Michael Jordan, the Chicago Bulls Hall of Famer who’s run afoul of the fashion police so many times there’s a tumblr page (WTF is Michael Jordan wearing?) dedicated to his questionable taste in threads, claimed he had no idea his cargo shorts would cause such an uproar during a recent round of golf at an oh so shi shi Miami Beach country club.
"I've been there many times and no one told me a thing," Jordan told ESPNChicago via text on Thursday. "Then all of a sudden they come to me on the 11th hole and say I can't wear cargo shorts. Wow! The round is almost over and you want me to buy shorts now? Yeah, right!!"
Jordan finished what could be his final game at the track since the New York Post reported that La Gorce CC officials don’t want the legendary hoopster and Ryder Cup gadfly strutting his terrible togs on their fairways again.
While on the phone waiting for La Gorce’s assistant GM to answer our call (it went straight to voice mail), we got to wondering where Jordan’s duds fit among golfers sporting awful attire on the links -- and when the USGA and R&A would get around to imposing an official ban on such outfits.
The hoots and hollers that greeted Jordan’s denim-draped figure at this year’s Ryder Cup came to mind, of course, since the self-appointed arbiters of good taste and etiquette positively forbid golfers from wearing jeans anywhere near the first tee.
Everybody’s favorite fictional golf course super, Bill Murray, looks like he slept in Carl Spackler’s bib and tucker each time he tees it up at Pebble Beach with such other notable slobs as New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick, who went all Coach Hoodie to this year’s celebrity golf tourney.
John Daly came under withering criticism for years for his clown-like appearance -- until his signature Loudmouth colors became fashion musts instead of fashion misses.
A Jordan heir apparent, Joakim Noah, caught the eye of fashionistas when he showed up for a Bulls charity golf tourney in a rally cap, collarless v-neck t-shirt, blue-plaid capris that reminded Chapeau Noir of pajama pants, blue-on-white argyle socks, and fire-engine red running shoes.
But even Noah’s blindingly awful getup -- which had the Sportress of Blogitude noting that he finished his round in time for “his side-gig moonlighting as a birthday party clown” -- did not win him a worst-dressed award.
No, that honor goes to the most egregious fashion fail of all time -- those dreadfully distressing 1999 U.S. Ryder Cup team shirts. Seriously, what was captain Ben Crenshaw thinking with those skull-imploding burgundy, window-pane blouses? Tiger Woods, for one, said he “threw it in the fireplace over Christmas and burned it. It was sooo ugly,” according to Golf Digest.
As for the cargos -- c’mon man! If they’re good enough for POTUS, Golf Digest’s fashion editor, and if you can buy cargo "golf" shorts from Callaway, Nike, and other merchandisers, they oughta be okay for Miami Beach.
La Gorce’s dress code, by the way, according to ESPN: "a collared shirt and golf shorts or pants, no cargo or denim. If there are pockets on the outside, it's not allowed."