Wiffle ball is the best random sport most of us have access to, but the state of New York was right when it banned the game in 2011, it is dangerous. Sure, thumb your nose at that all you want but that wont fix this poor umpires genitalia.
It's well known that the ball in flight is unpredictable, which is why you need to run serpentine my good fellow. Don't stand like a statue, umpire while jogging around non-stop, always being vigilant. Far be it from us to laugh at your misfortune but we're going to laugh at your misfortune.