2011 NBA Mock Draft: Feed Kyrie Irving To The Wolves

The draft is growing near.
Oh no! Our board's not clear!
Kyrie on top?
Will Jimmer drop?
Fret not: mock haiku's here.

(Prose explainer, forgive us: As the NBA Draft Lottery has not yet occurred, we cannot provide the actual draft order. For this exercise, we took a deck of cards [the jumbo type], wrote each team's television play-by-play announcer name on a card, shuffled twice, visited a psychic, threw the deck into the Colorado River, bowed to 47 degrees NNE and clicked on the Lottery Simulator. These are the results in haiku form.)

1. Minnesota Timberwolves: Kyrie Irving, PG, Duke.

It's more like Ky-wheeeeee!
when Wolves land Kyrie Irving
and Flynn joins Ricky.

2. Cleveland Cavaliers: Perry Jones, C/F, Baylor

The Cavs need towers.
Perry Jones? Well, he's quite tall.
That's at least a start.

3. Cleveland Cavaliers (via Clippers): Harrison Barnes, F, North Carolina

Harrison Barnes has
a big birthday cake to fill.
But can he toss chalk?

4. Washington Wizards: Derrick Williams, F, Arizona

Jimmy Wall needs help.
JaVale tries, but comes up short.
Enter D-Will II.

5. Toronto Raptors: Jonas Valanciunas, C/F, Lithuania

Few make Stern bite tongue.
Jonas Valanciunas,
you can fill the task.

6. Sacramento Kings: Kemba Walker, G, UConn

"Fun with Reke and Cuz!"
reads the, err, Royal invite.
Why so sad, Kemba?

7. Utah Jazz (via New Jersey Nets): Enes Kanter, C, Turkey

Too paid for Coach Cal?
That's a new one. Time for
N-B-A riches.

8. Detroit Pistons: Terrence Jones, F, Kentucky

Pistons need some help
for Monroe up front. Can Jones
be a pro monster?

9. Milwaukee Bucks: Kawhi Leonard, F, San Diego State

Ka-why? Because Bucks
can't score; Leonard fits Skiles'
grinding way to tee.

10. Charlotte Bobcats: John Henson, PF, North Carolina

Jordan takes a Heel.
Beyond blue blood, Hen pushes
Kwame, Boris out.

11. Golden State Warriors: Donatas Motiejunas, PF/C, Lithuania

Donatas is big,
though more of a Nellie guy
than new bosses like.

12. Utah Jazz: Jimmer Fredette, G, BYU

Yep, it's destiny:
The Jimmer in S-L-C!
The ads shoot themselves.

13. Phoenix Suns: Jan Vesely, F, Czech Republic

Yan can sprint, and dunk.
Hakim Warrick's Czech brother.
Wait, on second thought ...

14. Houston Rockets: Kenneth Faried, Morehead State

Ah, Kenneth Faried,
the best rebounder ever.
Bye, Jordan Hill.