegiances. As a non-Tennessee fan who loves "Rocky Top" and has a child, I cannot say no.
2. Mississippi State
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Be true to your school. Piling plywood atop a truck in order to watch Bulldogs baseball is the definitive Mississippi State experience. And it looks like an awesome afternoon.
1. DAMMIT, BAMA
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WHY DO YOU GET TO HAVE THE EVER-LUMBERING TRUMP CARD THAT IS BEAR BRYANT'S VOICE
WHEN WILL YOU LEAVE SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE ELSE
FINE, JUST GO AHEAD AND CLAIM ANOTHER TITLE
DO WHATEVER YOU WANT