As we wait for LeBron James or Carmelo Anthony or ANYBODY! ANYBODY! to make a decision on the NBA free agency market, we received some real NBA news:
Actual news: Nets have informed their mascot he will not return next season, may place Brooklyn Knight character on hiatus...or worse.— Zach Lowe (@ZachLowe_NBA) July 10, 2014
"... or worse?!?!?!?!" They might kill this mascot.
To be clear: this is not about the person who plays the mascot. Hearing this is about dissatisfaction with the Knight character.— Zach Lowe (@ZachLowe_NBA) July 10, 2014
BrooklyKnight Brooklynite, I have attended two Brooklyn Nets games. And even as somebody who generally is creeped out by mascots, I was perennially disappointed by how bad of a mascot BrooklyKnight was. As Lowe notes, that's not a knock on the silent person in the suit, who did the best he or she could. BrooklyKnight was just an awful, terrible, bad mascot, and I would like to explain why.
1. It is named after a porn star
I have been aware of the fact that BrooklyKnight was named after a porn star since Deadspin wrote this post about it two years ago, and it is the first thing I think about every time.
2. It had no connection to the team name or place where the team plays
The Nets could not have a physical manifestation of a net as their mascot, so they're in a bad place. This is why their New Jersey-era mascot was a coked-out fox named Sly.
They could have gone with something related to New York, or Brooklyn, a melting pot of cultures. Instead, they opted for a dude in armor, something of which there are zero in this city, unless you include the (extremely dope) medieval wing at the Met. Those haven't existed since, like, 1600. Nobody connects with them whatsoever, because nobody walks around in chainmail.
It's justified by the (stretch of a) pun on Brooklyn Net/Brooklynite, which is not nearly a big enough stretch to justify the armor dude.
3. IT DOESN'T HAVE A FACE
MASCOTS NEED FACES, BECAUSE MASCOTS ARE SUPPOSED TO APPEAL TO CHILDREN, AND CHILDREN LIKE THINGS WITH FACES!
THIS DUDE'S COVERED IN METAL TO PREVENT MEDIEVAL SWORDSMEN FROM HARMING HIS BRAIN WITH THEIR SWORDS
IF I WANTED MY KIDS TO DEAL WITH THIS AT A YOUNG AGE I'D BRING THEM TO AN MF DOOM CONCERT, WHICH WOULD IN TURN TEACH THEM A LESSON ABOUT THE DANGERS OF HEIGHTENED EXPECTATIONS
I'D ALSO BE A TERRIBLE PARENT
4. No, seriously, he scared children
As our Nets blog Nets Daily pointed out. BrooklyKnight has an Instagram, which is just littered with images of terrified children
5. This missed dunk
OK that's actually the best thing about BrooklyKnight.