Brian Wilson Heads Into World Series With His Beard Tan And Focused

Hey, so about Giants closer Brian Wilson's beard.

Brianwilsonbeard_medium

Brian Wilson, whose beard it is, claims that the beard that has helped vault him to mainstream popularity in recent weeks is dark because it's in the sun a lot:

"I don't know what you're talking about. It's dark because we play a lot of day games. It's tanned. It's focused. Thank you."

Every part of that quote is great, especially the press conference-style "thank you." Even within the necessary context of silliness, Wilson says it isn't a playoff beard, but he has cast such a shamefully wide net of lies on this matter (the sun doesn't make your beard dark, friend) that it probably is, in fact, a playoff beard.

There are several definitions of "playoff beard," one being that a beard is grown until one's team wins the World Series. If Brian Wilson's 1" beard is in accordance with universal playoff beard standards, it represents 56 years of world championship futility. This gives, I don't know, the Cardinals license to grow chill five-o'clock shadow beards.

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