LeBron James' Mom Arrested: Because Gloria Doesn't Play, Y'all

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LeBron James' mother, Gloria, was arrested on assault charges in Miami Wednesday night. Police haven't released details of the arrest, but it happened at the Fontainebleau in South Beach, one of the more upscale hotels in the city, and NOT a place that sees many assaults.

The list of Miami residents who would A) have access to the Fontainebleau and B) explode in a violent outburst seems like it'd probably be short. You'd have... Trick Daddy, Rick Ross, Pitbull, Brandon Marshall, Tony Montana, a smattering of other real-life drug dealers, and... Gloria! "Oh, INDEED," someone says.

"Gloria don't PLAY."

Rappers, drug dealers, Brandon Marshall, and GLORIA. Perhaps some University of Miami football players, too. But you get the point. Whether it's the DWI she got in 2006, the steady stream of rumors about her personal life, the one BIG rumor about her personal life, Gloria's always been teetering on the brink of total instability. I'm still 95% positive she cursed out me and my friends at the 2003 Capital Classic, but that's neither here nor there.

And who knows what happened Wednesday? The details almost don't matter. If there's one reason to feel a little bit of empathy for LeBron, it's his mother. And to LeBron's credit, he's stood by her through it, learned from her mistakes, and forged a better path for himself.

But DAMN.

Wouldn't be rough to wake up after a tough loss and hear your mother got thrown in jail? Like I said... It almost makes you feel bad for the guy that nicknamed himself King James and totally screwed Cleveland.

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