Via Mashable, we have the genesis of a new, thrilling sporting event:
This is now a sport. Participants will be judged on the following:
Absolutely the most important category. Struggling with a stubborn belt buckle or too-tight turtleneck can be death on naked White House gatecrashing attempts. From zero to nekkid shouldn't take more than 2.4 seconds.
Aesthetic form of wild gyrations
Five judges, with both the lowest and highest scores thrown out. There's no one right way to do it. There are a lot of different moves, like the Invisible Nettle Patch or the Inaudible Marvin Gaye Song, so the participants will have a lot of leeway.
Unintelligible statements shouted
Again, a lot of leeway here, but you're going to get higher marks for something like "THE U.N. KNOWS ABOUT THE WERECATS AND OBAMA ISN'T DOING ANYTHING AND MY FLESH IS BURNING" instead of "Hey, Obama, check out my bangers and mash, lol."
This could be a team sport, certainly. Complete with drafts and pre-draft coverage.
Pros: Lean. Not afraid to let it all hang out. Excellent awareness and ability to use empty space. Can flap goods without getting violent or out of control.
Cons: Lacks discernible rhythm. Gets hung up with tight socks. Relies too much on Obamacare and shouts of "Does this look infected, you pinko bastards?" Not really pleasing to look at naked.
The only real hurdle is convincing the White House to not tackle the athletes. Once they understand that there's nothing safer than a naked person approaching the White House -- no secrets! -- this thing should be fast-tracked.
Welcome to your new favorite sport, America.