Jim Leyland and 15 great self-deprecating managerial quotes

Ed Zurga

Sometimes the only way to let off steam is to take a shot... at yourself.

On Monday, Jim Leyland made one of the all-time great managerial quips. Concerning the Orioles' great young third baseman, Manny Machado, he said, "Machado leads the league in doubles. I'm second in doubles -- double vodkas, double scotches ..."

Join our Tigers and Orioles communities: Bless You Boys Camden Chat

Managing a baseball team has always been a high-stress job -- when Frank Lucchesi was named manager of the Phillies in 1970, his mother was asked for a comment. Her first thought was, "The poor boy -- he's going to get ulcers now." One of the ways they have blown off steam is through self-mockery, either of their team or of their sorry lot in life. Herewith, 14 other great self-deprecating manager quotes.

  • "We could finish first or in an asylum." -- Frankie Frisch on his "Gashouse Gang" Cardinals, 1930s.

  • "I didn't see a baserunner for eighteen innings, so I couldn't make any mistakes." -- Casey Stengel after his team was no-hit in one game of a doubleheader and shut out in the other, 1934 Dodgers.

  • "They could knock your brains out -- if you had brains." -- Jimmy Dykes on his team, the 1940 White Sox, vs. the Tigers.

  • "Don't cut my throat. I may want to do that later myself." -- Casey Stengel, to a barber, c. 1940 Boston Bees.

  • "The night we won the World Series, I was understandably feeling my oats. I asked my wife how many great managers she thought there were in baseball. Glaring at me, she said, ‘I think there's one less than you do.'" -- Danny Murtaugh, 1960 Pirates.

  • "We need just two players to be a contender -- Babe Ruth and Sandy Koufax." -- Whitey Herzog, 1973 Rangers.

  • "The toughest thing for me as a young manager is that a lot of my players saw me play. They know how bad I was." -- Tony La Russa, 1983 White Sox.

  • "I got into computers four or five years ago. I fed all the information in and pushed the button. It said, ‘Fire the manager.'" -- Buck Rodgers, 1984 Expos.

  • "I still don't know if I can manage or not. I really haven't had much of a chance so far. When you're behind in the game by three runs all the time, there isn't much to manage." -- Larry Bowa, 1987 Padres.

  • "The doctor said I should do a lot of walking, so I walk to the mound nine or ten times a game." -- Cal Ripken, Sr., 1987 Orioles.

  • "The great thing about baseball is when you're done, you'll only tell your grandchildren the good things. If they ask me about 1989, I'll tell them I had amnesia." -- Sparky Anderson, 1989 Tigers.

  • "The weather's cold. My club's bad. My knee hurts. I can't putt no more. I'm off my diet. My wife is nagging me. Other than that, everything's great." -- Don Zimmer, 1990 Cubs.

  • "We're just as bad as the old Mets, but this time nobody's laughing." -- Dallas Green, 1993 Mets.

  • "It was one of the worst innings I've seen since I put on a uniform, and my first uniform was made out of an onion bag in the Dominican." -- Felipe Alou, 2006 Giants.

Sources include The McFarland Baseball Quotations Dictionary (David Nathan), The Gigantic Book of Baseball Quotations (Wayne Granger), and Baseball's Greatest Quotations (Paul Dickson).

More from SB Nation:

Ron Washington and the Jurickson Profar decision tree

Manny's done in Taiwan; is Japan next?

This is what happens when Uptons collide | #Lookit

Melky Cabrera: Ninja of Ineptitude

San Jose sues Major League Baseball

Wil Myers makes Rays' lineup even more dangerous

Log In Sign Up

Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.




Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.