When I was a kid, I enjoyed reading Rick Reilly's column in Sports Illustrated. I found them neat and fun to read. Now his column is just a list of nicknames for basketball players.
"I'm just going to call them The Big Three," says TNT's Marv Albert, who will be taking plenty of Heat this season. "Nobody wants to hear something cute for three hours."
I think Marv Albert is on to something. But why is "heat" capitalized here? It isn't-- oh. Oh! Reilly, you old devil, you've done it again! How many nicknames can you come up with for the trio of LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh? Go!
• The Miami Threet
• The Three Rise Men
• Three Men and a Riley
• The Three A-ME-gos
• Strike Three
I'm going to stop here, because you get the idea. Obviously, this is supposed to be a campy article, but I prefer to believe that Reilly spent hour upon tortured hour at his desk, laboring over what he considered to be his magnum opus. After ten hours, he had produced this.
- The Heat
- The Miami Heat
- The Three A-MIAMI-gos
- Three Coins In A Fountain
- Three Frickin' Millionaire Crybabies In A Fountain
- Three Frickin' Millionaire Crybabies In A Basketball Arena
- The Gainfully Employed Three
- Three Human Beings That Are Alive And Exist
- Dwyane Wade, LeBron James, And Chris Bosh
- Can You Believe These Guys, Let Me Tell You Something About These Guys
The Four Basketball PlayersNo! Just three!!!!
- Dwyanes, James, And Chrisboshomobiles
- john hughes movies john hughes movies john hughes movies johnvlvklv
- Home A-bron
- Uncle Dunk
- She's Having A Dynasty
- Miami Vicelebron
- Threesome! Boi-oi-oi-oing!!!
- Three individuals that, when it comes down to it, aren't terribly different from you or me
- The Transporter Three, Starring Jason Statham (get him in a rom-com already, Hollywood!)
- write, richard. your hands are two brittle to wield a hammer or meat cleaver. this world has no other place for you. it is too late. you have chosen. write.
- LeBronny And Clyde And Dwyane And Chris
- Merry Chrisboshmas
- Happy LeBronnukah
- Janet Jackson Wardr
Rick Reilly's pencil head broke. He sat back. He needed to clear his head. He crumbled the paper into a ball and tossed it into his Transporter 3-themed wastebasket and retreated to his gazebo. Whenever he was discouraged, he knew he could find refuge in his favorite book and his drink of choice.
He poured half a bottle of Miller Chill into a wine glass, kicked up his feet, and opened to the bookmarked page of Dilbert Anthology: Bring Me The Head Of Willy The Mailboy! Everything, for a time, was better.