The NBA Draft is like a swordfight. You must think first before you move. David Kahn really needed to listen to more Wu-Tang. The first round of the 2009 NBA Draft featured a bunch of point guards, the majority of whom remain relevant. Wu-Tang Clan featured a bunch of excellent rappers, the majority of whom remain relevant. Ergo, we have matched the 2009 NBA Draft Point Guards with their Wu-Tang stand-ins. Enjoy.
Stephen Curry: Ghostface Killah
Clearly talented from Day 1, but reached greater heights than the rest of the group within a few years. Captures attention for all others on stage. Ridiculously smooth. Supreme arsenal. If we invoke Ghost's Tony Stark(s) alterego, each has a fatal flaw (injured heart, papier mache ankle) protected by the best work of science.
Tyreke Evans: Method Man
The most valuable early on. A throwback with alternating grime and viscosity. Then Keith Smart/Fred Durst happened. Went from solid backbone of the group to someone in tremendously odd positions (small forward, co-starring in a network sitcom with Redman).
Ricky Rubio: RZA
Consummate set-up man. Always concerned with helping his comrades reach new heights. Hardly comparable with the others as a solo act, but a master in the dungeon with some friends. Makes everyone better. Well, almost everyone.
Jrue Holiday: Raekwon
Critically acclaimed, though perhaps not as well-known by the casual fan. Effort and technical skill are never in question. Repeatedly effective, consistently solid. Rough and tough like leather.
Ty Lawson: GZA
Consistently successful and notable for his gifts. Closely associated with wisdom (Lawson via Andre Miller). A liquid sword in action.
Brandon Jennings: Ol' Dirty Bastard
You can never ignore him. Ever. There is no father is his style. The 55-point game was Jennings' verse on Mariah's "Fantasy" remix. (Still the best Sacramento call-out ever recorded.) Stagecrashers. Jennings' arrival at the '09 draft was reminiscent of O.D.B's injunction at the '98 Grammys. Brandon Jennings is for the children. "Bucks in six" is Dirty picking up food stamps in a limo.
Jeff Teague: Inspectah Deck
Totally underrated despite some commanding performances over the years. Finally came into his own much later than everyone else. Graphic displays melt the steel like blacksmiths.
Darren Collison: Masta Killa
In the background doing his thing the entire time. Glad to remain relatively anonymous. Secure in his status.
Eric Maynor: Cappadonna
"No, really, I do belong in this conversation!" Maynor teaming up with John Wall is some real Theodore Unit stuff.
Toney Douglas: U-God
The most rugged, tough style among all of them. And ... that's about it.
Jonny Flynn: Lord Superb
Not really sure who this insults more.