We laugh at the Milwaukee Brewers sausage race. Ha! Grown men -- or perhaps pimply, teenaged interns -- donning hot dog suits and racing around like idiots! Dance! Dance for us, stupid monkeys!
However, tonight ESPN's Tim Kurkjian attempted to run with the sausages, and he showed that we should all have a lot more respect for America's men in casing:
Kurkjian is dressed up as the hot dog, Frankie Furter, and finishes well behind the pack. He's several lengths behind Cinco, the chorizo, and that's even taking into account the sizable "length" that a sausage suit would entail.
We could use this opportunity to laugh at Kurkjian:
"I really need to apologize to all my supporters in this race. I embarrassed you & I'm very sorry for that" @Kurkjian_ESPN post-sausage— Amy Lawrence (@ALawRadio) June 24, 2014
But I think we should take a moment to salute our costumed heroes. Our sausage friends don't get to remove their outfits for the public, but it's clear they're hardworking, finely trained athletes, capable of beating any takers who dare to don a sausage suit. Bravo, sausage racers. You're as talented as you are delicious.