People say Twitter is going to change the way we gather information, and by extension, change the world. It will replace Google, some say. Why get information from a search engine when you can take to Twitter and Facebook and poll the people you trust most?
And who knows what all that means, but thank God Twitter has given Jose Canseco an outlet to share his drunken late night thoughts with the entire world. From 2:45 a.m. Saturday night:
Admit it: That'd be a kickass tombstone. And there's more. So much more. Who could forget the impromptu auction at 3 a.m. last Saturday? ... Enter the wormhole at your own risk.
I'm pretty sure this is literally straight out of an Eastbound and Down script:
This seems slightly ambitious, but might as well aim high:
And then, if you weren't weeping already...
...Bidding starts at $500! And if you're lucky, you can be there when he announces the Major League comeback he was tweeting about this past Saturday.
Do YOU believe to?
It will be like The Rookie mixed with a "Just Say No" ad campaign:
Just please give him the chance. For everyone's sake. You know the scenes from the first season of Eastbound and Down where things get a little too real? And it just gets really depressing? Yeah, that's what happened at Jose Canseco's place Saturday night.
Oof. Okay. Things just got kinda real there for a second. That's okay, though. I think Jose just needs a friend to help him through all this. Can he and Fake Tiger Woods hang out soon?
This Tiger feels all alone right now. Maybe this Tiger should just take a permanent #TigerSnooze
(God I love Twitter)