In this series, we're simulating all eight of the first-round NBA Playoffs series... using the worst 1990s basketball video games we can find.
Simulation software used: Rap Jam - Volume One (Super Nintendo, 1995)
Years ago, an associate of mine wrote a delightful piece on Rap Jam, which, to my knowledge, is the only video game that allows you to slam dunk with every member of notable Queens-based rap group Onyx. In this game, you build a roster from a thoroughly nonthreatening stable of 1990s hip-hop artists, such as LL Cool J, Coolio, Flavor Flav, and Everlast.
Never play this game because it is horrible.
I tried to mimic the teams after the Bulls and Pacers as closely as this particular simulation would allow me to, ultimately deciding to pit Warren G (Derrick Rose), Queen Latifah (Joakim Noah), and Chuck D (Carlos Boozer) against Sticky Fingaz (Darren Collison), Everlast (Tyler Hansbrough), and Coolio (Danny Granger).
Simulated result: Pacers win, 26-14. Hansbrough simply dominated the offensive glass, and poor shot selection on the part of Rose sealed the Bulls' fate, resulting in a shocking upset.
(Due to technological limitations, sound is not available on this video. We apologize. If you want the full audio experience, just bounce a basketball and yell, "YEAH!" every five seconds while watching this.)
Keys to the game:
For simulations of the rest of the NBA Playoffs' first-round match-ups, check out the rest of this StoryStream. And for actual, intelligent analysis of these teams, check out our Bulls blog, Blog a Bull, and our Pacers blog, Indy Cornrows.