Updated throughout the day with quick takes from staff.
by Tom Ziller • Aug 2, 2011 12:22 PM EDT
The NBA lockout took another turn on Tuesday: the league announced it has filed its own unfair labor practices complaint against the players' union and a federal lawsuit claiming that the union is threatening a "sham" decertification to file anti-trust litigation against the NBA. If this is all Latin to you and you'd really like to get back on the BBS to play your favorite MUD, then this post is just for you.
.RUN LOCKOUT
WELCOME TO NBA LOCKOUT 2K11!
WOULD YOU LIKE INSTRUCTIONS? TYPE [Y] FOR YES AND [N] FOR NO.
>Y
GREAT! WELCOME TO NBA LOCKOUT 2K11!
YOU ARE DAVID STERN, COMMISSIONER OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION.
YOUR LEAGUE, DESPITE BEING AS POPULAR AS EVER, IS LOSING HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS
OF DOLLARS PER YEAR.
YOUR AGREEMENT WITH PLAYERS, WHO MAKE AN AVERAGE SALARY OF $5 MILLION, HAS EXPIRED.
THEY DO NOT SEEM INTERESTED IN AGREEING TO MAJOR SALARY CONCESSIONS.
DO YOU LOCK OUT THE PLAYERS AND THREATEN TO CANCEL THE 2011-12 SEASON, OR
EXTEND THE AGREEMENT FOR ONE YEAR TO ATTEMPT TO WORK OUT A NEW DEAL?
TYPE [L] FOR LOCKOUT AND [X] FOR EXTENSION.
>L
GREAT CHOICE! ONLY A WOMAN OR CHRIS BOSH WOULD OPT FOR MORE NEGOTIATIONS. HIT 'EM
WHERE IT HURTS!!
FACED WITH THE THREAT OF A CANCELED SEASON, PLAYERS DO NOT SEEM FAZED. IN FACT,
SEVERAL SIGN CONTRACTS TO PLAY IN EUROPE DURING THE LOCKOUT.
MEANWHILE, THEIR LEADER, DEREK FISHER, PERHAPS THE WORST STARTING POINT GUARD NOT NAMED
JONNY FLYNN, SEEMS DETERMINED TO LOOK SMART AND CLASSY DESPITE YOUR BEST EFFORTS TO
INTIMIDATE HIM AT THE NEGOTIATING TABLE. HE REALLY IS A COOL CUSTOMER. WHAT A RESOLUTE
JAWLINE.
ONE MONTH INTO THE LOCKOUT, THE FIRST NEGOTIATING SESSION IS SCHEDULED.
DO YOU OFFER A COMPROMISE [C] OR STICK TO YOUR GUNS AND MAKE NO CONCESSIONS [N]?
>N
YEAH BRO!
THE UNION MAKES THE SAME CHOICE AND DOES NOT OFFER A COMPROMISE SOLUTION. WHAT A BUNCH
OF BAD FAITH NEGOTIATORS.
THE LOCKOUT IS AT A STALEMATE. HOPE IS DWINDLING BY THE HOUR.
DO YOU CONTINUE NEGOTIATIONS IN HOPES THE INCREASING THREAT OF SEASON CANCELLATION
LEADS TO COMPROMISE [C] OR SUE THE PLAYERS FOR FAILING TO CONCEDE TO YOUR DEMANDS [S]?
>S
I KNEW YOU WERE A BALLBUSTER!! GREAT CHOICE!
YOU HAVE NOW TOLD YOUR EMPLOYEES, MANY OF WHOM REMAIN UNDER CONTRACT FOR 1-4 MORE YEARS,
THAT YOU WILL NOT ALLOW THEM TO WORK UNTIL THEY AGREE TO GIVE BACK A SUBSTANTIAL
PORTION OF THEIR FUTURE SALARIES, AND YOU HAVE SUED THEM FOR REFUSING TO AGREE TO YOUR
DEMANDS.
CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE COMPLETED QUEST: IRON FIST.
YOU HAVE GAINED 50XP.
YOU HAVE GAINED 23 MILLION GIL.
YOU HAVE GAINED SWORD OF EXCESSIVE LEGAL SMITING.
To be continued ...
4 comments
Tom Ziller:
NBA Lockout In MUD Format
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Comments
Nice!
"Anybody might guess beforehand that there would be blunders of the ignorant. What nobody could have guessed, what nobody could have dreamed of in a nightmare, what no morbid mortal imagination could ever have dared to imagine, was the mistakes of the well-informed." - G. K. Chesterton, The Common Man
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by T Darkstar on Aug 2, 2011 2:07 PM EDT reply actions
This made more sense than Stern's lawsuit
In the last 5 years he’s lost whatever “negotiating” skills he ever possessed. Talk about bringing a M! tank to a knife fight. He needs one of his toadys to ring the league’s masseuse and get her up to his office suite for a full body hot rock and oil job.
"It ain't Chinese algebra" - Tony Allen from Basketbawful
by Bluejohn on Aug 2, 2011 2:37 PM EDT reply actions
Holy F this is funny.
"We're not talking about me and Darko in the same sentence." - Chris Webber vs KAHN!
by caseycheesecake on Aug 2, 2011 5:07 PM EDT reply actions
Epic
SACTOWN ROYALTY - Try our thick creamy shakes!
by section214 on Aug 2, 2011 10:56 PM EDT reply actions
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