Most athletes have a company or website looking for some publicity to sponsor them on Pro Football Reference, but Jake Locker gets none of that. Instead the benefactor didn't want any attention, just a chance to drop some smooth Lana Del Rey lyrics and leave without too much hassle.
The problem: Most Lana Del Rey lyrics are a total bummer, but that kind of fits because Jake Locker has pretty much been a bummer since being drafted. Hand, meet glove.
You only have 11 months to prepare your own set of sad lyrics for Jake Locker's page. Here's a good launching point.