So yes, this actually happened:
A mobster's lawyer ripped the FBI over its failed search for missing Teamsters boss Jimmy Hoffa -and even mocked the cadaver dog that sniffed for clues.
Attorney David Griem, who defended convicted Detroit mob boss Jack W. Tocco, criticized the three-day search, which ended Wednesday morning, calling it a waste of money and compared the cadaver dog that failed to find Hoffa's scent Tuesday to poor-hitting former Detroit Tigers outfielder Ryan Raburn.
"Remember why the Tigers got rid of Ryan Raburn?" Griem asked. "It was because his batting average was so horrific. It was just over .100. That's a much better batting average than any cadaver dog I've ever heard of."
Think about the possibilities! We've long had the Mendoza Line: .200. But doesn't .100 need a name, too?
Alas, our attorney seems to have exaggerated just a bit -- I know, right? -- as Ryan Raburn actually batted .171 with the Tigers last year before drawing his release.*
* Of course, now he's tearing it up with the Indians. Baseball is weird.
Still, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to separate Ryan Raburn and cadaver dogs after this.