E-mails between Alex Rodriguez and Randy Levine highlight strange relationship between strange people

Jim McIsaac

Gazing long into the abyss

The Greek tragedy that is the story of Alex Rodriguez continues unabridged. He was suspended for 211 games for his alleged involvement with Biogenesis, but he remains free pending an appeal. That appeal will most likely be heard before the 2014 season begins. It's possible that in the event the suspension is upheld, Rodriguez could choose to retire rather than serve it out. Of course, knowing how long and wretched this saga has been to this point, that seems nearly impossible. Alex Rodriguez will be around forever. His story is the dumpster fire we gather around for warmth in these cold months.

And now, like a nice hot mug of chicory on a frigid winter's morning, Steve Fishman of New York Magazine has released, in excerpt, some e-mail correspondence between Rodriguez and Yankees' president Randy Levine. Only instead of chicory, this is like poison acid and instead of a winter's morning this is like a desolate post-apocalyptic twilight with lots and lots of really mean dogs.

If ever you needed evidence that both Alex Rodriguez and Randy Levine are seriously weird people, this is it. Most likely though, you knew this long, long ago. The excerpts provided by Fishman illuminate a continual if infrequent conversation between Rodriguez and Levine, and it reads like the forced conversations between people who don't have any clue about how to have natural, human conversations with other humans.

In May 2011, Rodriguez was in the middle of a slump. On the 11th, Rodriguez went 1-5 and the Yankees lost to the Royals. Levine wrote him after the game.

Levine: Hey, tough game, I’m worried about your health, u sure u r ok? You look to me like you’re a little off. If just a slump, you will come out, but if more, let me know.
Rodriguez: Hey Randy, yes, tough game. Just a little jumpy at the plate. I feel fine. I’ve been working hard with Kevin Long [Yankees hitting coach]. I will start hitting soon. My team needs me. We will win tomorrow. Have a great night.

In this small exchange, we learn so much about these deeply flawed men. Firstly, Levine, the president of the most successful franchise in American sports, writes things like "u sure u r ok?" I know this is a personal e-mail not intended for public consumption, but jeez louise. For any self-respecting person over the age of 12, that kind of thing should only be used ironically, and even then it's a pretty hackneyed device.

As for Rodriguez, the line, "I will start hitting soon. My team needs me." was most likely typed while he was looking at himself in the mirror and only half-pretending not to admire his flexed forearms.

The best of it though is Levine asking Rodriguez how he is "feeing."

Levine: How r u feeing since u left Robby [Cano] under 200, he needs some steroids fast!

How r u feeing, indeed! I mean, type much, Randy? Ha! What a galoot! Also, it's obvious that no one has ever told him what a comma splice is.

Oh, and also, he's joking about steroid usage with his star player who has been dogged by hints and allegations and admissions throughout his star-crossed career. Wow.

There is plenty more to read in the original article, if you have the stomach for it. It really only gets worse. Sorry, everyone.

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