I'm not going to say you're an idiot if you get out of bed today, but only because I know some of you don't have TVs in your bedroom. That clarification out of the way, if you're upright for more than half an hour today, you're an idiot.
Here's what you're watching from the horizontal position today.
Ball State at Ohio (11:00/ESPNU)
Ball State might be one of the co-leaders in the West division, but Ohio appears to be the class of the MAC.
St. John's at Duke (12:00/ESPN)
St. John's beat Duke by about 80 (15) last season, and some Blue Devils already seem to be assuming revenge.
Marquette at Villanova (12:00/ESPN2)
Marquette opened conference play with an 81-77 home win over Villanova on New Year's Day and will look to sweep the season series on Saturday. Wildcat guard Maalik Wayns is the Big East's leading scorer in league play, but he's averaged just 9.7 points on 25.8 percent shooting in three games against Top 25 teams this season. Villanova has lost eight straight versus ranked foes.
Hofstra at Northeastern (12:00/MSG)
Northeastern has already squeaked out a 64-62 win against a Hofstra team that finds itself at just 1-9 in the CAA. Basically, I'm not going to hate you if you don't watch a second of this game.
Texas at Baylor (1:00/CBS)
At 13-7, Texas is in desperate need of a signature win. They'll get one chance agains the Bears on Saturday and another against Missouri on Monday. Baylor, meanwhile, is looking to prove it's worthy of national title contender status by beating the Big 12 teams it's supposed to (like Texas...if that wasn't implied).
West Virginia at Syracuse (1:00/ESPNU)
West Virginia has lost its last nine games at the Carrier Dome, and 12 of the last 13 meetings with Syracuse overall. To make matters worse, Mountaineer star Kevin Jones is averaging just 5.8 points on 29.6 percent shooting against the Orange for his career. He's also grabbed a total of just 20 rebounds.
George Washington at Fordham (1:00/YES)
Don't watch this game.
Texas Tech at Missouri (1:30/Altitude)
Not exactly a good situation for a Texas Tech team that's 0-7 and up against a Missouri squad that has been an absolute juggernaut at home and is coming off a shocking loss to Oklahoma State.
Mississippi State at Florida (1:30/MSG)
Florida hasn't lost in Gainesville since a 72-69 defeat to South Carolina on Jan. 15, 2011, prevailing by an average of 20 points in their home games since. Mississippi State, hoever, has won four of the last five overall meetings with the Gators and two of its last four visits to the O'Connell Center.
Kansas at Iowa State (2:00/ESPN)
The Jayhawks haven't lost a true road game this season, but they haven't been particularly impressive in victory. They'll need a superior effort on Saturday to knock off a Royce White-led Cyclone squad looking to show the country how formidable it is.
Delaware at Drexel (2:00/Comcast)
The Dragons have quietly won eight straight and 14 of their last 15. Delaware...has not.
St. Louis at Massachusetts (2:00/CSS)
It's being billed as the biggest game in years for a UMass squad which is facing one of the other four teams its tied with at the top of the A-10 standings.
Tulsa at SMU (3:00/FSN)
SMU defeated Tulsa 57-55 in their previous meeting this season.
Tennessee Tech at Morehead State (3:00/ESPNU)
Hey look, an OVC game not featuring Murray State on national television. Honey, get the camera.
Wyoming at Boise State (3:30/The Mountain)
This is a dangerous game for the Cowboys, but one they can't afford to drop if they're serious about having a shot at an at-large bid.
Georgetown at Pittsburgh (4:00/ESPN)
Pitt may be just 1-7 in the Big East right now, but that doesn't change the fact that historically the Panthers are 11-0 against top-10 teams at Petersen Events Center. That flawless record will be put to the test in a major way on Saturday against the 8th-ranked Hoyas.
Purdue at Northwestern (4:00/ESPN2)
It's being billed as a Big Ten "bubble battle," but that might be being friendly to a Northwestern team off to a disappointing 2-5 start in league play.
San Diego State at Colorado State (4:00/NBC Sports Network)
This is the network formally known as "Versus." Probably the right move.
St. Joseph's at Temple (4:00/Comcast)
The "most played rivalry" in Big 5 history will tip off for the 153rd in what also happens to be a major conference clash for each team.
VCU at Georgia State (4:00/CSS)
VCU wil be out for revenge against a Georgia State team that beat it by a bucket earlier in the season but is coming off its most embarrassing performance of the season in a 68-46 loss at Drexel.
Oklahoma State at Texas A&M (4:00/Altitude/MASN/YES)
The Aggies are looking to make it three in a row against a Cowboy team still riding high after its upset of No. 2 Missouri earlier this week.
Kentucky at LSU (4:00/MSG)
LSU coach Trent Johnson on Kentucky: "There are no weaknesses." Well, at least the scouting report wasn't especially difficult for the Tigers to absorb.
Northern Iowa at Missouri State (5:00/ESPNU)
Six of the ten team teams in the Missouri Valley Conference have league records of 5-5 or 4-6. These are two of those teams.
Colgate at Holy Cross (5:00/CBS Sports Network)
You can't give CBS Sports Network enough Patriot League. Even if the matchup in question involves a pair of teams that are a combined 3-9 in league play.
Auburn at Tennessee (6:00/ESPN2)
Auburn has lost six straight road games to Tennessee dating back to 2000, and will try to avoid a seventh straight defeat when they meet the Volunteers at Thompson-Boling Arena on Saturday. Only once over those past six meetings have the Tigers managed to stay within single digits of the Vols.
TCU at New Mexico (6:00/The Mountain)
TCU is 9-1 in games decided by six points or less. Toss that around enough times tonight and you're getting laid.
Cincinnati at Rutgers (6:00/SNY/MASN/Altitude/FS Ohio)
The Scarlet Knights have dropped three of four after a surprisingly hot start in Big East play.
Washington at Arizona (7:00/ESPN)
This seemed like the marquee game in the Pac-12 before the season...and I guess...it still might be? Feel free to correct me if you have any idea who's good in that conference.
Butler at Green Bay (7:00/ESPNU)
A year ago at this time Butler was 14-9 and had just lost three straight Horizon League games. I'm not sayin', but I'm sayin'.
South Carolina at Ole Misss (7:00/FSN/FS South)
Southern Miss at UCF (7:00/CSS)
A key game between a Southern Miss team tied with Memphis for first in Conference USA and a UCF squad sitting just a half game behind.
Virginia at NC State (8:00/ESPN2)
Virginia is second in the nation in scoring defense (50.1 points per game) while holding opponents to 38.7 percent from the field. In winning the last three in this series, the Cavaliers have held the Wolfpack to averages of 55.7 points and 39.6 percent shooting.
Illinois at Minnesota (8:00/Big Ten Network)
These two played a double overtime thriller on Dec. 27, with Illinois ultimately prevailing 81-72.
UNLV at Air Force (8:00/The Mountain)
UNLV has been almost unbeatable at home, averaging 87.2 points - sixth in the nation - while shooting 51.7 percent overall and 42.3 percent from 3-point range. On the road, however, the Rebs are just 4-3 and are averaging 74.6 points and shooting 42.0 percent, including 31.0 percent from beyond the arc.
Louisville at Seton Hall (8:00/SNY/MASN)
Seton Hall is one of just two Big East teams Louisville has not beaten on the road since joining the conference for the 2005-06 season.
Saint Mary's at BYU (9:00/ESPNU)
Saint Marys' will be looking for separation in the WCC race, while BYU is out for revenge after the Gaels welcomed them to the league with a 98-82 beatdown on Dec. 27.
Marshall at Memphis (9:00/CSS)
A couple of weeks ago this looked like it had the potential to be the game of the year in Conference USA, but suddenly the Thundering Herd have lost three straight and no longer look like an NCAA Tournament team.
Cal State Fullerton at Long Beach State (11:00/ESPNU)
Another Saturday night where Casper Ware rocks you to bed. There are worse ways to go down. Trust me.