#Lookit

Carlos Beltran is a cat man now

RIP, human Carlos Beltran.

The Yankees didn't know it at the time, but they signed a cat man. Half-man, half-cat. He is what you will see when you close your eyes tonight.

I talked to a few of his new teammates off the record. Some comments:

  • "It's like, if he's just going to throw it up in the dugout, why eat the outfield grass in the first place? But he ... keeps ... eating ... it ... like an idiot."

  • "I roomed with him the first week. At five in the morning, he was sitting at the foot of my bed, yelling, 'I'm hungry, dammit! I'm hungry, dammit!' It took room service 30 minutes to get there, but he was quiet after that. I slept in the tub."

  • "He said, 'I'm the anti-Adrian Beltre. I loooove getting my head touched,' and he took off his helmet. Then he leaned back into my hand. What the hell was I supposed to do? I'm just a rookie, man."

  • "He was there for two hours before he literally buried his shit under the warning track and hopped over the right-field fence."

We'll always remember human Carlos Beltran instead of this cat-man abomination. Stay strong, Beltran family. Stay strong.
X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.