Cheer for the Milwaukee Bucks, because embrace anarchy

Artwork by Ben Swanson

Here's why you should root for the Milwaukee Bucks.

Normally I'm a Charlotte Bobcats fan, but starting now, you're looking at the newest big ol' Bucks Buff. That's right -- so long Primoz Brezec, hello, uh, Primoz Brezec!

To begin, I'll talk a bit about Milwaukee's history, then we'll talk about the team. Don't worry, I've made some slides in Microsoft Paint.

City History

Milwaukee began to really grow in the 19th century when Eastern European immigrants settled in the city and new railroads gave rise to a boom in population and economy, like many Midwestern cities. Immigrants, especially from Eastern Europe, flocked to Milwaukee from Germany, Poland, Lithuania and plenty more countries. African-Americans from the South also emigrated to Milwaukee because of economic viability. It offered inexpensive land for farmers and the industry life characterized by the Rust Belt with the transportation of a port city on Lake Michigan.


Milwaukee is also well-known for its history as a brewing city. Once home to four of the world's largest breweries, only Miller now remains in the city. But the history is as rich as anywhere with Milwaukee's love for beer.


Also, Al Capone had a house in Milwaukee.


So that's pretty much all you need to know about Milwaukee history. I've never been there, but I have read the Wikipedia pages so you can trust me.

The Bucks

So what about the team?

Well, they've won six of their last 21 games. That's bad. And had they not defeated the Thunder on the last night of the season, they would have ended the year on a six-game losing streak, including two losses to the league's two worst teams. That's bad.

But they were without Defensive Player of the Year candidate Larry Sanders. First off, this is the correct spelling: LARRY SANDERS! LARRY SANDERS! is electrifying on defense because of his incredible athleticism and shot-blocking instincts. His block percentage (percent of plays ending with a SANDERS! block) is atop the league with 7.6 percent. His offense isn't at that level, but he's still working on its consistency.

Below is an artist's depiction of LARRY SANDERS!


Milwaukee's offense centers upon their guard duo of Brandon Jennings and Monta Ellis. Both take a lot of shots and aren't very efficient scorers. Because of how much they shoot and how inconsistent they can be, Milwaukee is the center of chaos. They run one of the fastest paces in the league, but what results is a masterpiece theater of rushed basketball. Sometimes they find open shooters and capitalize and other times they just jack whatever shot they can get.

So why root for Milwaukee? Because this is America, dang it. The underdog is in all of us. Plus, their opponent is the freaking Miami Heat. I'm not sure many people need a reason to hate them.

If Milwaukee beats Miami (which has such a very very small chance of happening), the world is turned upside down. Miami, who nearly set a record for consecutive wins in a season, losing to the inconsistent Bucks? Is anything not in question after that? There would be snow in Death Valley, rain in the Atacama Desert, LeBron's hairline regrowing. Up is down! Down is up! Finkle is Einhorn!

So there you have it. Cheer for the Milwaukee Bucks to make sports anarchy.

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