We're down to just four basketball teams! They're the only ones who are left. The others have all been relegated to the AFL or something. I think that's how the playoffs work. The teams who are no longer around played pretty badly, as you might expect. One of the worst players of the week was Serge Ibaka of the Thunder, who made me think about Double Dribble for the Nintendo Entertainment System. So it wasn't a complete loss, I guess.
I learned basically everything I know about basketball from playing Double Dribble. Which is a simply scathing indictment of SB Nation and their hiring processes.
On to the GIFs! Yes, we are going a bit over a week ago on these, but I think you'll forgive us when you see the quality that we're bringing you. Or lack thereof. Whichever you prefer.
Worst Shirt Mastery
Player: David West
Date: May 11
You'd be angry too if it took you three quarters to put on a shirt and this is as close as you were able to get. David West prefers that you call him "Cornholio," all right? He needs T.P. for his bung hole, okay? Don't make it weird.
The best part of this GIF? His teeth popping out of his collar at the end. Also, I'm really pleased I was just able to write that sentence.
Worst Butt-Rooting
Player: This Heat fan
Date: May 15
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. YEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. THAT'S A SWEET CAN YA GOT THERE BRON BRON WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SHAKE IT DON'T BREAK IT YEEEEEAAAHHHH HOT CHA CHA CHAAAAAAAA WE'RE NUMBER ONE AWOOOOOOOOOGA DUMPS LIKE A TRUCK TRUCK BASKETBALLLLLLL
Worst Fast Break
Player: Gary Neal, Cory Joseph
Date: May 12
This GIF is mostly just the Gary Neal STUMBLING BUMBLING FUMBLING hour, but please don't miss out on Cory Joseph seeing things about to go higgledy-piggledy, trying to help Neal save the ball (kinda) and then just running into media row before having to right himself like he just Starsky-and-Hutched across the hood of a car and taking off the other way in a sprint.
Worst No-Look Pass
Player: Joakim Noah
Date: May 13
Hey, Noah: sometimes, you should look.
Worst Pass
Player: Carlos Boozer
Date: May 13
The fact that this GIF is in slow-mo really seals the deal in terms of hilarity and heartbreak. You can imagine Boozer busting a Darth Vader-style "NOOOOO" as the ball floats sadly into the clutches of Dwyane Wade. This GIF is the perfect encapsulation of the Heat-Bulls series; things seem to be going great for Chicago, but then it's just misery and destruction.
Worst Delay of Game
Player: Tony Allen
Date: May 13
So wily! Such tricks! You're a crafty old codger, Ray -- oh, wait, no, whoops, the ref saw you kick that ball away. Can't do that. That's a paddlin'. Go out back and break me off a switch, Ray. I've had it up to here with your mischief.
Worst Slam Dunk (Non-Serge Ibaka Division)
Player: Kawhi Leonard
Date: May 12
Yes, this is a fine example of the Double Dribble hubris I outlined in the above video. But if this is a slam-dunk version of "who wore it better," one man stands dunk and shoulders above the rest of the field. And there's really no contest about who was the worst slam-dunker in the second round of the playoffs.
Worst Slam Dunk
Player: Serge Ibaka
Date: May 11
Yep, Serge Ibaka sure did a bad job at dunk-a-rooing that slam. BUT HE DID IT TWICE.
Thanks for going above and beyond, Serge. The people of Oklahoma City will never stop thanking you for the memories you've given them. That's mostly accurate, I feel.
Worst Attempted Layup
Player: Nick Collison
Date: May 16
This is like a magic trick. Not the good kind. The kind that maybe your uncle tries to do after Thanksgiving dinner, but then he falls into the pumpkin pies and starts cussing and makes everyone sad. That's not autobiographical or anything, but the sentiment is probably fairly universal. Like, dang it Collison, we were gonna eat that pie and now it's just ruined.
Worst Flop
Player: LeBron James
Date: May 15
Lil' Nate Robinson just busting out the world's tiniest shotei is pretty great, but LeBron's delayed sell of the palm strike like he's just been dragon-uppercutted is phenomenal. People get sick of Blake Griffin's flopping antics, but maybe it's just that he lacks the floppistry elan of a master artist like King James.
Worst Bounce Pass
Player: Derek Fisher
Date: May 14
A bounce pass? Really? You thought that was going to save your season, Fish? Well, I guess it's those sort of cagey wiles that have kept you in the league for 57 years. Still though, a bounce pass? Why didn't you just roll it in? That might have been less heartbreaking.