The sweeping, 243-page Wells Report on the Patriots' "DeflateGate" scandal contains a whole lot of stuff that could get Tom Brady and the Patriots in a bunch of trouble. It's also pretty damn entertaining.
Texts between Jim McNally, the Pats' officials locker room attendant who seems to have been the chief ball-deflator, and John Jastremski, an equipment assistant who worked more closely with Brady, reveal a shady, but also delightfully bro-y and occasionally grumpy relationship centered around deflating footballs. Here's the best of it:
One guy got really angry at Tom Brady a lot
Frustration with Brady's pickiness and threats of retribution with "rugby" balls are a common theme from McNally, the "deflator." And then there's this massive burn:
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
... and really loves sneakers
Compensation usually came in the form of size-11 sneakers. You'll see a few mentions of kicks above, and there are more:
Kid.
Clothes, too:
...but didn't get his Uggs.
The other guy lied to his family about having Tom Brady's 50,000-yard ball :(
Shot:
Chaser:
When asked to confirm that the ball Brady autographed for him was the actual ball used by Brady to reach the 50,000 yard mark, Jastremski said that it was not the actual ball, but rather another ball used in that game, and that the Director of Security for thePatriots retrieved the actual milestone ball at the game. When confronted with the messages referenced above, Jastremski said that his statements that the autographed ball was the actual 50,000 yard football were not truthful.
It's hard not to feel slightly sorry for these guys, who got roped into what appears to be pretty calculated cheating, then had to deal with Brady's obsessiveness over said cheating. Mostly, though, it's funny and pretty fascinating to see the amount of planning, coercion, and frustration that goes into such an endeavor ... and a couple of grown men calling each other "kid" over text message a lot.
SB Nation presents: What happens when the NFL interviews a ball boy?