Bored with Jeffrey Loria's Marlins

Steve Mitchell-US PRESSWIRE

We get it, Jeff, you have a lot of money and are kind of a jerk. Chill.

Hey look, it's a day of the week, so there is a story out about how Jeffrey Loria, Miami Marlins' owner, is kind of a power-hungry jerk. Not content to simply have the power to choose his subordinates, Loria has decided to tell them what to do with their jobs that they are better trained and prepared for, and, in the words of Jeff Passan, "personally mandated" a pitching swap of Jose Fernandez and Ricky Nolasco in Tuesday's doubleheader.

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This should probably generate outrage, but it's pretty tame and boring by Loria standards. Dude fleeced an entire city out of hundreds of millions of dollars with a stadium deal just in the last couple of years -- look how many Marlins' stadium stories poor Neil deMause has to write -- and no matter how much you love baseball, that ranks just slightly above "wanted Jose Fernandez to pitch at a time different than the scheduled one." Not that he's the only owner guilty of publicly financed stadium shenanigans, by the way, but he even went so far as to sign a bunch of free agents for his new toy's opening before sending said players to another country one year later. (Oh and hey, to a city Mark Buehrle couldn't bring his dog to.) It was extra effort to be kind of maniacally scheming and mean about the whole thing, to both the players involved and the fans who finally felt they could maybe love again, and it was rightly appreciated by people who are not Jeffrey Loria with scorn heaped on scorn.

Because of that whole thing, my ire isn't even raised that much when I see the following:

This is not the first time Loria has tried to tinker with his team's on-field product. Loria, one source said, also made lineup suggestions to Ozzie Guillen, the team's previous manager. Guillen ignored them.

Guillen's take seems to be the good one even if it ended up getting him canned. Loria's not my boss, so I can ignore him and say I'm ignoring him and he can't do anything about it.* Sorry, Ozzie, that you couldn't do the same, but I'm sure you'll chuckle when you see the news your successor is putting up with.

*Except for pay people to show up to my apartment and kidnap me and then trade me to Canada, too, or have me made into a piece of art situated in the outfield. Then probably hire kidnappers to kidnap my kidnappers and dispose of them in order to get out from under those contracts, too. And so on.

Remember when Jeffrey Loria told Jose Reyes to buy a house in Florida because Reyes signed a long-term deal with the Miami Marlins, who are located in Florida, and then like, days later -- while Reyes was probably being shown a real nice condo in downtown Miami that was close to a bus stop and a pretty tasty Cuban place he had always meant to eat at more often but didn't want to grow too fond of because he had heard the rumors of what happens to expensive Marlins players but had decided to finally let his guard down because Jeff suggested he should at dinner four days before and since Jeff picked up the tab maybe he wasn't as much of an old sourpuss as he used to be -- Loria signed off on a deal that sent Reyes to Toronto where they probably do not have as much authentic Cuban food nor need for a condo in Miami?

That -- and the whole hundreds of millions of taxpayers' dollars thing -- is pretty much why going over his manager's head is just some boring, day-to-day Jeffrey Loria.

Just for forcing you to remember all of that garbage, here's a gif of a cat clutching a stuffed animal that also acts as a metaphor for what Marlins fans should do with Giancarlo Stanton while they still can:

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