NBA 2K12 is the best sports video game ever. Full stop. There is no room for argument. So when @RHurstDesigns tweeted what is purported to be the new cover art for NBA 2K13, i got pretty excited.
It's a pretty awesome cover, but it certainly raises a lot of questions:
I haven't seen a press release for the game yet, so I figured I'd do 2K Sports a solid and write one for them that is based on this cover.
** FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE **
Hello, NBA fans! We at 2K Sports are tremendously proud of NBA 2K12, which raised the bar for sports video gaming. However, in this post-Y2K world it's important to push ourselves to innovate. As you can see from the cover, we have designed NBA 2K13 with that in mind.
Among the new features:
- Previous installments of the 2K franchise stuck with a standard, two-hoop basketball court. Boring! In 2K13, your favorite NBA stars will "hoop it up" in a crimson hellscape, exiled from the rest of humanity. The ground will be sliced into grids, as though drafted by Satan's own hand. There will be no goal, and yet players will be tormented to thrash about in the windless, putrid air in search of one nonetheless. Game on!
- There will be disarray where there were rules, and chaos where there was order. Players from three different teams will take the court simultaneously, each with a basketball. But remember, there is no basketball goal, so the game is in effect a nightmarish, exhausting, futile exercise. We are trying to recreate the experience of having a 103-degree fever and tossing and turning in bed while in a half-asleep stupor, unable to determine whether you should get up to vomit or whether it is night or day. Can You DIG IT?!!??
- LeBron James is not on the cover because he is not a character in this game. Instead, you meet President James in the White House if you win the NBA Finals. Eh? No? Whatever, we kind of checked out for a year, deal with it.
This could end up being a really shitty video game, but we're guessing that you'll buy it anyway out of principle because our last two games were so awesome. C'mon, you know you could have paid $100 for 2K12 and it would've been worth it. Do the right thing. Let us have a King of Limbs year.
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