The 2011 NBA Draft Lottery will go down at 8:30 p.m. ET on ESPN, as the lead-in to Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals between the Dallas Mavericks and Oklahoma City Thunder. We are previewing what's at stake for each team in the drawing, but there's the little matter of luck to consider.
Teams send a figurehead to sit on stage and receive the wonderful or dire news straight from the lips of Adam Silver. If Andy Roeser's jacket in 2009 is any indication, this decision is everything.
So below, we report who each team is sending, and then suggest (in most cases) a better alternative. Thanks to the great bloggers of SB Nation for helping us figure out who each team was sending.
Minnesota Timberwolves: David F'n Kahn.
The only thing that can make Kahn in front a live mic better? If he has learned the craft of ventriloquy and brings a dummy modeled after Ricky Rubio.
Cleveland Cavaliers: Nick Gilbert, son of owner Dan Gilbert.
A much better choice: Scott Raab. Although perhaps we shouldn't put it past young Nick to reference LeBron James as the Whore of Akron on live TV.
Toronto Raptors: Bryan Colangelo.
An inspired choice by the Wizards; Irene wore said yellow jacket when the Wizards won the opportunity to pick Wall last year. But can't we tailor the jacket to fit Andray Blatche? I mean, I know it's Lapdance Tuesday, but I think we can make it work in Secaucus. Jersey is the new Miami, right?
Sacramento Kings: Kevin Johnson, mayor of Sacramento.
The only choice to represent the Kings more popular than KJ after the last month or so would be Kyrie Irving himself.
Utah Jazz: Kevin O'Connor.
Deron Williams is in Jersey anyway, right? Can't he pinch hit? I think it'd be best to call Jerry Sloan out of retirement; instead of the goofy interviews and rabbit's foot close-ups, he could explain how much brush he cleared at the ranch last week, and complain about the weather.
Sending last year's top pick never works; witness: Tyreke Evans repped the Kings last year, and Sacramento fell two spots. Sending the team of John Kuester and Rip Hamilton for fake laughs and awkward high-fives would be much, much preferred.
Charlotte Bobcats: Paul Silas.
The Bobcats' coach will be the the elder statesman of the panel. I think Kwame Brown is worth consideration, if only just to make all Wizards reps weak in the knees.
Milwaukee Bucks: John Hammond.
Brandon Jennings via U-Stream. Maybe we can upgrade from Joe Budden to Pusha T or Rozay?
Golden State Warriors: Joe Lacob.
If an owner is repping his team at the lottery, and said owner's name is not Mikhail Prokhorov, I am not interested. So let's replace new franchisee Lacob with the guy he "outbid" for the team, avid Warriors fan Larry Ellison, a man not entirely pleased with the NBA at this moment.
Phoenix Suns: Mark West.
West is now an executive in the Suns' organization. As much as I'd like to give Steve Nash the nod -- you might as well milk him as the face of the franchise so long as he can stand upright -- let's go with Channing Frye's World of Warcraft character Dookiedrawls.
I love Lowry, and think he's wildly underrated. That said ... Kyle Lowry! Why not Yao Ming? We can get an injury update, a shark fin soup PSA, a couple of wicked jokes and we get to see Yao on TV. Wins all the way down.