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SB Nation's @nascarcasm has obtained a still from Kurt Busch's video statement addressing the pit-road incident last weekend at Darlington and the subsequent run-in with the No. 39 team's pit crew.
While the video has not been released, we speculate it does not end well based on the image below:
Our satire expert @nascarcasm just wrote in to tell us he received the following press release today:
From: Stewart-Haas Racing
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Think a churlish interview would be detrimental to a NASCAR driver? Think again!
Stewart-Haas Racing is pleased to announce new sponsors for the 2012 season, based entirely on 2011 Sprint Cup Champion Tony Stewart's now-legendary "tongue-in-cheek" post-race interview at Talladega. They are as follows:
You may have heard a lot about debris cautions in NASCAR lately, particularly after Tony Stewart said the race-altering caution on Saturday night at Richmond was unnecessary.
Fans sometimes don't see the caution-causing debris on TV, which can lead to conspiracy theories from those who desire to see the evidence – though NASCAR vice president of competition Robin Pemberton called those people "needy" on Tuesday.
Anyway, whether you're needy or not, our anonymous satirist @nascarcasm has uncovered a huge scoop: Sprint is about to unveil a new device that no debris-watcher can live without.
Click on the image below to see @nascarcasm's exclusive:
(Make sure you click the image to see the full-size version)
This week, our satirist @nascarcasm has uncovered some exclusive information that shows NASCAR is modifying its "NASCAR Home Tracks" campaign.
See for yourself:
Our friend @nascarcasm – the anonymous satirist and graphic artist – just submitted his latest piece, which we think you will find pretty funny.
Says @nascarcasm:
On Saturday night at Texas Motor Speedway, Greg Biffle held off Jimmie Johnson to score the win in the Samsung Mobile 500. As is tradition at Texas, Biffle donned a cowboy hat and fired two six-shooters into the air while in Victory Lane.
This well-known tradition begs the question: Have other tracks attempted to work their own local customs and/or attire into their victory-lane celebrations?
The answer is YES, albeit unsuccessfully. Here are a few notable failures:
According to our anonymous satirist @nascarcasm, things got worse for the No. 24 team while leaving California.
It seems a miscommunication while the plane taxied to the airport runway about whether everyone was on board led to more trouble for the gas man.
(Click on the image to see the full-size version)
The anonymous satirist known as @nascarcasm is back this week with the latest in his series of NASCAR images. @nascarcasm says:
He's at it again! On the heels of the success of the World's Largest HD Video Screen at Charlotte Motor Speedway, Speedway Motorsports Inc. CEO Bruton Smith has announced Bristol Motor Speedway will be getting an even more eye-popping feature – what Smith describes as "The World's Largest Free-Standing Stacks of Unused Race Tickets."
Smith's new installation will eclipse the previous record-setting stack of unused tickets, held by the Florida Marlins, by several hundred feet.
(Click on the image to see the full-size version)
BREAKING NEWS: NASCAR humorist @nascarcasm has obtained this exclusive photo from Victory Lane. Here's his caption:
Moment of Triumph: Matt Kenseth and the #17 crew hoist the hastily-redesigned Harley J. Earl Trophy in Victory Lane after winning last night's Daytona 500.
Our friend and satirist @nascarcasm is back this week, offering up an exclusive image of Carl Edwards' Daytona 500 car.
The mysterious @nascarcasm says he obtained this photo of the revised No. 99 car after learning Edwards would attempt to please all of his many sponsors for the 2012 season in one shot. He also credits the Twitter account known as @TheMiniChad for the idea.
Behold!
(Click on photo for full image)
It seems the anonymous NASCAR satirist known as @nascarcasm is concerned about SOPA, and he submitted this image today with the potential consequences of the legislation in mind.
If SOPA were to pass, @nascarcasm could no longer create images such as the one below.
Here's the caption @nascarcasm claims goes with this photo: Oscar winners (from left) Christian Bale (Best Actor In A Supporting Role, "The Fighter"), Natalie Portman (Actress In A Leading Role, "Black Swan"), Melissa Leo (Actress In A Supporting Role, "The Fighter"), Colin Firth (Actor In A Leading Role, "The King's Speech") and Kurt Busch (Best Directing, Cinematography, Costume Design and Short-Subject Documentary, "A Positive Step For Me"), celebrate backstage following the Academy Awards, which honor achievement in filmmaking.
(Click image to see full-size version)
Man, it's been a crazy offseason. It seems like every single day there's been some sort of breaking news regarding driver movement, crew chief changes or sponsorship.
It's left NASCAR reporters like me to wonder: 'When will we get a break?'
Fortunately, our good friend @nascarcasm has come up with a solution. This early Christmas gift popped up in my e-mail today:
Motorsports journalists, are you finding the 2011 Silly Season frustrating? Does it seem like every time you're about to power down your laptop after writing a story about a driver/crew chief/sponsor change, another announcement comes along?
Well, to help you with any further Silly Season changes, we at SB Nation kindly offer you an easy-to-use template from which you can write any further stories. No more stressing about the lede, transcribing the quotes, etc. Just fill in the blanks.
Sounds good to me! Check out the image below or download the PDF here and fill in the blanks yourself.
Fox Sports television analyst Larry McReynolds revealed Wednesday via Twitter that NASCAR will likely ban radio communication between drivers during the Daytona 500 in order to discourage the two-car drafts.
In light of the potential rule change, our satirist @nascarcasm did some digging and discovered some secret correspondence between two high-profile Hendrick Motorsports drivers.
No word yet as to whether NASCAR will crack down on this type of communication as well.
The holiday season is upon us, so we here in the SB Nation NASCAR department thought it would be helpful to provide our readers with a few unique gift ideas!
Thanks to @nascarcasm – our anonymous yet hilarious satirist – here are a few items you'll want to pick up on Black Friday and add to your holiday shopping list:
This year's Sprint Cup Champion and well-known fitness freak Tony Stewart didn't get rid of that "dead weight" – he shook it off with the Tony Stewart Shake(Dead)Weight!
Using the groundbreaking technology of Dynamic Inertia, the vigorous vibrating action will tone those triceps and help you say "so long" to that pesky (and to this date, unnamed) dead weight! It'll provide a workout so quick and effective, you'll gladly wreck your own mom for one!
Young Austin Dillon made quite a splash in the Camping World Truck Series this year, winning the championship at the tender age of 21. He also made quite a dent in the infield grass, thanks to his patented victory celebration!
Now you can join in the fun! The Austin Dillon Slip N' Stop is five feet long (No room to slide – but you won't need it) and is made of a special galvanized rubber to ensure high grip!
Get yourself a running start, and make a full-speed, head-first dive! Celebrate your victory by coming to a painful, screeching halt in the ground! (Note: Wham-O is not responsible for any head or spinal injuries suffered as a result of using this product. Use at own risk.)
Nothing says summer like backyard barbecues, and nothing says Joe Gibbs Racing like a smoldering power plant! Lucky for you, Weber and JGR have teamed up to bring you the Joe Gibbs Racing/Weber 8-Burner Exploded-Engine-Powered Grill!
Made with legendary Weber Grill technology, combined with an actual freshly-erupted JGR engine, the still-simmering fumes will give your hot dogs, hamburgers and steaks that delicious, smoky flavor!
If you're like us, you have too many great photos and too little space to frame them all.
Some from family vacations. Some from your child's birthday parties. Some of your horrendously mangled ankle that you uploaded to Twitter.
Well, worry no more! The Brad Keselowski Digital Photo Frame lets you view up to 200, 2-megapixel photos of your jacked-up lower joint in crisp detail on the LCD display! The vibrant color will make every bruise, scar, scab and swelling pop right off the screen!
Following Kyle Busch's deliberate wrecking of Ron Hornaday Jr. during Friday night's truck race at Texas Motor Speedway, NASCAR harshly disciplined the skilled yet temperamental driver, parking him for the remainder of the weekend, fining him $50,000 and placing him on probation.
Furthermore, to refute any allegations that the now-famous 'Boys, Have At It' disciplinary policy is vague, ambiguous or inconsistently enforced, NASCAR has offered up a thorough, comprehensive and very detailed diagram explaining the specific protocol of the policy.
It was exclusively obtained, naturally, by our satirist @nascarcasm. Check it out:
NOTE: The above diagram is a follow-up to the diagram issued by NASCAR earlier in the year, which further detailed the specifics of the 'Boys, Have At It' policy following the Kevin Harvick/Kyle Busch post-race altercation on pit road at Darlington.
Brian Vickers sure made a lot of people mad while being involved in five cautions during Sunday's Martinsville Speedway race.
So according to this interesting Red Bull Racing press release obtained by our satirist @nascarcasm, the team is making a move to "satisfy any lingering animosity" toward the organization.
The suspicious press release:
RED BULL RACING TEAM STATEMENT ... 10/31/11
We at Red Bull Racing Team are aware that following Sunday's Tums Fast Relief 500 at Martinsville Speedway, some competitors in the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series were upset with the actions of one of our drivers.
Therefore, Red Bull Racing Team has announced that little-known Sprint Cup driver Bruno Grégoire Étienne Vicqares from Grenoble, France will drive the No. 83 Red Bull Toyota for the remaining three races of the 2011 Sprint Cup season.
We hope this this personnel change will satisfy any lingering animosity you may have toward our organization, and more importantly, expel any desire any competitors may have to intentionally wreck the No. 83 car.
Mr. Vicqares is excited for his Cup debut next week at Texas Motor Speedway, and hopes his car is 'très bien.'
Regards,
Red Bull Racing Team
(Below is a picture of Mr. Vicqares)
After Sunday's NASCAR race at Talladega Superspeedway, things got a little awkward for some of the Sprint Cup Series drivers on the way home from the race.
Graphics artist @nascarcasm gives us the scoop here.
Looks like graphics artist @nascarcasm has picked up on the Jimmie Johnson turnaround storyline (for more, check out this week's column).
Here's his sales pitch:
"Find difficulty in evaluating Jimmie Johnson's performance during the Chase? Looking to add some intrigue to a championship race that may be won by the same guy for six years straight? Worry no longer!
Purchase the official Jimmie Johnson Chase For The Sprint Cup Media Trajectory Meter, flip it on during the next Chase race, and it'll quickly become a task easier than a Cup driver winning a Nationwide race!
Purchase now – only six races left!"
Uh oh. The artist known as @nascarcasm has photographic evidence of a revenge plot currently taking place at the racetrack.
Says @nascarcasm: "With revenge on his mind from years of exploitation in Victory Lane at New Hampshire Motor Speedway, this year's Loudon Lobster unleashes a weekend-long reign of terror."
Looks like director Oliver Stone has heard about the conspiracy theory that says Paul Menard intentionally spun out to help Richard Childress Racing teammate Kevin Harvick – at least according to @nascarcasm.
Stone hasn't had too many hit movies since JFK, but this sounds like a good one.
Tony Stewart can occasionally be unpleasant toward reporters, as he was in a televised media availability session on Friday at Richmond International Raceway.
In light of that development, humorist @nascarcasm humbly submits this color-coded "Tony Stewart Anger Advisory Alert" system:
Yes, it's true. Everyone's favorite debauched, super-tanned star of MTV's Jersey Shore, Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi, will wave the green flag at Richmond International Raceway!
Here's @nascarcasm's idea of what it'll look like when she pays a visit to the No. 20 team hauler.
Our artist @nascarcasm is back this week with an image concerning the secret to NASCAR success.
Says the artist: "Observing how Brad Keselowski began a streak of incredible luck after suffering an ankle injury, several drivers take matters into their own hands...and get in line."
You'd think all Australians would cheer Marcos Ambrose's first career NASCAR Sprint Cup Series victory at Watkins Glen today. But nooooo.
Thanks to @nascarcasm, you can see that one of Ambrose's fellow Aussies was not too pleased about the win.
In light of the rain-delayed Camping World Truck Series and ARCA races at Pocono Raceway this weekend – and the threat of rain for today's Sprint Cup Series race – @nascarcasm has designed a new logo for the "Tricky Triangle."
This week, @nascarcasm offers this timely image relating to Carl Edwards' decision about where to drive next year.
Is this Carl's next flip?
Austin Dillon won the NASCAR Camping World Truck Series race at Nashville last weekend in an impressive performance. Not quite as impressive was his post-race celebration, in which Dillon attempted a head-first slide into the grass but face-planted instead.
Still, all is not lost for young Dillon. Artist @nascarcasm has come up with three ways Dillon's slide technique could be used for other things aside from just a failed NASCAR celebration.
Dillon could:
1. Join Cirque du Soleil
2. Perform at SeaWorld
3. Fight a giant scorpion
The latest from @nascarcasm is a suggestion for some new NASCAR apparel.
Says @nascarcasm: "TNT's summer NASCAR coverage has ended, but they're getting a jump on their promotional merchandise for next season."
The artist known as @nascarcasm relayed this image in the aftermath of the Kentucky Speedway race.
Says @nascarcasm: "I went to the Kentucky Speedway website to read the track's statement regarding Saturday's issues. Coincidentally, I received this error message."
Editor's note: This is satire and is not an actual representation of the Kentucky Speedway website.
Twitter's anonymous @nascarcasm is a big race fan who "sometimes creates imagery to manifest his poor sportsmanship."
Those are his words, not ours. But we're happy he expresses himself in that manner, because both his Twitter feed and his NASCAR-related editorial graphics are often hilarious.
We're pleased to tell you that, on occasion, @nascarcasm has agreed to share these images with SB Nation in hopes of bringing a few chuckles to the greater NASCAR Nation. It's important to note that these images are satire and NOT real.
If you'd like to praise Mr. @nascarcasm – or even yell at him – he is reachable, appropriately, at nascarcasm@gmail.com.
NASCAR Image Of The Week: Jimmie Johnson's New Video Game
Last year, Jimmie Johnson's Anything With An Engine video game was released. It gave players a chance to race anything from recliners to lawn mowers to shopping carts.
But the game was missing one important element, which Johnson showed after his win Saturday night in the NASCAR Sprint All-Star Race.
Fortunately, Johnson and his video game team are already planning an update to the game – at least according to @nascarcasm.
May 20 8:43p by Jeff Gluck - 0 comments