#Lookit

Jayson Werth and the hardest thing in the world

Is hitting a baseball the hardest thing to do in the world? Literally? We investigate

Jayson Werth's lips emerged from a subterranean grotto of matted fur and saw their own shadow. This means we get opinions! In Jayson Werth's opinion, hitting a baseball is the hardest thing a person can do.

"Just because you can do something else doesn’t mean you can hit. If you can hit, you can do anything. Because it’s the hardest thing to do. There’s nothing harder. I can bake a cake. I could figure out a way to do algorithms. But a guy that knows how to do algorithms could never hit. It’s literally the hardest thing to do. If you can do the hardest thing, you can do anything else."

Let's not make fun of Jayson Werth too much. It is up there on a list of hard things to do. So much so, that if you can do it well, you will be paid hundreds of millions of dollars, which can then be exchanged for goods and services. They offered Will Hunting a lot of money to do algorithms, but they didn't offer him Jayson Werth money.

Werth is almost right, then. But there are harder things. The list below is an attempt to catalog those things:

Harder things to do than hitting a baseball

  • Beating the water temple in Ocarina of Time

  • Beating the water temple in Ocarina of Time while really high

  • Beating the water temple in Ocarina of Time while really high, as your roommate, Scotty, is yelling at you because you're going to be late to the Cherry Poppin' Daddies show

  • Beating the water temple in Ocarina of Time while really high, as your roommate, Scotty, is yelling at you because you're going to be late to the Cherry Poppin' Daddies show, even though one of the reasons it's so freaking hard is that Scotty threw down the controller after losing a Madden 64 game on a fumble, which made the A button intermittently responsive

  • Unironically high-fiving someone else without looking like an asshole

I've done at least four of those, though I'm not saying which ones. Therefore I am better at harder things than Jayson Werth, and I should be compensated appropriately. This society really, really has its priorities screwed up.

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