You may have missed it. It was overshadowed by something called World Book Day, which apparently involves children dressing up as literary characters and all sorts of other page-inspired entertainment. But yesterday, March 7, was the inaugural celebration of In Off The Crossbar Day, an annual celebration that in no way emerged from that most malign of all equations, Twitter plus boredom, and is certainly not being mentioned here simply to provide this collection of videos with a contrived introduction.
That's that out of the way! Now, here are loads of videos of the very best kind of goal. Enjoy. And why not dress your child up as your favourite? We're coming for you, books. Your reign is at an end.
Tony Yeboah Leeds vs. Liverpool, 21 August 1995; vs. Wimbledon, 23 September 1995
For all that England owes its greatest footballing triumph to a goal (that probably wasn't) like this, mention "in off the bar" to anybody that isn't, like, totally ancient and the word "YEBOAH!" will be out of their mouth before they even know they've heard you. The second line of Yeboah's Wikipedia page reads, at the time of writing, "Tony Famously had a thigh measurement of over 1m." Presumably that helped him do this.
Alan Thompson Celtic vs. Rangers, 29 August 2004
Doing this at any time is impressive. Doing it in the 85th minute of an Old Firm derby is, well, very impressive.
Roberto di Matteo Chelsea vs. Middlesbrough, 17 May 1997
Which makes doing this in an FA Cup final very, very impressive. (Ruined the game, mind.)
Zinedine Zidane France vs. Italy, 9 July 2006
And which makes doing this in a World Cup final even more impressive still. The stones on the man. Just a shame that Zidane was so quiet for the rest of the game.
Harry Kewell Leeds vs. Sheffield Wednesday, 30 April 2000
Once a upon a time, before his name (rather unfairly) became a byword for injuries laced with cowardice, Harry Kewell was a seriously good player. (Should the timestamp not work, it's at 1:25.)
Rui Costa Portugal vs. Republic of Ireland, 15 November 1995
Rui Costa was absolute filth. He barely even kicks this.
Oleksandyr Aliyev Ukraine U21 vs. Turkey U21, date unclear
Oleksandyr Aliyev, on the other hand, kicks this really quite hard indeed.
Eric Cantona Manchester United vs. Sheffield United, 9 January 1995; vs. Arsenal, 20 March 1996
The coolest that there ever was, doing it twice two different ways.
Paul Scholes Manchester United vs. Aston Villa, 23 December 2006
The best thing about this goal isn't the astounding purity with which Scholes connects with the ball, or the ridiculous dip, or even the general air of oh ... my that descends on the stadium. It's the Villa goalkeeper, Gábor Király, who just for a second thinks 'if I can get to it, I'll claw it out, and nobody will notice ... oh, everybody's noticed. Ah.'
Eder (and then Zico) Brazil vs. Argentina, 2 July 1982
A near miss now, which we include simply because the fact that this doesn't go in first time, along with the fact that Brazil didn't win the tournament, stands as the final proof that the universe is a cruel and heartless place. O crossbar! How could you?
Ronaldinho Barcelona vs. Sevilla, 2 September 2003
And we have, of course, saved (possibly) the best until last. Ronaldinho's Barcelona probably weren't as good as the current incarnation. But they were a distance more fun. Two different angles, one from the crowd, of this goal scored at about 1:30 in the morning. Laughably, laughably good.
With thanks to everybody on Twitter who suggested the above.