R.I.P. HBAP, the Nets' sad little offer

Andrew Weber-US PRESSWIRE

The Nets look like they'll sit out the 2013 NBA trade deadline after all, as no one wants their crap.

HBAP, a proposed trade package that included Kris Humphries' $12 million contract, MarShon Brooks and a first-round pick, passed away on Thursday after a long battle with ennui. She was one month old.

HBAP was born in Brooklyn in January 2013 to doting fathers Billy King, of Sterling, Va., and Mikhail Prokhorov, of Russia. She lived a brief but meteoric life, but sadly captured the interest of no one. She had a brief fling with Josh Smith and another with Paul Pierce, but never married.

"She wasn't the prettiest girl in the world, and she wasn't even that enjoyable to be around," King said in a statement. "But hey, you go the dog park with the pooch you're given, not the pooch you wish you had."

She is survived by her individual components; her first cousin Derrick Favors And Picks, of Salt Lake City; and a potential Kardashian divorce settlement. In lieu of burial or cremation, Ms. HBAP will be cryogenically frozen, and a resuscitation attempt is tentatively scheduled for late June 2013. Memorial donations can be directed to the Mirza Teletovic Hand Transplant Foundation.