#Lookit

Rich Rodriguez in Hard Edge: A shot-by-shot analysis of the Arizona western

Arizona football has lost its mind somewhere in the desert, and that's cool.

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All non-Arizona fans encouraged to TAKE THEY PUNK ASSES HOME.

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Please note: this is the even slower shot of all the coaches walking. The first one was too brisk.

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All saloon doors in Arizona have mirrors on the outside, because the things that dry heat will do to your face will remind you to drink even harder as you enter a house of spirits.

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Let's review what's already happened: the coaches have walked down a street and arrived at a saloon. Rich Rodriguez has exited that saloon. Now, coaches are swatting each other and pointing at Rodriguez as if he's atop a mountain. But in fact ...

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... he is mere feet away and has already started smoking for the day.

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Having exited the previous shot stage left, Rodriguez reappears right next to where he just was, now sans backup. Later shots suggest they've all gone inside, tried of waiting for Sheriff Rodriguez to settle on his spot four feet away from his previous spot. You find yourself hoping the next scene is nothing but Rodriguez leaning on the other column.

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The list of non-Michigan Man things occurring in this photograph would wrap around the sun. For starters, there are no dictionaries anywhere.

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There's a lot of this going on in Hard Edge. The same shot, but from a slightly different angle and slower. Were this film to last a full two and a half hours, by the 45-minute mark an upside-down Rodriguez would be singing "Bleeding Love" so low and drawn-out that the university would be sued by the estate of DJ Skrew.

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A 45-man game of poker.

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Hard Edge is a consideration of human motive and action, but never reaction. Here, a man is hurled from the Grand Palace's mirror doors. What was his crime? We do not know, and it does not matter. He has failed the Quest for the Rose in some way and hopefully has family in Tempe.

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I swear to you: if I'm ever at a bar where a man goes sliding past like this, I'm going to point right at his face, exactly as captured in the image above, without ever touching him. Absolutely God-like power move.

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My favorite thing about Sergio Leone movies is you can catch little naps here and there and not miss anybody saying anything or doing anything besides staring at stuff. Hard Edge carries on that tradition by not running its title credits until it's almost over. Here, Rodriguez once again stares at stuff from a different porch. There's a gun.

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Like to think Arizona's offensive coordinator had no idea it was western day and regularly shows up to work like this regardless.

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Defensive line coach Bill Kirelawich's on-screen resonance is hands-down the most captivating and convincing. Gazing upon him makes my toes feel all blistered and sandy. Come play for Arizona football.

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Just in case you didn't get the point of this film, there's the word "recruiting."

Finally, the finest moment in the entire movie, according to many:

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