After a 3-8 season, the North Dakota _________ (they don't have a mascot after they were forced to change their name from the Fighting Sioux) fired head coach Chris Mussman. We don't know who the _________ will pick, but we have a favorite candidate: Christopher McComas.
McComas is not a football coach. He works as an IT guy at Marshall University, and his most hands-on experience with a college football team came as a student manager for the Thundering Herd. But despite his lack of credentials, he decided to go through the proper channels and officially file an application for the open _________ position:
It started with an email to the school's athletic director:
I would like to express to you my interest in your now open position for head coach of football at the University of North Dakota
Currently, I work in IT at a college in West Virginia, but I have many years of experience with football, starting with attending my first Marshall University football game when I was 3 years old. In the past 30 years I've only missed a handful of Marshall's home games, attended many road games, and all of their bowl games.
All the while I played various football games including Madden on Sega Genesis where I completely dominated with the Bills and Thurman Thomas. Seriously, was he a beast on the game or was he a beast because I was a football genius controlling him? I then moved on to a Playstation gaming system and purchased NCAA Football every year and put together several programs that completely dominated the recruiting scene and college football winning several national titles with Marshall University. I took them from a decent Mid-American Conference School on the game to a perennial national power that makes Nick Saban look like a chump. One year my third string quarterback left school early to enter the NFL Draft, he was a first round pick. Boom.
My football philosophy is basically an attacking one. We're going to give AIR RAID a whole new definition. Theoretically how many times do you think a team can pass in a game? Challenge accepted. We're going 5 wide, chucking the pigskin all over the place. Never punt. Onside every time. Chip Kelly will be calling me to learn my offense. We will put on an exciting brand of football, we will pack them into the Alerus Center night in and night out, go ahead and blow the roof off the place and add about 35,000 seats to that place.
I would love to speak with you further regarding this opening and what I can bring to UND, putting the UND back on the national map and making NDSU our bitch.
Attached to this email you will find a PowerPoint with more information.
PS - I prefer Coke to Pepsi, so go ahead and fill the fridge up in the head coach's office with Coke.
Here is that PowerPoint, wherein McComas shows why he's the guy for the job:
A UND staffer sent a form letter back to McComas:
Brian Faison forwarded me your email and asked that I respond to you. Thank you for your interest in our head football coach position. We are confident that our program has a bright future and we are excited to begin the process of selecting a new coach.
The position has posted on the UND website as well as other appropriate websites. Please be sure that you apply in the formal designated manner through our Human Resources Office (online process) before the December 10th deadline. Failure to do so will result in our inability to consider you as a candidate. It is possible that you will receive an email from HR duplicating this information but I would encourage you to read that email carefully.
This is the link to the announcement on the UND website:
Directions for how to apply are at the following UND site:
Again, thank you for your interest.
To which McComas replied:
Thank you very much for the email. I'll do this today for you all. Can I attach my sweet PowerPoint with the online application?
Also, some more very important questions:
1) How do you feel about me wearing a Steve Spurrier visor on the sideline for UND? 2) Will you guys go ahead and install an air raid siren in the Alerus Center for my offense?3) Are there any good taco stands in Grand Forks?
Thanks and GO UND ATHLETICS!
We got in touch with Chris to gauge how serious he was about his application.
So, why fill out a resume for the North Dakota head coaching job?
I noticed on Twitter from either @coachingsearch or @footballscoop that UND was looking for a new head coach, I was tired of dominating NCAA Football on my PS3 and knew they wouldn't be making a new version next year, so I decided it was time to take the next step in my coaching career. UND is a great job, it's cold as hell, but they play inside.
What (if any) affiliation do you have with North Dakota? It looks like you are a Marshall fan?
I have no affiliation with UND, I am a Marshall graduate, former football student Manager at Marshall and season ticket holder. I'm just the boss at college football.
At one point in your resume, you claim that you will make Nick Saban mediocre. At another, you say that you could be "the next Nick Saban." Which is it? Are you better than Nick Saban, or just as good as him?
Nick Saban is the greatest college football coach possibly ever, there's no one above him. So, by saying I'd be the next Saban I just meant I'd be the greatest football coach ever. Saban has won a couple AP National Coach of the Year Awards, when I'm done I'll be winning multiple Christopher McComas Coach of the Year Awards.
Which Hail Mary play is your favorite Hail Mary play?
I like the Hail Mary Trio the best, but lets be honest, they're all touchdown makers.
How do you think your resume will be received/have you applied to any other jobs if UND does not work out?
I bet when their search committee first got the candidates' names and current positions, they wrote me off, but once they looked at the resume they couldn't stop thinking of me. It's probably been nothing but discussions in Grand Forks about if they can afford me or not. They're probably trying to move quickly before Mack Brown hangs it up, so Texas doesn't snatch me up before UND can get my signature on a contract.
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