The Boston Celtics beat the Miami Heat on Sunday for the third time this season. The teams won't meet again until the final weekend of the regular season, when issues surrounding home court advantage could very well be settled. As such, and with all due respect to the Chicago Bulls and Orlando Magic, we could head into a potential Eastern Conference Finals match-up between the C's and Heat with Boston's complete domination over Miami as the central storyline.
That is, of course, unless you had a different takeaway from the Celtics' latest win. Oh, you're undecided? Well then! We have a convenient rundown of all possible conclusions you could draw from Sunday's game. Read them over and try one on for size.
Option A: It's Ovah!
The Celtics are 3-0 against the Heat, and that's all you need to know. This sort of domination hasn't been seen since the Mexican-American War. Ta' hell with the Alamo; remember the Garden, where the C's kicked your tail, Heatbros? LeBron James continues to be a chokefraud who will never win a ring (of which Lucky the Leprechaun has 17, in case you forgot). LeBum clearly has no idea how to win on the biggest stage, and now Boston's in that paper champion's head. He'll never win in Beantown again. Mark my words.
Choose Option A If You Are: From Boston, love Skip Bayless, have the preamble to the Constitution tattooed on your inner thigh.
Others Who Choose Option A: The entirety of New England, Dan Gilbert, Skip Bayless, Skip Bayless' guns.
Option B: Regular Season Doesn't Mean A Thing
The Heat are 0-3 against the Celtics, but it doesn't matter, because the regular season doesn't matter. Isn't it Boston, in fact, also crowing about how only rings matter? The Cavaliers, after all, won two of the three regular season games that mattered against the Celtics in the last regular season. Boston couldn't shut up about the postseason then. So now, when it's convenient for Boston they'll crow about the regular season? Pffft.
Besides, LeBron has been killing the Celtics. When's that clownfraud Dwyane Wade going to step up?
Choose Option B If You Are: A Boston hater, a LeBron James jock sniffer, someone who wears glasses with thick rims.
Others Who Choose Option B: Rony Seikaly, 75 percent of ESPN's paid basketball staff.
Option C: When's Football Coming Back?
God, I hate February. Just crappy regular season basketball and hockey? Ugh!!!! Gimme my smashed skulls and ice cold Oly!
Choose Option C If You Are: An NBA hater, someone who just likes to complain about bougie stuff like recreational sports viewing options one month out of the year.
Others Who Choose Option C: YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Also, most Communist nations (North Korea and the People's Republic of China excluded).
Option D: The Lakers Are Still The Best!
No matter what the Celtics and Heat think, the Lakers are the NBA's only current two-time defending champion, right? The match-up between Boston and Miami is just a showdown for second place. Only losers care about stuff like that. No one can deny the awesome power of Kobe Bryant; just ask the Celtics, who we beat already this week. This is boring. I mean, did you guys see the Lakers win on Thursday?
Choose Option D If You Are: Refusing to acknowledge the Lakers look a step slow this season, refusing to acknowledge Christmas Day, refusing to acknowledge the Lakers' blow-out loss to the Magic on Sunday.
Other Who Choose Option D: The People's Republic of China, Billy Crystal.
Option E: What A Thrilling Storyline!
The Mighty Boston Celtics have again beaten the Marvelous Miami Heat, setting up an epic race to the finish for home court advantage in the East. That means that every game matters in the balance of the regular season, including this Wednesday's game between the Celtics and the up and coming New Jersey Nets, and Tuesday's game between the Heat and the fiery Indiana Pacers. You won't want to miss a single game, because every play counts! You can see all the action on NBA League Pass, now available for a special rate just because the NBA cares about you. Don't forget to tune into All-Star Weekend! Also, can I interest you in a limited edition "Boston Celtics: 2011 Season Series Vs. Miami Heat Champions" t-shirt? Available for a short time only!
Choose Option E If You Are: David Stern.
Other Who Choose Option E: Adam Silver, but only because he's sucking up to David Stern.