We asked yesterday whether Cam Newton's Heisman Trophy chances might be taking a dive thanks to the dainty, risk-averse constitutions of various voters. FOX Sports' Thayer Evans has some thoughts for those of sterner stuff:
Don't vote Newton for Heisman
For Halloween, Auburn quarterback Cameron Newton wore a white fairy costume.
And if you’re a Heisman voter who casts a ballot for him, you’re just buying the fairytale that he and his father, Cecil Newton, a pastor, have been selling the last two years.
Thayer Evans has written for The Ecomonist. This causes us no end of grief. If this is what we have to become to access those lofty environs, however, we're more than ready to cowboy up our journalistic loins. Some sample ledes from our own (highly hypothetical) Heisman Trophy hit piece:Cam Newton is often seen drinking Gatorade on the sidelines.
But the only Gators he's aiding are his old team, the Florida Gators, by taking himself and his disgraceful, reprehensible actions out of the state.
Cam Newton has been photographed with a water bottle labeled "Cammy Cam Juice."
But the only juicing he's doing is extracting every hope of a long-awaited national championship for Auburn as he grinds his family's sordid cash demands against the juice extractor of football on the Plains.
Cam Newton's given name is Cameron.
Which sort of sounds like "camera on," if you slur your speech like I'm apt to on an ether bender, and that's exactly what Newton and his family need to be ready for. Cameras on, all the time, and I hope when they're running his father trips on a cord to one of these cameras and breaks his stupid, football-ruining face.