I've got a lot to explain, don't I? I will discuss everything from last night's show, both the good and bad. First, be sure to catch all of my recaps: there's week 8, week 7, week 6, week 5, week 4, week 3, week 2 and week 1. Make sure to read those before you get here. Alright, let's talk about the two fights on last night's show.
Before we get into the madness, let's go over the other stuff first.
First up was Chuck O'Neil's rematch with Zachary Davis. We knew when that rematch was announced that Chuck was going to beat him. When you beat someone once, it's much harder to beat them again. Fighters learn, adapt and get their attitude right. Any time I've fought rematches they've been much harder. Also keep in mind the first time he had to get the weight right. This time it was already on point, so he could just focus on preparation.
I also have to say Brock Lesnar was a big help to Chuck and all of us. There's nothing fancy about Lesnar's style, but Brock is huge on basics like positioning. I think he was instrumental to Chuck's success in terms of giving him the tools he needed to let his stand-up shine.
Zach Davis is a warrior. Trust me, I've been hit by Chuck in practice. He punches very, very hard. You could hear them smack against Zach's face during the fight. I didn't know it would do that much damage like tearing his retina, but I wasn't surprised he was hurt. His leg kicks weren't light either. Did I know he had two torn retinas? Of course not, but he stood through a beating.
The mood after Chuck's win among the team was very high. It was funny how Spike TV edited it. I actually fought before Chuck and broke the door before him, but for whatever reason they showed him doing that. You can actually see me in the background during Chuck's fight with my hands still wrapped. When Chuck won we all felt great. It was one thing for Zach to fight after I already stopped Ryan McGillivray, but after Chuck beat Zach you could tell Team dos Santos was totally deflated. We were still thinking like a team at this point, so that seemed like a very damaging blow if you ask me.
Then it came time for me to fight, on the TV show, anyway. I was amped. Incredibly amped. Everything felt different this time. I stayed out of the politics about whether Ryan was the weak link or not. I didn't care about that stuff. When Dana White asked me who I wanted to fight, I told him it didn't matter. It's a tournament, right? That means you should be able to beat everybody. Whether it was Ryan or Ramsey Nijem or whoever, it doesn't matter to me.
I did things differently this time. I threw that inside left kick. I was hoping for an inside superman punch, but it wasn't there. But from Ryan's jab, I got his range perfectly. You'll also notice he kind of threw it upwards. Instead of slipping to the outside, I slipped to the inside. That's when I landed the left uppercut. He started tripping on his heels, but I didn't really realize he was in that much trouble. When everyone screamed to get on him, I ground and pounded as much as I could. You saw what happened from there.
Now, let me talk about what happened in the house.
You first have to understand we started drinking not long after we had just got done fighting. We had also done the semi-final picks. I think part of me brought the fight home since my real fight with Ryan ended so fast. When you bring alcohol into the mix, it was just bad from there.
We all drank a lot. It started out with shots of Patron and moved to Jim Beam. Miller Lites were mixed in the entire time. We weren't just drinking to relax. We were going hard core. Everyone was drinking, too, although maybe not as much as some of us.
Things got out of hand fast. My adrenaline was still going. Things were beginning to escalate around me. They didn't show this, but Shamar Bailey got pissed after Ramsey started dancing on him. That helped to set things in motion.
Throughout the show, I tried to keep calm and poised. I excused myself from a lot of conversations or just insane bulls--t. I was trying to stay focused.
That all went away fast. Charlie Rader poured water on my head, but at the time I thought it was beer. I couldn't understand why he would do something like that, even as minor as it may seem now. I had a short fuse. I'm usually not like that. When I saw myself, it was honestly kind of creepy.
Unfortunately, everyone saw The Boogeyman came out. That's a side of my personality I usually only see in the cage, but somehow Charlie brought it out in real life. Something just snapped and I thought "This guy is your enemy now". Rather than try to bring people close to me, I was pushing everyone away.
Why did I bring up Charlie's son? I have no idea, but I have a guess. My birth father wasn't there for me growing up. Somehow Charlie's situation mixed in with my adrenaline from fighting and the booze all worked together to bring up my own issues. I learned a lot about myself watching that on tape and how I felt about certain things in my life. I was under a lot of pressure, I was trying to bottle up frustration and it didn't work. Well, it worked for a while, but ultimately did not.
I said some things I shouldn't have said. I was in a weird place. I was having crazy dreams in that house. The entire experience took me out of my own independence and removed all of my release valves.
I really regret saying what I said to Charlie and we've talked about it since the incident. I've spoke to Clay Harvison and Chuck, too. We are in a better place now than we were that night.
Part of me feels like this is what the producers wanted. Every season there is someone who cracks. It sucks it had to be me, but I've never lived in a house full of fighters competing against each other. That alcohol is also there for a reason. Maybe subconsciously I needed that to happen so I could fight Charlie and Chuck who were my friends in the house at the time.
The really weird part was how drunk I got. When I woke up the next morning, I didn't remember much. I had a scar on my left arm, didn't know where it came from. I started cleaning up and was basically none the wiser. But no one wanted to talk to me and who can blame them?
The last I will say is maybe all of this is related to me growing up angry. I only met my father two years ago. But I never wanted to bore anyone with my stories. My attitude was that no one cares about my problems, so I'll just keep them to myself. That didn't work, but that's what I was working with when I was in the house at that time.
I'm sorry to all who I disappointed, but I want you all to know I haven't had a drink at all during this camp. I'm training hard and staying on track. I'm living a healthy life, physically and emotionally. Thanks for all of the support over these past few weeks and watching me fight. If you want to contact me, get at me on Twitter or Facebook. Thanks again to SB Nation and I'll talk to you guys next week!