#Hot Corner

Bud Selig's ringing paperweight

Jared Wickerham

Bud Selig has an iPhone! Bud Selig has never sent an e-mail in his life.

Which leads to the follow-up question of "What in the heck do you do with an iPhone if you don't use it to send e-mails?"

The iPhone can do a lot of things, though. You can still get a lot of use out of it without e-mail. A stab at what Selig does with his:

1. Sliding back and forth between pages with the touchscreen. For, like, hours. Because, good lord, how do they do that?

2. Not watching Dodgers games in Las Vegas or Giants games in Oregon or A's games in Hawaii. Because of blackouts. Which make as much sense as ever.

3. Selfies

Selig_medium
(Photo by Dave Martin/Getty Images)

Say ... how is he taking that if both his hands are on his face? Wait, no, don't answer that.

4. Pornography

Like ... stuff you wouldn't believe.

The freaky stuff.

20swim7_medium

The rascal.

5. Making and receiving phone calls. I guess that's what he really does with it. But that's not funny. Except you know he's at least come close to dropping the phone in a toilet. Now that's funny.

Seriously, though, even my dad has sent an e-mail. My dad would try to stuff 8mm film into an iPhone before he tried to use it, yet he's sent an e-mail. Everyone's sent an e-mail. Who hasn't sent an e-mail? It's like regular mail, but electronic. It's really convenient.

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