This Week In Schadenfreude: The Worst Game Ever Played

The ending of LSU-Tennessee sends UT fans into emo funks and LSU fans into lathers, Rutgers looks forward to basketball season, Texas congratulates Oklahoma for being the less uncouth squadron, and Lane Kiffin is called "goatboy." It's time to play the 'freude.

So you know what's going to headline here, since it's the same thing headlining everywhere else: the ending of LSU-Tennessee. A fail so epic you'd have to invent the whole FAIL meme if it didn't already exist, happening to a fanbase staring down the barrel of their worst season in a billion years and another one that is LSU's and is therefore always negative one drinks from sitting down in front of a keyboard and covering themselves in shame and regret.

The Tennessee side of things:

If both own a DVR and enjoy pain, go back and watch the final sequence.  Watch the pure joy on Dooley's face as he celebrates with his team for all of one minute.  The expression on his face, for a few seconds, was shared by all of his players:  youthful, schoolboy exuberance.  You think you wanted to win this game?  Think about these players.  Think about what they've been through.  Think about how hard they continue to work.  And think about what this win would've meant to them.

Think about what it would've meant for Derek Dooley.

And then think about having it all ripped away by the slight technicality that thirteen guys on the field is sort of illegal even when the other team is coached by Les Miles and buy a Death Cab for Cutie album and sit in the corner feeling cold and alone and wishing you were really into smooth jazz. Think about that.

In the comments the big decision seems to be between wanting to cry and actually crying, and there's a lot of talk about what must have been an unfathomably bad 2001 LSU-Tennessee game if it's still on top for pure razor-wielding awful.

On the other side of the fence, LSU may have won but they're just waiting for the inevitable Richt-style implosion now:

I think I have battered wife syndrome...Les Miles  


Les has hurt me bad...he's going to hurt me bad again...it's his nature...I know this but try to convince myself it isn't so. I want to give him a pass because when he hurts me, it's not him that's doing it, it's the pressure (or OC) that's making him do it...in those situations, he's just not himself...he's not the man I know him to be.

He has a good heart and is very good to his kids. If I lose him, I might never find another man who treats the kids this well or loves them as much. Sure, he is flawed. Sure, his biggest flaws result in me whimpering in a corner a few times a year. But I'm not perfect either.

The kids adore him, so I'll hide my tears, swallow my two, three, four or five unjustified beatings a year, and I'll portray outward support for him.

I'll do it for the kids...that's what I'll do.

Hey… so that's creepy, Scott Tenorman Of The Week. Maybe not as creepy as the guy who suggest "Keep Miles and beat you to death," Scott, but still creepy. Let's move on. Caption contest go:

CLM ran after 'kid' Dooley ... grabbed his arm and said to him: 


heartbreakTiger: some kind of language only him and someone dumb enough to be fooled by him would understand
BigDawg0420: any chance i can get a job with you next season?
LSU GrandDad: hey derek, hey derek, what just happened back there. nobody else would tell me. did we win or did you win?

And finally:

Tigerlaff: i have a weird rash on my ass!!! Mashed potatos!!!

LSU and Tennessee get a rare joint Tears Of Unfathomable Sadness. The rest of the week in spleen:

ACC

Notre Dame was a solid favorite in Chestnut Hill this weekend and Boston College fans were braced for another loss, but they weren't ready for what actually went down. You know things have gone bad when even-handed veterans like Eagle in Atlanta are throwing around "Pathetic" as a post title and backing it up with statements that suggest Les Miles is in charge:

Spaz will do a TOB impression and lower expectations with the media. He'll play down our talent and make it seem like things are much worse than they are. But the problems we have start with the coaching. The final possession before the half was either incompetence or cowardice. Neither is good.

Our offensive line -- the lifeblood of this program -- is in shambles.

When EIA says BC will never win the ACC under its current leadership and Frank Spaziani "shouldn't be our head coach," things are bad. It's even worse when someone considers the above and responds with "I normally enjoy your optimistic view, but your rose colored classes are not only extra rosy tonight, but completely fogged up."

What more is there to say? Ah:

At 1:43 PM, Blogger A33Jim said...

I think we've seen what kind of coach Spaz is. The kind that gives up and punts.

A reader did find where Jeff Jagodzinski is emitting a deep basso laugh from: the UFL's Omaha Nighthawks. Yes, the team that employs Maurice Clarett.

Elsewhere, Clemson fans are singing the same old song after the same old Clemson crap:

Thats the kind of game you get when the team gets patted on the back by fans all week for how they played against Auburn instead of focusing on their preparation, and they damn sure weren't prepared to play today.

The same problems that we mentioned last week are the ones that showed themselves again this week, and as we have maintained here at STS, mental mistakes go on the Head Coach. I shouldn't need to reiterate that, but since knuckledraggers love to bitch at us for telling it like it is, I pretty much have to. This game was a total mental meltdown from start to finish.

How did the Tigers get so fed up with Tommy Bowden they fired him and then immediately turn around to hire his wide receivers coach? Probably because The Cancer That Is Killing [Team] Goes All The Way To The Top:

The university administration, over the course of the past two decades, has turned Clemson from a football-loving fun school into Dean Wormer’s dream. The Board of Trustees set up this NFL--NO FUN LEAGUE--with the ouster of Dollar Bill. Since the mid-’80‘s the administration has worked to keep the Clemson Athletic Department at average. This continues through increased regulation of our AD and student body.

PROTIP: Never take an athletic director job if your name is Bill.

Big East

Rutgers blogs are taking a loss to Tulane with a stiff upper lip—it takes a hell of a lot to impress the misery-inured Rutgers fanbase. Like, say, a basketball team that hasn't made the NCAA tournament since 1991 and hasn't even been .500 in conference since 2002. In contrast to that, Rutgers football is a beacon of

HEY, THERE'S ALWAYS BASKETBALL SEASON?


Almost pains me to say that. Actually, I was a basketball fan first, but then the football team started to make some noise, and the basketball team was, well...the RU basketball team.

—pain you wish you could ignore? Did end up on a UNC message board by accident?

Also there is this guy bent on demonstrating the New Jersey's twin loves—pro football and inserting random Gs into your speech:

BEARS OLINE = RUTGERS O LINE, GIANTS OFENSE = RUTGERS OFFENSE


ANYBODY THINGS THE SAME WAY? 8 SACKS ALREADY AND G OFFENSE CANT DO SHIT

Big Ten

This week's serious discontent is concentrated in Happy Valley and Madison. Penn State's now scored six points in eight quarters against BCS opponents and was threatened by Temple thanks to a field goal fiesta. The Nittany Lion offense has morphed from the spread HD to something slightly less modern:

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via imgcash4.imageshack.us

(Note: I have no source for that; if you do, let me know.)

Wisconsin saw BCS dreams take a major hit in a 34-24 loss that wasn't as close as it looked since Michigan State coughed up three turnovers and was stoned on fourth and one at the goal line. In response they're breaking out the Vastly Excessive Punctuation:

Congratulations Bret


Another season. no Rose Bowl.  With Barry f***ing up the realignment, and Bielema's inability to get us to the Rose Bowl, AND the fact I have to drive 450 miles one way to watch this crap, this is my last year as a season ticket holder.  Enjoy people, and take your shots.  I won't read them.  Bielema was/is a disaster.  Another flea bag bowl for Wisconsin ---- who cares!!!!!!!

Beat Ohio State -- in your dreams only.  Stop Michigan and Robinson -- if we can't beat MSU, no way do we beat scUM.  Stop Nortwestern, with what???????

Also, Minnesota fans are matter-of-factly analyzing buyout clauses in Tim Brewster's contract but if you didn't know that already you assumed as much.

Big Twelve

Texas was upstaged by the Great Miles Clusterfuck of 2010, but even so they bring it strong after losing the Red River Shootout and dropping out of the polls for the first time since the turn of the century. Much-despised offensive coordinator Greg Davis isn't off the hook but Texas fans "can't put all of the blame" on him and his "feckless, sideways offense." because…

Put simply, this year’s Texas Longhorns are a stupid, stupid football team, in all phases of the game.

Elsewhere Longhorn fans drop references to The Shining, and write elaborately old-timey descriptions of the game veritably dripping with Swiftian sarcasm:

From the very outset of the competition, Mssr. Davis demonstrated his much-celebrated aptitude for deference. When, on the opening possession, his opponents signaled their willingness to allow the Longhorns two straight sideways passed-ball completions for minimal yardage, Coach Davis saw fit to upstage the Sooners’ generous offer. The Longhorns’ charitable coordinator humbly accepted the two completions while, through chivalrous skill unmatched in all of Collegiate Footballery, graciously losing two yards on each play. …

Having proven themselves the conscientious superior of Oklahoma, Texas will graciously concede its spot in the rankings polls to a more uncouth squadron.

Finally, this guy:

Let’s face it, this Longhorn team is shit. The coaching is shit. The HEAD COACH is shit. Everything about this team is shit.

That guy, right?

Northward on the great plains, when you're unranked and lose to a team that reacts like this

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!

…and can't figure out why its half of the animated drive chart is pink, you lost to Iowa State. Or perhaps Baylor, but in this case it's Iowa State. This makes Texas Tech fans unhappy. They are sad. They are deploying the internet's most common misspelling, and they are awesome:

It's ok. This year we have legitimate excuses. Katfish already told us this

We were over prepared
It was too cold
It’s a rebuilding year
We had to change the culture
We practiced too hard

Thank god loosing is not our fault. Now where is my fat little girlfriend. I need to feel good about myself.

by raider realist on Oct 3, 2010 1:00 PM PDT

Epic Leach callback. Raider Realist wins the internet.

Pac-10

Here's Stanford coach Jim Harbaugh looking pissed off you guys: 2010_20october_202_2022_2028_2055_medium

But the main event is USC, which dropped its game against Washington for the second consecutive years, causing this guy to say these sorts of things about Pete Carroll, the most successful coach in the last decade of college football:

THe only thing Checkers did was get more cowardly each year and move the safety further and further back while limiting blitzing. Did you miss the Oregon and Stanford game last year. They would still be scoring if that idiot Carroll was still coach.

If that's his opinion of Carroll, what must he think of Kiffin?

The only solution is to clean house. Put monte in a retirement home and hook him up to a tube. FIRE goatboy. Eat the buyout and start over. Any other discussions is just mental masterbation.
Almost as worthless as practice without tackling.

He thinks Kiffin is a goat in a baseball hat. All right, we'll give him that one. BONUS THIS GUY: USC's biggest problem is going from "a functional illiterate retard to a spineless elitist pansy" at athletic director. This guy > that guy.

SEC

Florida fans are totally taking a loss to #1 in stride:

Is the Meyer Era Coming to an End?

by gator4life " Sun Oct 03, 2010 1:41 pm

1. Did he see the end coming when he retired last year?
2. Will Urban again retire at the end of this season?
3. Will Urban drop the hybrid offense?
Urban can't be happy and he can't reload the spread option with a prostyle quarterback. He can't go prostyle with an offense built for the spread option with speed backs. He is stuck in a mediocre second tier hybrid offense. If Urban can't fix this, I expect he will leave. Does anyone see a solution for this year or next year?

Teams other than Alabama Florida has lost two in the past three years: zero. So… yeah.

And here's a 1,000 words on Georgia:

Beer-funny-6_medium

 

And now a few more. The Dawgs lost for the fourth time this year, this time to Colorado, and even though AJ Green's missed all but three quarters of Georgia's season Get The Picture says it's "scary how reliant this team is" on him. DawgSports declares Georgia is "going to need a bigger goat." Reference is made to a first annual "Sacrificial Goat Roast" and it is unclear whether this is an elaborate metaphor or a literal event. This is Georgia's season, people.

If you're expecting some message board nutball with an itchy trigger finger hovering over the emoticon button, this column is getting too obvious

f--- UGA Football this year! It's over. It was over after we lost to Arkansas. I don't give a sh-t anymore. Folks.... Mark Richt is done. I don't care what you say, he's done. There's no way in hell he is the coach next year. Mark will be fired or forced to resign as we continue to losing to every team other than vandy and idaho state. Vandy actually beat Ole Piss at their place so I don't see why they can't do it to us. UGA is officially the laughing stock of the SEC. FIRE CMR AND BRING IN KYLE WHITTINGHAM OR MULLEN!

…but it is what it is. Also:

SOMEONE WAKE ME UP FROM THIS NIGHTMARE   (Posted on 10/2 at 10:47 p.m.)


Hey, but maybe you can get Urban Meyer after he retires for health reasons! That's the ticket!

Others

Boise State shelled some WAC team I can't be bothered to look up 59-0 and fell behind Oregon in the polls, leaving Bronco fans beside themselves. And when people in Idaho are angry they think about one thing—arson:

Sorry

I can never empress these dingle berries.. However I must commend you on your completely brilliant post.

As for me I would just prefer to get all their home addresses and burn their homes down,, that’s my feelings on it ;)
But I’ll wait and see how things shack out first……

by Darth Prophet on Oct 4, 2010 5:17 PM PDT

…which makes it just like Georgia's offense ZING.

Next week: Someone in the state of Michigan is going down against Hated Rival. LSU finally blows up or Florida finds out how the other half lives. I bet that USC guy says something nice about Ty Willingham.

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