So this is running on Tuesday this week. I'd love to tell you it's because I live-blogged my entire life from Sunday morning through Monday night or something, or that I had so many crazy life adventures between Sunday and now that this is the first opportunity I've had to publish the running diary.
The truth, though, is that I forgot. I wrote down all these crazy innovative thoughts Sunday, I saved the file, and then I let it sit there until Monday evening, when my brain said "Dude, you didn't publish this." My brain talks like a stoner.
Anyway, this is my running diary of all my thoughts and insights and whinings from Week 16. Mostly whinings. Read on, and judge for yourself whether it was worth the wait.
12:52 p.m. - I had set aside a couple of hours this morning to wrap Christmas presents (because ALL THE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS), only for a bunch of fantasy-panicky friends to call me over and over with questions. "Will Peterson play?" "What do I do with Todman?" "Megatron?!?!" I mean, it meant I didn't get a lot of presents wrapped, but it is nice to feel wanted.
12:58 p.m. - A friend who works for the Redskins is in town because of family stuff, and she'll be at my house today, which means I'll have them on. But Colts on TV2, dangit. Nobody cares about the sorry ol' Washington team. Except my friend, but whatever, they pay her.
1:01 p.m. - I've seen questions about whether fantasy owners should start Kirk Cousins over literally every quarterback except Peyton Manning. So I'm putting it out there right now. It is 1:01 p.m. Cousins will be a bad fantasy start. I expect interceptions. It is possible I'm wrong. I can't pretend otherwise. But even if he plays well, he's a bad fantasy start. If you got to your fantasy finals and you start Cousins over Drew Brees or Nick Foles or something, it's a flawed decision. I maintain that.
1:18 p.m. - Emily pointed out to me that the Redskins don't actually pay her, as she's really just an intern. Whatever, close enough, the point stands. I wasn't under oath.
1:19 p.m. - Also, the Redskins and Colts have both looked bad so far, so we're both grouchy. Oh well. Beer.
1:25 p.m. - It's hilarious that Emily knows all the Redskins' players, so she cheers them on by their first names. It's like going to a PeeWee League game. I hope she starts busting out cutesy nicknames.
1:28 p.m. - Marcedes Lewis touchdown! He was maybe my best call of the year. Which says more about my crappy calls that it does about how good that one was, but whatever.
1:33 p.m. - Man this week is more difficult to get invested in than most. I think I wrote in just about every outlet I have after last week that I made it to the finals in one league. I didn't. Justin Hunter's 61-yarder at the end of the game Monday night (perhaps you heard about it) knocked me out, something I didn't even realize until I got the app update about 45 minutes later. That was how sure I was that I had the win. Well that means I'm playing for naught but pride in all five of my freaking leagues. Stupidness. It also means that I don't have a particular group of players I'm getting that emotionally invested in. Guess I'll root for my picks to do well. (Which means I'm rooting against Kirk Cousins and Andy Dalton and Shane Vereen, but for Andre Brown and Matthew Stafford and already-successful Marcedes Lewis.)
1:39 p.m. - Okay, the Jags throwing a pass to Brad Meester in his last Jacksonville home game, and him taking that for a first down that set up a touchdown, is awesomeness.
1:41 p.m. - Underrated: The fun of seeing dudes' breath floating back and forth as they line up for the snap in cold weather.
1:46 p.m. - So a "Here's the craziness in Washington lately" montage included a photo Emily took for something-or-other, which led to a whole bunch of high-pitched celebratory noises.
1:53 p.m. - I mean, I was down on Cousins, sure, and the Cowboys have a bad defense. But if they're going to leave an entire half of the field open for PIERRE FREAKING GARCON, maybe Cousins will be okay. Sigh.
2:06 p.m. - Hey, another touchdown for Edwin Baker! Good for him. I like those stories.
2:12 p.m. - Yep, still love that the entire NFL seems to have bought in on the "Go for it on fourth-and-short" thing. Even if weren't necessarily the right move - though it generally is - it makes for so much more fun as a viewer, and that should count for a lot.
2:19 p.m. - oh a kirk cousins interception i am so surprised who could have seen that coming oh wait its me
2:27 p.m. - Sometimes my keyboard just starts acting up, and I have to switch the program I'm using to remind it that it is a keyboard and I am the keyboard boss. So this is an entry I include only to teach the keyboard a thing or two.
2:37 p.m. - So both teams missed field goals in the first half of the Chiefs-Colts game. So they're even now, yeah? Is that fair?
2:45 p.m. - Whoa, Cincinnati is beating Minnesota 28-7. I had missed that. Way to show up, Vikings.
2:47 p.m. - So Pierre Garcon just scored, bringing him to 125 yards. The entire Redskins team has 150 through the air. So, uh ... good job, Pierre. Less good job, not-Pierres.
2:51 p.m. - Oh, hey, the Bengals scored again.
2:53 p.m. - I always like tracking the last team to score in a group of games. Today, it's the Dolphins - who desperately need a win, so that's rough.
2:56 p.m. - So maybe the Cowboys want to work up a "Hey, Garcon is good" strategy? Just a though.
3:05 p.m. - Emily and I have gotten into a Facebook argument (yes, Facebook argument, despite the fact that we are literally sitting on the same couch) about the fact that Burger King delivers. For the record, we are currently rocking three laptops, two smartphones, and a TV, and are debating whether we should hire someone to go pick us up some burgers.
3:07 p.m. - "You have to learn from past history," the announcer says, apparently thinking the alternative is ... "future history"?
3:10 p.m. - I've heard some blowback against the "control their own destiny" phrase, with nitpickers saying that destiny is inherently uncontrollable. Which ... of course it is, you pedants, but it's still a very helpful and functional phrase, hush up.
3:13 p.m. - A.J. Green, doin' stuff.
3:22 p.m. - I hate the Cowboys. Hate them. I only root for them when they play the Ravens, because the Ravens are the devil incarnate. And despite that hate, I kinda feel bad for their fans at this point. On the other hand, I predicted the Eagles would win the division, so I got that going for me. (Adding this after the fact: Well, I was dumb for feeling bad for them, because they won, then I was smart for feeling bad for them, because Romo is done for the year, then I was dumb for feeling bad for them, because KYLE ORTON! Life's confusing.)
3:24 p.m. - Brian Orakpo injured. I guess we will not be seeing him at the pancake social! #GeicoReference
3:25 p.m. - Yeah, so the absolutely-have-to-have-a-win Dolphins are still scoreless, and we're in the fourth quarter. Way to go, guys.
3:26 p.m. - I've had Vick Ballard on one of my rosters all season. For no reason, really, but when he got hurt I slid him into my IR spot, assuming I'd drop him as soon as someone else got IR-ed. Only ... no one did. Now it's just a point of pride. The Fightin' Vick Ballards!
3:28 p.m. - I hate injuries, but if Romo's injury brings Kyle Orton into the game, I'll get over it. Kyyyyyyllllleeee Ooooorrrrrrtoooonnnn!
3:30 p.m. - I had a long talk with my buddy Kevin this morning about how excited he was to be in the finals, how worried he was about Calvin Johnson's health, how he thought he might win anyway. At 2:35 p.m., I texted him that Johnson was active, and this super-excited-an-hour-earlier guy texted me back "Doesn't matter. My team sucks." Fantasy is the most bi-polar-able thing.
3:36 p.m. - So now there's a debate on Twitter about who is better, Kyle Orton or Tony Romo. And I'll just say, there are literally no bigger Orton fans than me. I am wearing a Kyle Orton jersey as I write this. He is not better than Tony Romo. Come on, guys.
3:37 p.m. - That said, when Romo went out for several weeks a few years back, I added Jon Kitna in fantasy and swore up and down he was at least as good a fantasy quarterback as Romo. I rode him to a second-place finish hat season, and I think I stand by that statement.
3:40 p.m. - If the Chiefs can score three more points, every team will be in double-digits so far today ... except the still-scoreless Dolphins.
3:44 p.m. - Only 73 yards and no touchdowns for Josh Gordon? What is this nonsense?
3:45 p.m. - It's a consolation matchup, but whatever - I was looking at my matchup against Lindo and saw that we were tied, and I still have Antonio Brown, Martellus Bennett, and Alex Henery yet to go, and I started to feel good ... until I noticed he has Roddy White, Shane Vereen, and Nick Foles left. Yeah, not so excited.
3:47 p.m. - Do you think the first person who figured out snow angels realized what they had done? That was just an iconic move whose originator is lost to time.
3:52 p.m. - Congratulations on tying the touchdown record, Peyton.
3:56 p.m. - It's fun when a player I've never heard of shows up in a play-by-play. What up, MarQueis Gray.
3:58 p.m. - So Emily has her computer on one site, and I have mine on another. Both of our sites are a good bit ahead of the Sunday Ticket version of the game. So she's hyperventilating about the Redskins' game on the computers, then re-hyperventilating when the same thing happens on screen. It's pretty danged funny.
3:59 p.m. - And, at "pretty danged funny," I believe I will bid you adieu. I hope everyone wins their fantasy finals, even my readers who are playing against one another. No, that doesn't make sense, but I get credit for magnamity.