So far this year, the Carmelo Anthony trade rumors have put him on the Knicks, the Nets, the Bulls, the Clippers, and most recently, the Los Angeles Lakers. It. Simply. Never. Ends. And now we hear that after all this, he might stay in Denver?
Let's think about just how crazy that is. The whole reason Denver is shopping Carmelo is because he's made it obvious to everyone in the organization that he has no intention of re-signing in Denver. As a source told Yahoo! Sports this week, "With the way he’s distanced himself from the team, the organization, they’re kidding themselves if they think he’s signing a new deal. He hasn’t checked out on the season because he never checked in."
The writing isn't on the wall; it's on the court, it's in the media, it's on Twitter, and it may as well be hanging on a banner outside the Pepsi Center and Madison Square Garden—Carmelo wants to go to the Knicks this summer. The problem is that everyone knows this.
Think about it like this: When everyone knows you need to trade a player, you're not going to get many fair offers. It'd be like having Fantasy Football team that got picked with auto-draft on Yahoo, where you ended up with Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady. (This is unrealistic, but just go with it.) In that scenario, you can only start one of them, so everyone knows you need to trade the other one.
Unless you're playing in a league full of idiots, there's no way you're getting more than 60% value for either guy. And you're screwed if you keep them both--having one of your two best players on the bench every week isn't a great strategy. So ultimately, it's best to just cut your losses and try to make it work with whoever you get back. Or so you would think.
But this Mark Stein tweet has me wondering about Denver:
And, um, maybe they've forgotten why these rumors began in the first place... CARMELO IS LEAVING. It's not like he's underwhelming everyone because he's not good anymore, and Denver is dangling him on the market in case someone makes a killer offer. Denver's shopping him because if they don't get rid of him before next week's trade deadline, they lose him for nothing.
That's why it's so hilarious that they'd even consider asking the Knicks for Raymond Felton, Landry Fields, Danilo Gallinari, Wilson Chandler, AND a first-round pick. Like, do they really believe they could swindle someone with this deal? There are a lot of idiots in the NBA, but nobody stupid enough to break the bank to replenish a team that's about to go bankrupt on its own. Not even James Dolan, and definitely not Donnie Walsh.
Denver's spent the entire year auctioning 'Melo off to the highest bidder, but it's like a bankruptcy auction. You get back what you can, and above all else, you sell. Because you have no choice. You don't get fair value, but you can get enough to survive. The rest of the league knows this is where the Nuggets are, but does Denver know it themselves?
It seems like Denver's assumes they're playing poker full of idiots, but make no mistake, if they talk themselves into the possibility of keeping Carmelo past next weekend's deadline, then they are the idiots. And at a poker table featuring James Dolan, Billy King, and the L.A. Clippers... I mean, you'd have to be really stupid to be the idiot of that bunch.
Now, onto a love-themed version NBA Talking Points...
1. Get Ready for All-Star Weekend With This Primer On NBA Groupies.
This guide to NBA Groupies on Twitter is funny for a lot of reasons, but I think my favorite part is how all these girls became "famous." The players they've been linked to are guys like Wesley Johnson, Joe Smith, Matt Barnes (above), Peja Stojakovic, and Deshawn Stevenson. It's all way, way too perfect. Because if basketball players were women, wouldn't those players be considered the groupies of the NBA?
I mean, I can't speak for everyone, but Deshawn Stevenson is definitely a groupie.
2. Speaking of Would-Be Basketball Wives...
After Laura Govan, Gilbert Arenas' ex-wife, had him served with a child support subpoena at halftime of a Magic game and went on a publicity tour to smear his name, Gilbert fires back.
"Well, I don't want to get into all the he-said, she-said stuff. Whoever the source is, they're pretty accurate on the things they are saying. ... You have enough money to get a publicist, but there's no money for the kids to eat? She's watching too much Basketball Wives.
... Sure, I'm a deadbeat daddy. I get it. I'm the best daddy in the world until I didn't want to be with you. And then I'm a deadbeat daddy. I think she did this the last time we broke up.
Look, you have your lawyer. I have my lawyer. Let's do it that way."
A good rule of thumb: if you've had an on-again off-again relationship with a woman that includes a series of angry breakups and/or getting thrown out of your own house, no matter how great the sex is when things are going good, DO NOT MARRY THIS WOMAN. If you're a millionaire athlete, or if you're an accountant; it can only end exactly the way it has for Laura Govan and Gilbert Arenas.
3. But True Love DOES Exist In The NBA
Khloe and Lamar have an Unbreakable Bond!
As Khloe explained Lamar's Valentine's surprise:
"Lamar was still in New York playing the Knicks and he was scheduled to arrive the following morning. So I was planning on renting a movie and just going to bed but when I walked into the room, my jaw dropped. Lamar had pre-arranged to have 27 vases placed all throughout our hotel room - each containing a dozen red roses. We met on the 27th, got married on the 27th, my name change was processed and finalised on the 27th, to name a few. Needless to say I was OVERWHELMED, shocked and soooo speechless."
I won't say that I'm rooting for this relationship to go bad, but I will say that if it ever does go bad, Lamar Odom will spend the ensuing three to five years compensating for all this behavior, and we could end up with another Shawn Kemp situation. His teammates should be worried about him right now. Not because of all this stuff with Khloe, but for what might happen if/when he snaps out of it. Again, I'm not saying I want this to happen, but it's inevitable.
4. It Will Be Like The Shark Tank All Over Again.
From something we did last year, my favorite NBA Groupie story:
There's a veteran NBA player who will go unnamed here, but who's been happily married for a few years now. Every time he and his entourage arrive in a city to party—like Dallas next weekend, for instance—they rent two separate hotel rooms.
The first room, called "The Holding Tank," is where the player and friends party with certain females that are lucky enough to make it back to the hotel with said superstar. And then the second room, called "The Shark Tank," is where the superstar and his associates get intimate with whichever groupies are lucky enough to make it past the holding tank.
There's nothing more to the story, really, except that... This actually happens. The player made shirts, and of course his entire entourage wears them.
I LOVE THIS GAME.
5. Finally, Some Advice On Romance, Courtesy Of Caron Butler
Caron Butler with some surprisingly spot-on suggestions for Valentine's Day:
Take Her To The Spa: It is a relaxing way to enjoy the day together, and you know she'll love it.
A Romantic Dinner: You probably should have reservations at a restaurant by now. If you don't, then think about staying in and cooking for her. She'll be impressed.
Roses: Do not mess that up. A must on Valentine's Day.
Jewelry: All women love jewelry. Need I say more?
Take her to a play: It will show your sensitive side and is sure to score you some points.
Bonus-Romantic getaway: Instead of going home that evening, take her to spend the night at a bed and breakfast or hotel.
Don't argue with the expert, guys. Go pick up that Maverick musk ASAP.