Everyone loves the faces of Olympic divers in mid-dive. It's fun, it's silly and the Photoshopping possibilities are endless. Well, okay, there's really just one Photoshopping possibility, but it's a good one.
As the 2012 Olympic Games in London rolls into its second full week of events, we wanted to celebrate the very best faces of the XXX Olympiad so far. (That's the Roman-numeral version of "30th Olympiad." If you were looking for the best faces of the "Triple X Olympiad," you'd have to visit a very, very different website.)
The great thing about Olympic faces is that they don't have to be contained to just diving. We've got plenty of diving pictures here, sure, but that's just a small part of the rich tapestry that is the Olympian face caught in mid-Olympic. We're about to embark on a journey together. I hope you enjoy it.
Jack Laugher - Great Britain - Diving
His name is Jack Laugher. You can't make this up. He looks like someone just shot Owen Wilson out of a cannon right after they slapped him across his mumble-mush.
Matthew Mitcham - Australia - Diving
Mitcham is one of the athletes who gets more than one photo in his entry, because I mean just look at this guy.
Julian Sanchez Gallegos and Yahel Castillo Huerta - Mexico - Diving
Simple. Understated. Elegant. You ever walk into a completely dark room and you don't know where the light switch is, so you're feeling around for it and you suddenly realize that your eyes are SUPER WIDE OPEN, as if that would help in any way? It works the other way, too. If you make your mouth and eyes really small, you'll fold up into a tight little ball. Try it. I'll wait.
Alexandre Despatie and Reuben Ross - Canada - Diving
Reuben Ross - Canada - Diving
Ross is also great at Olympicface even on his own. As you can see here. This picture is actually pretty sad, because, try as he might, he'll never be able to lick those sweet, delicious toes. WHY WON'T MY KNEES BEND
Qin Kai - China - Diving
Qin Kai wins two awards on this list: "Most Unnecessarily Painful" and "Bulgiest." That's why these athletes are the best of the best, people. So bulgy.
Troy Dumais and Kristian Ipsen - USA - Diving
"Bro, you think we're bro-y enough during this dive?"
"I dunno, bro, maybe? Pretty concerned we have nary a collar to pop between us."
"Well, you do kind of look like you're in an Abercromie & Fitch catalog."
"And our names are 'Troy Dumais' and 'Kristian Ipsen.'"
"Yeah, I think we're okay then."
Tom Daley - Great Britain - Diving
Daley is pretty well-known at this point for leaning against a wall wearing low-rise briefs. Which, let's face it, we'd all love to be popular because of that. He's slightly less famous for not winning any medals. I think this is important to keep in mind when you realize that all of his mid-dive photos make it look like he's sobbing uncontrollably.
Because he is.
Melissa Wu - Australia - Diving
The last of our diving pictures, before moving on to as-yet-unplumbed depths. We'll let Melissa's face say it all.
Sung Hoon Yoon - Korea - Field Hockey
Okay, first of all, this ain't a field. Secondly, this is clearly a photo of Keanu Reeves. I appear to have lied to you all.
Luol Deng - Great Britain - Basketball
Deng is already angry enough that he's on Team Great Britain instead of Team USA. Don't make him angrier by trying to grab that loose ball. THAT'S DENG'S LOOSE BALL DAMMIT.
Immediately after this picture was taken, Luol Deng bit a piece out of that basketball and growled at an official who tried to take it away from him. They decided to just let him have that ball and they bought a new one for the rest of the players the next day. Everyone wins!
McLain Ward - USA - Team Jumping
So leaving aside that "McLain Ward" may just be the most equestrian name this side of "Horselton Van Gallopstein," that is clearly Dave Coulier. And he looks terrified.
Etienne Stott - Great Britain - Canoeing
This is a picture of Etienne Stott not canoeing, because nobody knows what that is. Wait, maybe this is canoeing! Wait. Crud. Which one is the one with the javelin? I like his canoe skirt. That's the new hotness. You laugh, but it's no stupider than wearing Under Armour as a regular shirt.
Greg Ruthorford - Great Britain - Long Jump
I guess that chubby kid from the Sandlot is really into P90X now.
WHAT IS HAPPENING WHAT ARE YOU DOING I AM A HORSE.
WHERE ARE THE SUGAR CUBES WHERE ARE THE CARROTS THIS ISN'T MY BARN AT ALL OH NO
Nikola Karabatic - France - Handball
Nikola Karabatic looks distraught that someone just told him he's participating in Olympic handball. Just absolutely inconsolable. Hey, buddy. Buck up there, big guy. Come on.
Oh, I guess that's just his face. Carry on.
Tomasz Majewski - Poland - Shot Put
Okay, this isn't technically an action pose, but it's an impressive moment captured on film (or whatever it is that people use to take pictures now. Mecha-film? Giga-Kodak?) nonetheless. That is a whoooooole lot of smug crammed into one photo. If they gave out gold medals in smug ... well, you still wouldn't get one, Tomasz, because no one likes your smugsy attitude.
Dude looks like he's congratulating himself for winning second place in a Sammy Hagar lookalike contest. But only two people entered and the other guy was Jonny Fairplay. That was the saddest "celebrity night" that T.G.I. Friday's ever had.
Christopher Sherrington - Great Britain - Judo
Sherrington celebrates after ending a man's life. Sports!
Yi Jianlian - China / Matt Nielsen - Australia - Basketball
The best pictures are the ones that display both unimaginable despair and boundless joy at once. Here, China's Yi Jianlian is elated that his basketball is destined for the basket! What fun! Such a game! Ha ha!
Matt Nielsen, meanwhile, is so sad and terrified. Oh why did they put me on the Australian basketball team? Oh why oh why? Why couldn't there have been a sixth Australian man who has heard of basketball? Don't they know about my crippling basketballophobia? This most certainly isn't a g'day.
Choi Hyeonju - Korea - Archery
mmffhhhmmmh mmffllmmm hmarchery
Andrew Willis - Great Britain - Swimming
Willis looks on in horror as his precious water-baby dissolves in his hands.
Sometimes, the only difference between "dicking around in the pool" and "Olympic swimming" is motion.
Maryna Kyiko - Ukraine - Trampoline
I've already sung the praises of Olympic trampoline scores of times before, but it really is stupendous. And the midair faces in the event are every bit on par with those in diving. Mark my words: trampoline is the new hotness. Just ask Maryna Kyiko!
Whoops better ask her later it looks like she has to go to the bathroom pretty bad right now.
Ana Rente - Portugal - Trampoline
Yes, that's a lovely Frankenstein's monster impression. Now please focus on your trampolinistry. This is the Olympics!
Savannah Vinsant - USA - Trampoline
Savannah Vinsant may not have placed very high in the event, but her mid-trampoline faces have won the gold ... of my heart
Actually, this may not be a fluke. Here she is at rest.
Vanessa Ferrari - Italy - Vault
If you think about vault for any length of time, it is absolutely terrifying. What we're seeing here is the instant that Italy's Vanessa Ferrari (lol) realizes what she's about to do. This is what it is to confront one's own all-too-fleeting mortality. Let's have a chuckle.
Kohei Uchimura - Japan - Parallel Bars
One of the reasons why gymnastics is so fantastic is in this picture from the parallel bars portion of the team competition. (The parallel bars are not to be confused with the uneven bars -- which are also parallel.) In gymnastics, you're flipping and flying around so crazy, that you need to wear special pants. Pants that hold your socks in. Because otherwise you'll be doing come kind of triple-flip (gymnastics term) that your sock may very well come unhinged from your feet and go flying right off. You need those socks, guys. And if one of those wayward bits of hosiery go flying and hit a judge? Hoo boy. Kiss that gold medal goodbye!
Zhang Chenglong - China - Parallel Bars
Protip: this posture is not an acceptable greeting. Don't embarrass yourself like I did.
Linlin Deng - China - Vault
Rookie mistake, Linlin; you're supposed to vault AWAY from the Ark of the Covenant.
Michael Winiarski - Poland - Volleyball
It sure is nice of Cillian Murphy to take time out of his busy schedule and get in a nice game of handminton.
I think that
Uh, what I'm trying to say is uh
Shhhhh, wait. Do ... do you guys hear that?
OH JESUS LOOK OUT IT'S RIGHT BEHIND US
BEGONE YOU SHRIEKING POLTERGEIST
Matiss Burgis - Latvia - Table Tennis
And finally, sometimes all that's left to say is "table tennis." You may have gotten bounced out of the competition early, Matiss Burgis, but you absolutely won the gold medal in Olympicface. We salute you.